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Old 09-02-2005, 01:38 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9
Citron HB User
Red face Help: I think about my GF and her ex-boyfriends way too much

I'm taking this off, thanks for the advice.

Last edited by Citron; 09-06-2005 at 11:52 AM.

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Old 09-02-2005, 03:30 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 633
LostMyHeart HB User
Re: Help: I think about my GF and her ex-boyfriends way too much

Well, I don't have any earth shattering revelations for you, but my best advice would be to think about how detrimental this will end up being to your relationship. Imagine how low you will feel when you drive her away, that should be worth putting an end to these thoughts.

Have you had an unhappy/disappointing life to this point?
Sometimes when we are used to everything going wrong in life, we unconciously set ourselves up to sabotage everything that comes along, by whatever means. We pick things apart and drive others away, because unhappiness and sadness is what we have learned how to deal with. Have you ever learned how to just be happy? Have you had positive situations occur to teach you the feeling of happiness?
I don't know your whole background here, so I'm just throwing something out there.
I do similar things, and could guess that somwhere within the reasons.
If so, that would be an issue for counseling. You have to allow yourself to be happy in order to ever get there.

Old 09-05-2005, 12:52 PM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9
Citron HB User
Re: Help: I think about my GF and her ex-boyfriends way too much

Thanks, that does help. That has got me thinking...

Old 09-05-2005, 01:21 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 228
cremebrulee HB User
Re: Help: I think about my GF and her ex-boyfriends way too much

i know how you feel. i tend to get obsessed about the girls my guy has dated. it is normal to feel this way. but you need to try to not let this effect your relationship with your gf. don't obsess over why your gf dated certain guys. we all make mistakes in our lives. love has a certain way of blinding us. have you never looked back at your relationships and wonder why you were even interested in the person. maybe at that moment in your life, they helped to fulfill a certain need. we all change and our priorities change. concentrate on your relationship with your gf. it shouldn't matter who she dated in the past and why she dated them.

me and my guy have an unwritten rule. we do not talk about out exes. he doesn't talk about the girls he has dated and does not like it when i talk about the guys i have dated.

Old 09-05-2005, 01:46 PM   #5
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 900
Music4All HB User
Re: Help: I think about my GF and her ex-boyfriends way too much

Reading what you wrote about your past relationships, you may help yourself get over this obsession if you realize she has more to worry about you than you do her.

Old 09-05-2005, 04:41 PM   #6
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9
Citron HB User
Re: Help: I think about my GF and her ex-boyfriends way too much

I'm taking this post off, too. Thanks for all the advice, it was really helpful.

Last edited by Citron; 09-06-2005 at 11:56 AM.

Old 09-05-2005, 10:01 PM   #7
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 518
mada_3083 HB User
Re: Help: I think about my GF and her ex-boyfriends way too much

just get over it before it eats you inside

she didn't make a mistake being with the other guy or guys, she was becoming the person you know now... what would you change about her (personality wise)? hopefully nothing... well if you were to remove the other guys, you'd be with a completely different woman...

so... move on from it... concentrate on why your together, not why she was with other people.

and yes she's with you for some absurd reason... if there were no reason she wouldn't be with you, and if it was logical i don't think it'd be love

again concentrate on making this the BEST relationship for her to look back and analyse, and she probably won't have to

Last edited by mada_3083; 09-05-2005 at 10:05 PM.

Old 09-06-2005, 12:45 PM   #8
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 62
daria74 HB User
I wish you had kept it up...

just reading the header flashed me back to my ex. I had never heard of another guy with this issue to this extreme (if in fact they are as similar as they sound). My old BF would go through spells (mostly the 1st year of our relationship) where he would get into this obsessive mode of thinking vivid sexual scenes of me with my exes (some of which he had never met or seen!). He had no control over it and it drove him nuts - he could not stop thinking that they must have been better in bed, etc, just this illogical constant comparing to men I had been with in the past. I was not one to bring up the past a lot, do not have a ton of ex-lovers, or ever THINK of comparing him to one of them out loud, so it wasn't anything on my end. It also wasn't an actual OCD, it was just his insecurity, but he did not know how to stop it. It got to the point where he couldn't even enjoy coming with me to visit my mother because he knew I had "been with" other guys while living at her house - and he had to get drunk to deal with even spending time there! I hope your problem wasn't as bad. Eventually he went to therapy (for this and other issues) and it did get better the last year of our relationship (we broke up for other reasons)...

Old 12-26-2005, 06:01 PM   #9
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 151
muzicman66 HB User
Re: Help: I think about my GF and her ex-boyfriends way too much

Maybe it"s time to find the source of this insecurity issue. Therapy might be an option. One can"t have a relationship with such thoughts in one"s head.

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