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Old 08-25-2005, 02:09 PM   #1
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What would you do?

This ties in with the thread about the importance of appearances in a relationship. What would you do if you were no longer attracted to your partner? Either the spark is gone or because that person gained weight or something of that nature.

(And no, this isn't an issue for me, that's not why I'm asking. Just curious to hear the responses.)

 
Old 08-25-2005, 02:12 PM   #2
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Re: What would you do?

well true love is unconditional, so if i truly loved him it wouldnt matter what happened. but i cant say looks arent important but to be honest i wouldnt go for someone i didnt find attractive. what im saying is once im in love it doesnt matter how they look if something happens. just my opinion!

 
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Old 08-26-2005, 09:06 AM   #3
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Re: What would you do?

Attraction, to me, is much more than just physical looks. Exactly why some women think Jonny Depp is hot, while others like Tom Cruise. A person's character and personality add (or detract) from physical attractiveness.

Also, the health of a realtionship definitely plays a part. If everyone involved feels loved, satisfied and happy, it's much easier to keep the spark alive. Generally (IMHO) when physical attractivness is gone, something else is missing in the relationship, whether it's a connection, happiness, security, etc. People let themselves go and stop taking care of themselves, and in turn tend to neglect their partner.

Of course, there can be acceptions to everything. But I think couples need to dig deeper than outside appearances when something is missing in a relationship.

 
Old 08-27-2005, 07:10 AM   #4
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Re: What would you do?

Well my boyfriend gained about 20 pounds and i still love him

 
Old 08-27-2005, 01:03 PM   #5
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Thumbs up Re: What would you do?

That is a very good question. When I met my husband I was quite a bit smaller than I am now, while he has always been a 'healthy' guy. Now that I am heavier, I guess I notice it on him more. I know I should do something about it, and every now and then I do, but sometimes I just think that he should do something about his weight as well. His response is that he is the same as when I met him and I am not. Good point. Luckily we have a very good relationship and I know he loves me no matter how much I weigh. I also know we would both be happier if I did lose some weight. When I lose a couple pounds I always feel better, but for some reason I don't stick with it. I started walking and I loved it, until I started getting shin splints. Those are not fun at all! Anyway, I guess the point of all this is that if you are no longer attracted to someone, it probably isn't due to how attractive that person is - unless of course major changes occur, then it is more understandable. Sometimes people just use someone else's looks as an excuse to get out of a relationship, instead of being honest about what is really the problem. I hope your curiosity has been taken care of. Bye for now -

 
Old 08-27-2005, 01:22 PM   #6
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Re: What would you do?

I personally think "unconditional" love is sort of a crock. Very few married people love each other truly unconditionally.I read somewhere that the most happily married couples are the ones that still "try", the ones that still keep trim, do little things like pick up their clothes, keep their breath fresh, all that stuff. There is a limit to just how blind love really is.

It would also depend on how involved you are. If it's just some guy you've been dating for a few months, you may just want to pack it in and move on. If it's your husband of 15 years, you'd want to try to work on the issues before you start thinking about "oh boy, I'm not feeling the spark anymore, should I bail?"

 
Old 08-27-2005, 02:31 PM   #7
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Re: What would you do?

If the spark is gone, walk away. I went out with my ex for 7 years, we were engaged, owned a house together, shard bank accounts, everything. But over time, I realised I wasn't in love with him anymore. And that feeling isn't coming back. So I made the massive step and I ended it. Yeah it was tough, had many a night crying into my pillow wondering if I was doing the right things. But at the end of the day I know I made the right decision. IT isn't whether they put on weight or anything, as if you truly love someone then that doesnt matter. Sometimes you just one day realise your not in love with them anymore, and thats the day you walk away. Lifes too short to stay with someone you're not in love with anymore. There are jessica simpson and nick lachey relationships out there, and we all deserve to have one, so walk away, and one day someone else will come along that you love so much, you can't bear to be apart from for a single second. I've now found that man. But unfortunatly for me, he has a girlfriend. But who knows what the future holds........

 
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