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Old 08-28-2005, 09:03 PM   #1
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sevkln7of9 HB User
from friend to girlfriend

i met this girl mallory working at a summer camp, and we have become great friends. i consider her to be my best girl friend, but i want her to be my girlfriend. i've known her for four years, and every year, one of us always hooks up with someone else at camp. this past year however, i confessed to her that i really like her, and she admitted that she liked me too. we began a physical relationship, because she said she didn't want anything more that that, since we live too far away to have anything more. when i told her that i was going to be going to school very close to her, and that i wanted to start something with her, she was less than excited. she told me that she really liked me, and i believe her, so why doesn't she want to be something more? the reason she told me she doesn't want to be more than friends, is every boyfriend she had previously, had all been really good guy friends, and when they broke up, they hated each other, and she doesn't want to lose me. i really like her, but i don't know if i should try to pursue something, or leave it alone and see what happens. i don't want to seem like i'm obsessive to her, and ruin our friendship.

 
Old 08-29-2005, 01:21 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2004
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: from friend to girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by sevkln7of9
i met this girl mallory working at a summer camp, and we have become great friends. i consider her to be my best girl friend, but i want her to be my girlfriend. i've known her for four years, and every year, one of us always hooks up with someone else at camp. this past year however, i confessed to her that i really like her, and she admitted that she liked me too. we began a physical relationship, because she said she didn't want anything more that that, since we live too far away to have anything more. when i told her that i was going to be going to school very close to her, and that i wanted to start something with her, she was less than excited. she told me that she really liked me, and i believe her, so why doesn't she want to be something more? the reason she told me she doesn't want to be more than friends, is every boyfriend she had previously, had all been really good guy friends, and when they broke up, they hated each other, and she doesn't want to lose me. i really like her, but i don't know if i should try to pursue something, or leave it alone and see what happens. i don't want to seem like i'm obsessive to her, and ruin our friendship.
it's always a difficult situation, and i agree with her that after each relationship, there is only a slim possibility of remaining friends with that ex.

the fact that you started a physical relationship however kind of puts that to one side, as once it gets physical, i don't think the friendship will ever be the way it was... also considering how you really like this girl, in more than a friendly way, i think that the friendship is already in jeapordy... because in all honesty will you be a true friend, or a friend after more?

i think the whole "i want to preserve the friendship" thing should have come up before the physical relationship... also it's impossible to second guess people... so really, your options are to say how you feel, ask her if she honestly feels the friendship will ever be the same considering what's already happened... and go from there... a bunch of people with an internet connection can only give you 1/100th the information that an honest chat with this girl can.

one thing i've learnt from my closest female friend (and my big time ex) is that a true, good friendship, is 1000 times more important than that "something more" in the GF/ BF relationship.

 
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