Originally Posted by marie13
My husband of 12 years is a drinker. I am not sure what constitutes an alcoholic but he doesn't go more than 24 hrs without a drink. This week he drank a bottle of wine and a bottle of brandy in one night at home, spent another day in the pub drinking on Saturday, spent all day in the pub today, and is going away for 2 nights to a conference where he will drink heavily. Basically today it all came to a head and I lost the plot. For years I have tried not to make an issue of it simply to keep the peace but tonight he said he was coming home at 7 to say goodbye to the kids before bed as he's going away and arrived two hours later very drunk. I just saw red and started hitting him... I feel awful...he says that because his drinking doesn't affect his job or make him violent its okay. I don't see it like that...I like a drink but I can have one or two, he seems unable to stop. I worry for his health and he just tells me I'm a nag and miserable...after tonight I don't see how we can recover from this. I don't know where to go from here....I know violence isn't the answer but he will not listen to my concerns however I put them to him. Any help out there?
Unfortunately, in situations like yours, you really can't help an alcoholic unless and until he wants to be helped. There are several questions that substance abuse counselors ask to determine whether someone has a problem with alcohol. I can't remember all of them but some of them are:
Do you evern black out/lose time/not remember what you did the night before?
Do you ever drink alone?
Do you feel like you need a drink to be social?
One whole bottle of wine AND one whole bottle of brandy does seem to be quite a lot. Then to drink to the point of intoxication the next two days following that? Yes, I'd say if he's not a full blown alcoholic, he's quickly on his way. I'd say it's time to get friends and family involved. You might want to set up an intervention, where co-workers, friends and family confront him and tell him flat out that he has a problem and why and they don't let him leave the room until he agrees to get treatment. If he continues to refuse to acknowledge his problem, then you have a choice to make - either continue to live in a constant state of worry and aggravation wondering if tonight is the night he's going to kill himself or someone else driving home drunk or is this the day we find out he has serosis of the liver or some other health problem, or do you choose a more healthy, stable, peaceful lifestyle and leave him.