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Old 08-28-2005, 05:31 AM   #1
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mada_3083 HB User
Back again

i didn't think i'd be asking for advice on here for a long time... but i am... i've met a great girl... keeps me on my toes, great sense of humour, and a heart of gold. been seeing her almost a month... just wondering if it's natural to run out of things to say. i mean we talk on the phone for about 4-6 hours a night... and sometimes we get end one convo and it takes a bit to flair up another... the ones that do flair up are fantastic... on one hand i am shy, so any conversation out of me is a good thing, and i think that maybe i'm just looking at the hollywood style romances too much (never an uncomfortable silence etc)... or is it just a sign that we're not as compatable as i thought.

i really really like this girl, and she seems to like me ... although sometimes i actually feel a bit uneasy before calling her, because i'm working myself up over having nothing to say.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 05:39 AM   #2
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Re: Back again

I know the feeling of running out of things to say, and I do think it's a sign that you might not be with the right person. It is normal to have some comfortable silences once you get comfortable with each other, but when you find the right person, you really shouldn't feel nervous before talking to them or have to think of things to discuss. On the other hand, I can't imagine it's easy to keep a conversation going for 4-6 hours each day! I can't even imagine talking that much on the phone unless it's a long distance relationship, but personally I hate the phone and don't believe in long distance relationships unless it's temporary. I wouldn't worry too much yet, just pay attention to whether or not she's a woman you could talk to for the foreseeable future without getting bored. And I would strongly recommend not talking on the phone so much...that's really extreme, and almost every relationships that suck up so much time and energy from the start end up burning out before long. Why not focus on the quality of your conversations rather than the quanity? If you talk less, each conversation will feel more special, like a treat rather than a burden or obligation. I just don't see any couple being able to sustain that much communication every day for very long...while it is common and tempting to want to spend a huge amount of time talking/together when a relationship starts, in reality that usually ends up hurting the relationship in the long run. It's important to maintain your own space, interests, friends, activities, hobbies, etc. Too much intensity and togetherness almost inevitably causes a relationship to burn out sooner than it would have otherwise, so keeping some space, some mystery even, to yourself is healthy both to avoid having a relationship consume your whole life and to give it a better chance at long term survival.

 
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Old 08-28-2005, 08:36 AM   #3
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Back again

Hi Mada! Glad to hear you've met someone special!
Yep, I'd have to say that talking 4 - 6 hours a day probably a bit much - after discussing the day and the rest of the universe I'd still have 2-3 hours left!
Try holding it to an hour or so (not like you're on a timer or anything) and when the conversation starts to slow down its time to do the old 'better get going but I'll talk to you tomorrow' thing.
So tell me more about her! How did you meet?
Ruth

 
Old 08-28-2005, 08:48 AM   #4
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Re: Back again

Um, I agree. I'm sure it's difficult for anyone to keep a conversation interesting for 4-6 hours a day. Perhaps you should just limit the conversations to a couple of hours and try to leave on a good note so that it will leave her wanting more.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 09:14 AM   #5
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Re: Back again

How much time do you actually spend with her in person?

 
Old 08-28-2005, 10:13 PM   #6
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Re: Back again

i see her a couple of times a week so far, she has been sick this week, so that's part of the increase in phone calls... i think i'm over reacting, as everyone has said, i guess it's natural that after that long talking you'd run out of things to say occassionally... it's never boring talking to her... as i said, it's just when one conversation runs it's course it can take a little while to lead into the next one, but next time i might cut it short and see how things go from there.

yesterday i posted this because i think i'm looking to fault the relationship, because i'm nervous after being hurt so many times.

 
Old 08-28-2005, 10:28 PM   #7
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Re: Back again

Yeah Mada, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I do think it might be beneficial to your relationship if you guys cut back on the phone calls a bit, as it's always nice to leave each other wanting more. Preserving some distance and space only adds to the mystery and builds your anticipation of seeing and talking to each other, which is always a good thing when it comes to inculcating mutual longing and desire . So I think you have a good plan: next time your conversation reaches a natural lull, why not hang up for awhile and that way you can appreciate each conversation more? That way you won't run any risk of growing bored with each other or starting to view talking on the phone as an obligation rather than a delightful highlight of each day. I think it's a great sign that you can recognize when you are subconsciously looking to find fault with your relationship--we all occasionally exaggerate or invent problems/drama within our relationships whenever we feel a little vulnerable and insecure, but as long as you are on guard against this tendency, I'm sure you'll have no trouble nipping it in the bud before it takes any negative toll on your relationship. Good luck, take care, and I hope your GF is feeling great again soon!

 
Old 08-29-2005, 11:44 AM   #8
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dsleik HB User
Re: Back again

i dont think it because youre with the wrong person!??!?! i think its because you have obviously been talking too much so of course you will run out of things to say! 4-6 hrs is a long time! youre just getting to know eachother. maybe try to keep the conversations less frequent and shorter and things will go more smoothly and not as awkward. key words you have: great girl, fantastic convos. what more could you ask for when getting to know someone?!?

 
Old 08-29-2005, 12:11 PM   #9
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Re: Back again

That's WAAAYYYYY too much time on the phone. I would fall asleep! I run out of things to say to my wonderful husband of 10 yrs!
And don't doom your relationship by trying to find fault in it. I heard a saying once: "Dance like there's no one watching and love like you've never been hurt before".

 
Old 08-30-2005, 03:20 AM   #10
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: Back again

agreed susieq... that's my aim.

i saw her again last night because she's finally starting to feel better. and definately going to cut down on time on the phone. hehe. gulp... here it goes :P

 
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