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Old 08-27-2005, 11:49 AM   #1
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he's YOUNG--opinions??

Hey all,

I just started coming to this board, and I have had a lot of fun--taken some advice and given some. People are nice. ANyhow, I have a question--a poll maybe--to see what the general idea of thinking is about this subject.


I somewhat recently started dating again, and the first relationship I had blew up in my face. We are no longer seeing each other. I have no problem meeting men--I have a problem liking them. I have a lot of guy friends, and one in particular, I met about 6months ago thru a girlfriend. We have hung out, drank, gone to parties together, always in a group.

Last weekend, we met and hung out together. Just us, talking all night, went to a party and out to a late breakfast. He has called me a couple of times (never b4 this last weekend did we talk on the phone) and left me really nice messages that brightened up my whole day.

Just saying things like, "I had such a great time w/ you, and "You're so fun to hang out with" and would love to see ya this weekend" kind of stuff.

I have called him back, and we talk--but like friends talk--not like we are setting up a date--more setting it up so we can see each other at the same place, same time, to hang out. Does that make sense??

Tonight he wants to hook up and go out. His friend is in town from NJ and he sadi it would be a lot of fun, especially if I would come with them. Now, I want to....but here is the clincher--and the question...He's 23. I am 38.


Do you all think there is something wrong with that? I mean, we have a great time together, he really seems mature for his age, and I'm not looking for anything real serious anyway.

ALso--the friend thru who we met is very weird about the girls he dates. I guess sister like would be a good description of her and his relationship. She is married to my recently blown up relationships best friend. Here's whereit gets a little sticky.

If we were to get closer--me and 23 yr old--how much would get back to this girl (a very good friend of his) and get back then to everyone else in this crowd? Are 23 yr old guys EVER mature enuf to keep a thing private? I know I could talk to him about it, and should if we were to get closer, but could I trust what he says?

I see it moving in that dierction if we keep getting together. There is definitely an attraction there. I am not ashamed, but would like to not have that circle of people knowing my business for once. Do you think b/c he's young that if I ask for discreetness he will think I am ashamed to be going out w/ him?

Not sure how to handle this one. I have never much cared about what people think--but this group---gossip spreads like a wildfire. How can I say.(if it even comes to this) that it would be much more fun to have a bit of a secret, private thing--w/out sounding ashamed in some way. Please offer advice.

 
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Old 08-27-2005, 12:25 PM   #2
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yob2u HB User
Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

I'm one of the ones who would say age means nothing. It's just an issue that society likes to frown upon. He's an adult and you're an adult, don't pass on something that may turn into something great just because a few people may not agree with the situation. If you guys feel a connection and love being around eachother go for it!

 
Old 08-27-2005, 09:32 PM   #3
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

why does it matter if other people know? Are sure you're not ashamed to date someone that young? Or, are you sure that you aren't thinking of just using this guy for fun and not for a serious relationship, and that's why you don't want your friends to know?

Just a few things to think about before you jump into this.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 08:15 AM   #4
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Too late!! Jumped in last night. Too funny!! Oh well, it was fun. Kinda knew that was coming. Talked to him about the discreet thing--he was ok with it.

To Redsoxgirl-- I know I am not ashamed--I have talked to three friends of mine this morning about last night, and they know of him from me talking the past few weeks. It's HIS circle of friends that I don't want to know. Big gossipers, and his very good girlfriend is my recent X's very, very good friend--and he may go balistic. Very possesive and weird, that one.

I just don't want the hassle, the talk behind my back. What I decide to do, or we decide to do I just think shouldn't be shared with them. I mean, I know I'm sharing it with you guys--so that's not totally private--but you guys don't know us, ya know?

Anyway, hopefully he'll be true to his word, and we can have a private thing. Private can be fun--right? He is really young tho--do you think he'll tell b/c he's young? Guess it just depends on the person--not the age. Oh well, I gotta go get some sleep. I posted b4 on this board about getting over a guy and moving on ---that my opinion was, the best way to do that is get one smokin hot guy, and get the other one out of your head. Shallow, but true. This morning---I have moved on!! LOL

 
Old 08-28-2005, 09:15 AM   #5
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Hey Laurie,
LOL I married my smokin' hot young guy 14 years ago. He had a group of somewhat inmature friends back then (but then again, so did I). He was 21 when we were married and I was 33. They could gossip all they wanted for all we cared, but for some reason, they didn't bother. I still don't know why. As for discretion in a 23 year old, you're right. It depends on the person. I know too many people my own age, and older, who have NO discretion whatsoever.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 09:31 AM   #6
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Hi,

Well I hope you have fun. I wouldn't worry so much about the hassle and the gossip. Age differences seems to be less of an issue these days than they used to be. Plus it's so normal for a guy to date someone younger, there's no reason you can't do the same.

As for his female friend who is a little too overprotective. Well, who knows, she might think you're good for him. And if not, you can always just try to stay on her nice side. But I wouldn't worry too much about it, just try to enjoy it while it lasts and see where it goes.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 11:50 AM   #7
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Hey Cookie---that's awesome!! SO funny you actually married your hottie, and way younger too. You go girl! Are you guys still together? I'm just curious how long it's been and if it's working. My friends are all calling me Demi this morning. Cracks me up.

My one friend goes, "Hey...You could teach this guy so much and his next girlfriend will owe you bigtime and should love you!!" We just laughed. It is kinda weird, the age thing. I talked to him a while ago and asked him if the age thing bothered him at all and he goes, "Are you ****** kidding me!!?? First of all, no one would ever guess you were a day over 25, including me. Secondly, even if they knew, you're absolutely gorgeous, smokin hot, Id have to be crazy. Doesn't bother me a bit.....You??"

I say, "No. I think you get to be a certain age and you can either carry on an intelligent conversation or you can't. I have more life experience, but I am the same person I was at 23 so I can only imagine the same is true about you."

We left it at that--but later my friend Billy called me. He was really going off about me being a cradle robber, and that it was silly for me to be dating him at all. I told him we were both adults and he cut me off saying he was a boy and don't call him an adult. If I called him my boy toy, he could live with that b/c at least it would be honest, but not to call him a consenting adult.

So I said, fine. He's my freaking boy toy, billy. Jeez!! I guess some people really DO have a problem with it, huh? He was like, "Of course he's gonna want you, Laurie. He's ****** 23 adn you're like the MILF mom of your daughter's high school!! Doesn't mean YOU should have done it. He's probably telling all his friends today that he f***** you last night and they're all high fiving each other. Is that how you want to be talked about??Act your age, girl!!"

Guess truth be told, it made me feel a little bit silly about it now. Just a small part of me tho, not most of me. Most of me says I am entitled to do whatever I want. I was safe, my kids were not at home, and so what if he's young. He's more than young--he's nice, he's cute, he's funny, sexy, friendly, polite, gentle, and fun to hang out with. What is so wrong with enjoying the physical thing if you want?

ANd why would NO ONE be thinking this if it was older man, younger woman?? That's been acceptable forever. If you're talking just a physical relationship---men peak much younger, women around my age--so shouldn't it make much more sense this way? Maturity depends on the indiviual I think. I was very mature at 23, and some people my age (guy that just broke up with me recently--or lack of breaking up at all would be a better description of it) are the most immature people I have ever met. So there's living proof I guess that it's not an age thing, it's a maturity thing.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 07:23 PM   #8
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

If you're talking a fling or a sexual relationship, then go for it..but careful not to get too serious coz it can blow up in your face again seeing that he is so young.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 08:30 PM   #9
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Nope--not getting serious with anyone--especially someone 15yrs younger than me. I have two kids, a home, career, etc. There is a few things this guy can offer me--fun companionship, sex, disraction--but not serious relationship long term stuff.

That I am not looking for--just some fun is all. I am not thinking about X anymore and thinking I would want him back, and that is a plus for me. He has way too many issues and is not good for me. I felt very out of control for a while with that one, and it's very nice to feel in control for a change.

We'll see how things go--I know I won't see this young guy for a couple of weeks anyway b/c next weekend is my weekend to spend with my kids. I'll letcha know how it goes. Thanks for the replies everyone. I feel good about it and have absolutely no regrets--altho my friends say to watch out--that he is going to fall head over heel and then I'll have a problem. I don't think this is at all true tho.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 09:18 PM   #10
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Good for you, Laurie! I think you're totally right that none of your friends would have a problem with this if the genders were reversed. I really love your attitude and think your outlook about this situation is very healthy and enlightened...your friend Billy, to be honest, just sounds really miserable and bitter and repressed. No one who is happy and fulfilled in their own life feels the need to get so judgmental and worked up about what other adults are doing in the privacy of their own bedrooms. I am 23, and I know some incredibly mature men and women, just as I know some immature men and women who are decades older...you can't draw any conclusions about how someone will act given their age. There are probably almost, or just as many, childish jerks out there closer to your age than they are my age. I don't think anyone who is truly a friend of yours with your happiness and best interests at heart would get so bent out of shape about something like this--either he is really frustrated and unsatisfied with his own sex life or he has romantic feelings for you and is really jealous and threatened by what happened with your younger man. I have always agreed with you that by far the best way to get over an ex is to find an absolutely gorgeous guy to distract you , and I for one am thrilled to hear that this guy has taken your mind off your selfish, confused, and manipulative ex whose memory was keeping you feeling lonely and unhappy. And good for you, Cookie! Life is way too short to care what miserable people, who clearly have their own problems interfering with their ability to wish anyone else happiness, gossip about and lecture you about. Your true friends will support you in anything and everything that makes you happy and fulfilled...please don't let any outsiders make you feel silly or bad for something through which both people found happiness and no one got hurt. The only person you should ever have to answer to is yourself, and you have absolutely no reason to have any negative feelings about this encounter whatsoever! It makes me mad to think of people who claim to care about you talking behind your back and trying to drag you down and put you on a guilt trip...life I said, life is far too short to care what other people think and try to please everyone. Just go with your heart, try to be happy, treat other people with kindness and respect, and you can't go wrong! I am happy that you had such a great weekend and hope things continue to go well with your new guy, boy toy or not! Hold your head high, sweetie, and don't you dare let any jealous haters drag you down to their level of unhappiness!

 
Old 08-28-2005, 09:19 PM   #11
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Be careful tho, coz its very easy to get emotionally involved with someone who is amazing in bed and also makes you feel special and wonderful..make sure you know its just FUN and if it goes anywhere else, break it off

 
Old 08-28-2005, 09:22 PM   #12
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

But why should she have to break it off just because he's younger? I'm not saying he's the love of her life or anything, but who are we to judge, and how can we know that this couldn't turn into a mutually fulfilling relationship? My ex is extremely mature and his only serious relationship before me was with a woman 15 years his senior...sometimes this can prove to be a good match. I don't think any of us can forsee how this will turn out, but I don't agree that it's inherently a bad idea and that you should avoid getting involved with him based only on his age.

 
Old 08-29-2005, 08:49 AM   #13
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

I just LOVE eaglesgirl!!! Proves my point of maturity, now doesn't it? She's 23 and already has more maturity than my recent X of 36!!

I really feel great about what happened, and honestly am anxiously anticipating it happing again......and again..... LOL!!!!! Kinda sucks it has to be a couple of weeks, but oh well--life has many responsibilities, and like Billy says.."I need to act my age!!" LOL!!

Billy IS really unhappy with his sex life, eaglesgirl!! You hit the nail right on the head on that one. Very good at this stuff, aren't you? He has been separated for 6 yrs and not yet divorced, or sleeping with his X at all, but wants to get back with her. I tell him he should get out and move on, and he doesn't like that either--so I guess now is my turn.


I'm SO not thinking about Joe anymore, (my X) and that is great cuz I was in a bad, obsessive way for him and it sucked. If I was still really hung up on him tho, it could be worse--this guys name is Joey--so if I yelled it out, NO problem! KIDDING!!!!! Just wanted to make ya laugh!!!

Gotta go get some stuff done. There are some really great people on this board. I like coming here. I'll keep ya posted on my youngen!! LOL!!

 
Old 08-29-2005, 02:31 PM   #14
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Cool Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Laurie,
In answer to your question-Yes, we're still married and going strong. Now he's 35 and I'm 47. People who don't know us just assume we're the same age - thirty-something.

 
Old 08-29-2005, 03:33 PM   #15
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Re: he's YOUNG--opinions??

Laurie: I know it's hard to do and easy to say, but concentrate on how he makes you feel and just go with it. If you two happen to be on the same level emotionally, maybe it'll progress into something deeper. If not? Well, I'm sure it'll be a fling you won't soon forget.


Cookie: I'm dating a man 11 years older than myself (22 and 33). I'm wondering how your relationship mixed with friends.

It sounds like I'm in the same position as your husband was when you two started dating: Beginning to grow apart from immature (college) friends, everyone moving away physically and mentally. I realize that I'm going to need to make new friends whether or not I'm with my boyfriend, but I think the dynamic is going to be quite different than if I was with a man who didn't have his group of friends already and/or was my age.
How did you two deal (or possibly, not even have to deal) with this?

 
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