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Old 08-25-2005, 08:36 AM   #1
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Unhappy He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

Okay... Me n' my boyfriend love eachother very very very much. We're together 24/7 and I love every second with him. I've never been treated as good or loved as much as this boy loves me...

Well I went to my sister's last weekend. She put me in a really bad situation, and lied to me. She said we were going to play cards (poker, I LOVE poker. my boyfriend is actually the one that got me into it) n' drink at her house. Well when I got there she said that her boyfriend n' his friend were coming over. Her boyfriend is a marine and this friend of his is in the navy and goes back the 26th. I don't drive So I'm stuck at her house either way. Well her dad comes home and says that we have to leave. Her freaking boyfriend takes us to a hotel with a whole bunch of other ppl.

We did play cards, but we played drinknig games. I called my boyfriend and didn't tell him where I was at, but just that I was at a party. (I dont know why I did that... thinking about that now, it's killing me, Im bawling and I dont know what to do)

I got really really really really messed up. I cant' handle alcohol at all. My boyfriend knows that. I've drank maybe twice in my whole life. I hate drinking and I really don't know why I did it then. But We played (f)uck the dealer. And I cheated on him with my sister's friend. Guys, I know how bad of a person I sound... But I really really really love my boyfriend with all my heart and soul and when I graduate I'm marying him and we're moving to Florida so him n' I can go to College. (He's already graduated and he's waiting for me) He told me last night that he loves me more than anything in the world, and he's so so scared about losing me. He started bawling to me last night saying please don't leave. And I never ever plan to. I asked him how would he lose me, and what he said killed me. He said I woudl forgive you for anything in the world, but cheating baby... I wouldnt' be able to handle it. It would be over. It's happened to me too many times. And I love you to much to ever be able to be with you knowing some guy had his hands on you...

I held back my tears. He made me promise I wouldn't ever cheat on him.

I promised...

I'm dying inside. I CANT lose him. I know telling him would make me feel better, because the guilt is eating away at me. But if I tell him, I'll lose him forever. And this is the man I want to spend forever with.

I can't tell him. He would hurt worst than me. He's so so in love with me And Im' so so in love with him.

Guys, Ladies, please please tell me what to do... :'(

 
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Old 08-25-2005, 08:54 AM   #2
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Lilly10 HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

Well this is such a tough situaiton. When you said you cheated did you actualy sleep with this person?? Me being me it would kill me inside and I would end up telling out of guilt. I think if you do choose to tell him you need to be prepared that the relationship may not survive. Im sure in your heart you know what the right thing to do is but I do know how hard of a situation this is!!!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 08:56 AM   #3
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

Wow, hun, I am so sorry! I can imagine the turmoil you're in! I am going to be completely honest with you. You have done something awful and you have to face it. You have got to take responsibility for your actions. You made the decision to drink, and unless you're passed out you do have a conscious awareness of what you're doing (although your judgement is certainly impaired). To stay with your boyfriend and never reveal what you've done is one of the most selfish things you can possibly do to a person. The only thing more selfish would be to marry him and let him THINK he's leading the life he wants. That is completely unfair to him. If you do love him, you've got to understand that he deserves to live an honest life with an honest person. If he never finds out what you did, then both of you are living a lie. Nothing but a lie. Do you really want to continue a relationship under false pretenses?
Don't blame your sister, don't blame the alcohol, blame only yourself. It's the best thing you can do in the long run, though it sounds awful now. In order to pick yourself back up again, you've got to come clean with what you've done and take full responsibility. Then let your boyfriend decide whether or not he wants to continue to be with you. If he can get past this, then you will have more of a relationship than ever! It will be made of completele honesty and compassion and forgiveness, and you will be happy with a clean heart. If he doesn't want to continue the relationship, then you're going to be entering the dark tunnel of a broken heart. At that point, you must once again accept responsibility for the break up and proceed with the healing process.
It's an awful boat to be in, I know. All this sounds harsh, I know. But you did something wrong! If there's one thing the world needs less of, it's people who do something wrong and don't take responsibility for it! Don't be one of those people. Do the right thing. You know what that is...

 
Old 08-25-2005, 09:02 AM   #4
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Scotty1 HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

You have to tell him.. It will eat away at you until you do, Sorry to say but you did the deed and now it's time for you to be accountable for it.. I'm just going to stop now because I know your hurting and I don't want to make it any worse...

 
Old 08-25-2005, 09:09 AM   #5
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netle HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

You did something awful. You cannot blame the drinking because you made the choice to drink. You cannot blame your sister or the other people around you. I definitely agree with this.

However, if you plan on having a future with this man and this was a one time mistake that you will never make again, I don't believe you should tell him about what you have done. Let your guilt be your punishment. Once you tell him about this your relationship will never be the same again. It might make you feel better for telling him about cheating, but it won't make him feel better. Telling him this will only hurt him.

Perhaps you should see a therapist and discuss these issues until you're able to face them or at least live with them. I understand that's difficult, but at this point it's going to be difficult and painful no matter what you do. Chalk this up to a learning experience and treat this person with more respect and love from now on.

Now if you feel that you don't have a future with this person, that you might cheat again or that you're feelings for him have changed. You probably should tell him or at least end the relationship.

And from now on I would avoid places that you know might put you in a bad position. No more drinking or partying.

Last edited by Geek_Kittie; 08-25-2005 at 09:10 AM.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 09:18 AM   #6
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pearless HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

Your not married to him right? Well its not cheating. No ring no commitment. Maybe this is a wake up call to you to tell you that this person is not for you. If you could have easily been with another person (that you dont know) then it may happen again. Dont mean to be blunt. My sister did the same thing, when she got married she did it again and again until there divorse 13 years later. least to say he never did find out about it. Good luck on finding your self.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 09:23 AM   #7
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Scotty1 HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Geek_Kittie

However, if you plan on having a future with this man and this was a one time mistake that you will never make again, I don't believe you should tell him about what you have done. Let your guilt be your punishment. Once you tell him about this your relationship will never be the same again. It might make you feel better for telling him about cheating, but it won't make him feel better. Telling him this will only hurt him.
Being the only guy who has responded here (Don't know if it makes a difference in gender when you get cheated on) but I think not telling him would be the worst thing you could ever do... If it were me and this happened I wouldn't care how long it had been but if I ever found out about it later it would be over right then and there, I don't know if he is going to forgive you or not, but I can almost guarantee you this if he finds out about it later he won't be able to...

 
Old 08-25-2005, 09:43 AM   #8
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tigger_girl76 HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

First of all you can't blame your sister and say that she put you in a bad situation. You need to take responsibility for your own actions/decisions and can't go through life blaming other people for the mistakes you make.

You're meant to be in a loving and committed relationship. That means being honest with your partner. What if he finds out through someone else? I think that would hurt him even more..finding out about your cheating through the grapevine.

Did you use protection with this guy? That's another thing to think about. What if you have caught an STD and pass it onto your boyfriend? How are you going to explain that one?

I honestly think that coming clean with your boyfriend is the right thing to do. Maybe he'll forgive you, maybe not but you owe it to him to be honest..especially if you plan on marrying him.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 10:00 AM   #9
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

I agree with Scotty. The worst thing you can do is let him go on leading a life that he would otherwise not have chosen had he known the truth. Telling him will certainly hurt him, I don't argue that! But this is his LIFE! He's talking about marriage! You don't mess around with that!! How awful it would be to think you have married this honest person who never cheated, when in reality you married someone who cheated and lied about it!!! I can't imagine anything worse?
Anyone who suggests you not tell him has as much selfishness within their hearts as the person who cheats and lets the lie fester. BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS! I'm sorry to say it, but if he ends the relationship you deserve it!!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 10:02 AM   #10
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Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

Quote:
Originally Posted by pearless
Your not married to him right? Well its not cheating. No ring no commitment. .
And how, under that logic, would a person develop the knowledge, understanding, compassion, and honesty required to bring them to the point of being ready to marry? We need to make mature decisions in order to grow as human beings, and learning to make those mature decisions does take practice!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 10:05 AM   #11
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dsleik HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

first of all, alcohol does not justify cheating and none of it is your sisters fault but i suppose she couldve stopped the situation. pearless says its not cheating because theres no ring?!??!.................... THATS SO NOT TRUE, youre still in a realtionship!! i think scotty1 is right....and you should nto keep this from the person "you love" how would you feel if he cheated adn then 2 yrs down the road you heard ti from someoen else. i think hes crazy if he forgives you, but if he does you better fess up soon. did you have sex or what cheating was it? i think people who cheat are not in love but in lust. there is a difference. love does not include dishonesty or disrespect. you could never have a healthy marriage if you dont confess. lastly, youre still in highschool!?.....marriage should be the last thing on your mind especially when you cant stay true to the one you say you love.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 10:09 AM   #12
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netle HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

Quote:
Originally Posted by pearless
Your not married to him right? Well its not cheating. No ring no commitment. Maybe this is a wake up call to you to tell you that this person is not for you. If you could have easily been with another person (that you dont know) then it may happen again. Dont mean to be blunt. My sister did the same thing, when she got married she did it again and again until there divorse 13 years later. least to say he never did find out about it. Good luck on finding your self.

Hmmm, this is sort of like saying oral sex doesn't count. It doesn't matter if they're married or not. There is already a mutual understanding of committment. If anyone used that to argue why they cheated, they would get a serious slap in the face.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 10:13 AM   #13
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Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

I seriously doubt he will leave you, he sounds like he loves you very much. I think he was just saying that to you as sort of a warning. As a guy who has said this before, I think it can be translated to mean. Please, please, don't ever cheat on me, I couldn't handle it. And he wanted confirmation that you would never do it. If you talk to him, and tell him how big a mistake it is, he will know that you will always be honest with him. He will believe you, because he wants to believe you. People that are in love, will believe anything that they want to believe. But on the other hand, if he finds out down the road, he won't ever be able to forgive or to trust again. You need to start rebuilding.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 10:34 AM   #14
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
I seriously doubt he will leave you, he sounds like he loves you very much. I think he was just saying that to you as sort of a warning. As a guy who has said this before, I think it can be translated to mean. Please, please, don't ever cheat on me, I couldn't handle it. And he wanted confirmation that you would never do it. If you talk to him, and tell him how big a mistake it is, he will know that you will always be honest with him. He will believe you, because he wants to believe you. People that are in love, will believe anything that they want to believe. But on the other hand, if he finds out down the road, he won't ever be able to forgive or to trust again. You need to start rebuilding.
Very true Corey!! Many times we make threats like "I will leave you if you cheat" when we have absolutely no idea of how we'd actually respond in that situation. I'll bet your boyfriend only thinks that's how he'd react if you cheated. Fact is, how is he to know how he'd react? Has he ever been cheated on?
This is a very good point Corey brought up. Whenever I'm asked what I'd do in a given situation, I usually have no way of answering the question because I've never been put in that situation.
Point is, he very well might forgive you. But you have to give him the opportunity to forgive you!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 12:26 PM   #15
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Re: He's thinking about marrying me. I cheated :'( :'(

:'( FIRST OF ALL... I KNOW IT'S MY FAULT. THIS WHOLE F'IN THING IS MY FAULT, AND IF THIS BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP ENDS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING STUPID THAT I DID... I WILL NOT... REPEAT... WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT..

dont tell me i dont love him and dont tell me it's lust, because it's not. s*h*i*t happens sometimes...

Yes, I slept with him, and Yes we used a condom. I'm clean. He's clean. Everythings' fine. But this is killing me. I'm so in love with him guys. I really am. I want everything with him, and I know he can give it to me. But he will leave me if I tell him. He wont find out about it because the guys goes back to Hawaii. But I tihnk I have to tell him. He says he falls in love with me more everyday and its the truth, because I can tell. It's the same for me :'( I don't know what to do.

Yes he's been cheated on... He's been hurt so many times. Left by his Dad. I mean, his life is really screwed up, and he says I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him.... I don't think that's so true anymore. :'(

It was a stupid stupid stupid decision, that I can't take back. But, I don't want to lose him. And I know I will... I don't know what to do guys. :'( :'( :'( I cant' stop crying. And everytime he's around me, .. like he wrote me an 8 page note one night about how much he loved me and how much he wanted us to work, and specifically said, please dont ever leave me. dont cheat on me. it'shappened to many times, i cant be hurt again... blah.

I feel sick to my stomach. Why did I do such a stupid f(u)cking thing knowing I had someone who loved me that much. I just don't get it. :'(

Last edited by YeahImScared; 08-25-2005 at 12:27 PM.

 
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