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Old 09-01-2005, 01:27 PM   #1
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Am I in the wrong?

Well, as many of you know, The hurricane hit the Gulf Coast, and my girlfriends city was hit pretty hard, and there's a bad gas shortage where I live. I live 50 Miles from my girlfriend.

I've been having a lot of people on here, and my friends telling me I should break up with her, but I've been having a hard time doing that.

Well, me and her had a disagreement, but we both agree'd to work things out.

Well, She's been wanting me to go over there and with the interstates packed, and gas hard to find, and my money situation, I told her I wasn't able to make it out there because of everything going on. It's been 2 weeks since we've seen each other.

I have a feeling she's going to break up with me later today, as she said "I'll get in touch with you later, I'll write you an email" and she said she's been thinking about our relationship a lot latly.

Am I in the wrong for not going out of my way just to go see her?

 
Old 09-01-2005, 01:48 PM   #2
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

I dont' think you are in the wrong at all. You have a lot going on in your life as does she. She needs to be understanding that things are not going to be easy. She needs to realize that and work with you the best she can.

 
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Old 09-01-2005, 02:00 PM   #3
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

IF she's someone you don't plan to stay friends with after you dump her, then no. 50 miles is about an hour, hour and a half drive. If the way is clear and not really dangerous for you to travel, I don't know, I'd do it for someone I truly cared about, but not for someone I really don't want in my life anymore.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 02:10 PM   #4
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

I do like her a lot and I do care about her,

BUT, She's very controlling of me, I have to ALWAYS Drive over there because her car has a bad transmission, and she doesn't have a job so I'm always paying for EVERYTHING.. and she's 25. She's able to work, she's just choosing not to.

I'm having to find a new job tommorrow just because I can't afford to drive to my current job anymore, let alone drive out to see her all the time.

Everything was going good until this past sunday, she called after she went to church saying "I don't think we should have sex anymore until we get married, and I think we should date for a while before we get married, at least a year or two"

This isn't the first time she's said this, I just had all the sudden changes like this...

I can understand waiting until marrage for sex, but when everything is going great, and one it's like "no more" It just doesn't add up.. The Sudden Change just doesn't add up.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 02:21 PM   #5
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

I thought she WASN'T having sex with you.

And what about that (fake) pregnancy?

What does she expect you to do, drive through flood waters to see her?

Personally, if you'd even CONSIDER marrying her, after everything I've read, you need your head examined.

Last edited by Hangin in There; 09-01-2005 at 02:22 PM.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 02:58 PM   #6
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

Well with the gas prices rising so bad and your financial situation being what it is, maybe you should use this time to take a break from this girl.

You are so young, 21 right? Why would you want to tie yourself down to such a controling, dead beat woman? I know I sound harsh and I am sorry, but why on earth would she choose NOT to work and support herself? Why would an able bodied young person choose to sit on her rear end and NOT do something to earn money and get herself a decent car or to fix the one she has?

I don't need to ask why she has cut off the sex, because I am pretty sure what she is up to with that one. She thinks you will marry her faster,because you will be desperate for sex!

Life is just too short for you to be so unhappy!! What does she REALLY bring to this relationship?

 
Old 09-01-2005, 03:23 PM   #7
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

she is extremely selfish and controlling if she wants you to drive throught a hurricane and backed up traffic when gas is outrageous to see her. if youre having doubts about your feelings for her and feeling like she is gonna break up w you then what are you doing wasting your time w someone you dont trust ( as in feelings for you) i dont think that just because of the hurricane situation, that you should break w her, but because of the selfish reasons she wants you to put up with, and your doubt of the relationship. can she agree to a civil conversation over the phone until the hurricane situation settles? good luck

 
Old 09-01-2005, 03:24 PM   #8
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

I don't really have much to say about your actual concern, as to whether you're wrong for not going to see her. I don't know what you mean by her city being "hit hard," but if she needs you because she/her family needed help cleaning up after the storm, or their cars were damaged and they needed someone to get supplies to them, etc. In that case, I might say that you should go there. But if they got some rain and wind and everything's fine now and she just wants to see you, then you should definitely not feel guilty about not coming because you cant' afford the gas and want to stay off the road so people who need to be for more important reasons can get around.

But this girl, she is in no way holding up any part of a relationship. She likes your company and your contributions to her entertainment, food, etc. and that is probably about it. She has no job, and not much intention on getting one. She's been clinging to you, anxiously wanting to get married asap, but suddenly wants to wait. You told us she was refusing to have sex til marriage, judging by your post she must have given in?? Which totally takes away any of the credibility she had when she said she was reborn into a "no more sex till marriage" ideal. She's inconsistent and overzealous and greedy and clingy and ungrateful. But the nature of people is to take everything they can get. If you've been pulling back recently and not giving in to everything she wants, this could be why she suddenly isn't as rarin' to go as far as marriage, and maybe she's even holding back the sex because she's not getting what she wants--you're undivided attention, your open wallet, your instant willingness to drive a hundred mile round trip to see her. Of course a girl deserves to be wined and dined and treated well. But she shouldn't expect that you ALWAYS go out of your way for her, she needs to give something too.

I'm interested in your response, as to whether you've been doing what you needed to do for yourself, and having some "mike" time, not getting yourself in debt by taking her out constantly, saving the gas and miles on your car. If the answer is yes, then I do think that she probably is unhappy with that, which explains her suddenly not being as interested in you. Do NOT give in to save your relationship. You're doing nothing wrong. If she can't adjust to you living this way, then let her break up with you, because she isn't worth it.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 03:36 PM   #9
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

I just got the email, saying she can't see this relationship going on.

I'm sure it's going to hurt me later on once it sinks in, but for the time being, It's nice to be back to my normal life...

I'M FREE!!! *breath's deeply*

Our Differences in Religion is what caused things to end. While we are both Christan, She takes things WAY more seriously than I do, which being close to god is great, but when it starts causing problems, that's when it's not a good thing. I believe too much of anything can be bad.

I'm going to miss the good times we did have with each other, but at the same time, I'm not going to miss "Stop slurping that drink" and "I think that's going to be your last cough drop, I can't stand the noise of it hitting your teeth"

There were many times where I wanted to listen to my own music when she was around, and once time we did and she kept going on and on how it's bad because of our Religion...

I feel as if I can BREATH now... and I have been thinking about joining the Navy eventually, and her reaction to this was just insane... I'm sorry, but I've got to look out for the future of my life, I'm not going to get anywhere working at a department store, and I cannot afford college right now.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 03:40 PM   #10
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

Great post, redsoxgirl.

Mike, you haven't seen her for two weeks....why not let her go? Believe me, there is a better, working, woman for you closer to your home. This other flake wants you to jump through hoops for her. And what does she really contribute to the relationship, besides confusion, frustration and head games?

Every time you put a thread up about her, the response is unanimous. Even your friends are telling you to break up with her. Do you think we're ALL wrong? She's lazy and just using you.

Edit: A few minutes late. I just saw your post. She probably thinks if she breaks up you'll be begging her not to. Don't do it.

See, as soon as you stopped spending money on her she lost interest.

Last edited by Hangin in There; 09-01-2005 at 03:44 PM.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 03:45 PM   #11
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

im sorry youre hurt....understandable but i think you can go on w your life living the way you want to. religion is a tough topic when it comes to relationships and its hard to compromise, but i think you will find someone who treats you like a human and wont belittle you. try and forget about her but keep the good memories close by. you will soon see you are better off w out her and you will be happier in the long run. good luck joining the navy... now you can be yourself and do what you want to how you want and when you want to. shes really immature that she had to write you an email to break up. just dont let her know it bothers you too much because then again she has the control over your feelings. be strong and let her know.... Good luck!!

 
Old 09-01-2005, 03:47 PM   #12
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

Right now, It feels SOOOOOOOO Good to have my life back to normal.

I felt like I couldn't breath, that I had no time to myself anymore, and my free time was ALWAYS spent with her, I never had alone time, because she always wanted me there.

Now, I will be able to get my bills back on track hopefully over the next several months or even years. It's going to be nice to be able to pay my bills on time and acctually buy things for myself!

I should have seen this coming from the first date, but noooooooooooooo... I didn't listen and I ignored my inner feelings... BIG MISTAKE, but I did learn A LOT.

*Sigh*
It's going to hurt looking back at the good times, but it's also nice being "mike" again.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 03:57 PM   #13
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

I am NOT going back to her... no way, no how. I'm going to take a LONG break from dating for a while... I need some time to breath after all this mess. I have a very bad habit of putting things off.. I've been wanting to break up with her, and I knew everyone was right (people here, my friends, etc) but I just kept putting things off...

I'm will tell her that I agree with her decision about breaking up, However, I don't know if I will talk to her anymore after that. She said something about staying friends, but I personally don't like to stay friends with ex's.. I just like to move on without any distractions.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 04:06 PM   #14
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

its good to not be friends w an ex, although its nice that she offered to not let you out of her life........ but i think it should be attempted in a longterm relationship...which i see youre in the clear of that! you seem so relieved!! youre right, you need time for yourself.. someone worth your time will come along when you least expect it.

 
Old 09-01-2005, 04:13 PM   #15
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Re: Am I in the wrong?

If you don't have any money, gas prices are zooming, and the interstate's packed, then no, you're not in the wrong. Personally, I wouldn't visit that area of the country right now unless I were part of a rescue team.

Things are just going to get worse down there. More people are going to die, from bacteria-borne disease and lack of medical care. I don't think FEMA will give flood insurance to anybody in that area, so they're all scr**ed. I wish I could send them some money, but I'm broke, too.

 
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