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Old 08-29-2005, 09:22 AM   #1
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wyldchyld HB User
Unhappy same arguement over and over

I don't know what to do, my b/f and I keep having the same arguement over and over about my best friend who is also his ex. She is very self-centered and has a history of dumping on me alot. She is really my only female friend because I have a huge trust issue with people. The thing is they hate each other, he's worried she will try breaking us up and she hates that I spend time with him. She really hurt him when they were going out and I was the one he leaned on for help and he's always been there for me when she lets me down. He's trying to protect me and my feelings but I feel like he's telling me I shouldn't be friends with her. But he and I will be in different schools this year and she will be the only friend I have there. He thinks I should make new friends but he doesn't realize how hard that is for me. He's right, she will try breaking us up but I love him so much, that's not going to happen. And she is so jealous of him. I'm torn because i really, really love him but her and I have this bond that no one can break. He said he will deal with her being around, but not nicely, and if she hurts me again he will flip on her. He knows I dont have the confidence to tell her myself how much she hurts me when she dumps on me. I'm afraid if I tell her she'll just walk away and I will be all alone in school. I don't know how to handle this and keep everybody happy.

 
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Old 08-29-2005, 10:07 AM   #2
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: same arguement over and over

I don't understand why you want a friend who has a history of dumping on you a lot. I'm sure you will meet some new girlfriends when you go back to school. She just doesn't sound like a good friend and I sure wouldn't want to have someone like her as my best girlfriend.

 
Old 08-29-2005, 10:20 AM   #3
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Kali HB User
Re: same arguement over and over

You didn't know how much they hated each other when you started dating hinm? I hate to point out the obvious, but surely you knew about their hatred BEFORE getting involved, right?

And I also don't understand why you would want to be friends with a person like her anyway. Either she is supportive and loving, despite her personal feelings, or she is manilulative and caniving. A person who you have a bond with that no one can break DOES NOT break up realtionships!!!

Erin

 
Old 08-29-2005, 11:17 AM   #4
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eaglesgirl37 HB User
Re: same arguement over and over

Yeah, I've experienced and heard about way too many examples of so-called female friends who do everything in their power to make their friends feel insecure and sabotage their relationships or anything else that makes them happy, just to feel better about their own miserable lives. Your boyfriend is right that this girl wants to ruin your relationship and tear you apart, and while I understand that you won't let that happen, women often have a very subtle, gradual, insidious way of planting seeds of doubt and insecurity in your head, thus sabotaging your relationships while you don't even notice what they're doing! This girl seems to fit the description of what we refer to here as a toxic friend, who is essentially someone whose impact on your life is more negative than positive overall and someone who would like to see you as unhappy and insecure as she is and stops at nothing to sneakily achieve that goal. I strongly suggest gradually distancing yourself from this girl...I had a "best friend" in high school who was much the same way, always miserable and whining about her own unfulfilling life and trying to drag me down to her level, but unfortunately, out of pity and loyalty to her, I stayed "best friends" with her much longer than I should have. By then she was spreading cruel and untrue rumors about me all over school and trying to convince my BF to leave me for her and to persuade my friends to ditch me based on lies she'd make up about me. Honestly, girl friends like this are just toxic, and the sooner and more thoroughly you can minimize her impact on your life and relationships, the better...but please take it from me, don't let your guard down and give her the benefit of the doubt. Chances are she's always scheming to mess things up for you in one way or another, so you'll need to be vigilant about preventing her from succeeding in sabotaging your relationship, friendships, and self-esteem. It's better to have fewer or no friends than to let someone whose negativity is contagious play a major role in your life. Good luck and take care!

 
Old 08-29-2005, 11:24 AM   #5
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Piranna65 HB User
Re: same arguement over and over

yeah, i'd assume there was hatred before you two started dating after your "friend" dated him. And as someone else metioned why would you want a friend that is constantly dumping on you anyway? Is it really worth it?

Im not saying a guy should come before a friend but if she's not a good friend to begin with would it truely be a loss?

 
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