| | ending a relationship
I'm looking for a bit of advice and support -I've been living with my OH for 10 years, 7 yrs ago he called off our engagement and said he didn't love me anymore. I was devastated but as he was suffering from depression at the time I held on believing that he would eventually get himself sorted out and we would have a chance to be happy again.
I thought that was happening 5 years ago when he said he'd really like a baby (having always said he'd never want one) and I believed that this was his first step on the road to commitment (he had started saying he loved me ages ago but wouldn't get married).
So we had a beautiful baby and still he didn't want to get married. Then, 2 yrs ago he asked me to marry him on new years eve and the next day said he 'couldn't do it'. that was the last straw for me. I promised myself I wouldn't get my hopes up again just for him to hurt me and began to build a wall against him, I realised then how little we had been truly happy together and how long I had been waiting for it to be good.
Now I don't love him anymore. I had a fling with a really great guy when I was way for a week and it made me realise how far away from our relationship I had gone emotionally. Me and the guy are still in email contact and are just friends but I would like it to be more - but he lives 200 miles away, though theres a very slight possibility he may be moving closer at some point.
Now my OH is saying he'd marry me in a shot and I could have anything I wanted but I just don't feel anything anymore.
I'm pretty terrified of ending it - losing my home and having to stand on my own two feet - finding a new home for me and the kids and living alone. The thought of never finding someone new.
If anyone has any advice I'd be really grateful as I'm so incredibly worried about the practicalities and finances (I don't have a job yet) of being alone, as well as the emotional side.
Also I wonder sometimes, as me and my OH get on very amicably, whether it is possible to get the spark back, for me to love him again rather than throw it away. I don't want to stay and always wonder if I could have had a better relationship with someone else.
Argghh. So confused!