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Old 09-03-2005, 06:23 PM   #1
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emma_j_21 HB User
ok here it all is everything thats happened(its long)

Ok this is going to be really long but here it goes. please read.

Before I left for SA i met up with my ex because we need somethingís sorting before i left and also he was having trouble at home. He's parents at the time weren't talking to him at all and his dad wouldn't speak to him and anytime my ex went to talk to him his dad would either walk out or turn up the tv. This was tearing him apart cos well he's so close to him family. Now i wasn't taking pity on him or feeling sorry for him until he burst out cry. Now if you knew my ex you would be in shock, he hasn't cried since his granddad died 10 years ago so i knew things where bad at home. Which wasn't fair he's there son but they where disgusted with what he had done. He was very down over this, also he was told that there where no more medication to fight off his illness his body and become resistant to them(goody you'll understand this and the seriousness of that) so this was also causing stress. So i let him cry on my shoulder (I know i shouldn't have but we all do things we shouldn't do) so that was that and i headed of to south Africa. now hereís where the fun begins.

Got to SA and he txted asking how my flight went (Iím terrified of flying and he knew that). we txted maybe once a day nothing major. then one day the couple i went with where having a big argument and i was in my room on my own feeling soo lonely, so i txted him. The reply i got back was. Can you stop txting me I can't handle it. I should be there with you so i can't have you txting me we'll meet up whenyou get back. I was so upset and angry. so i replied back saying so i can be there for you when you need me and have u cry on my shoulder but the second i need you your no where to be seen thanks alot. so i left it at that and stopped txting.
Then a couple of days later i get a txt saying Iíve just realised that you prob think this is all going to blow over and we'll get back together well Iím just telling you we've finished. Iím with **** now so we're not getting back together. I was like WHAT. he said we're finished does he not remember who ended it(and all this on my hol) so i replied saying how big is your head that you think i'd want to get back with you. if u remember i finished with you. and i mustn't of meant much to you if you can be with someone else(that someone else is the girl he kissed who also has the illness again goody u will see not a good thing) and to get with that s!ut i can't remember what else it said. so that evening i landed at my next destination with a txt from him that tore me to pieces. it went a bit like this. **** is no s!ut she will stand by me when the going get tough. She understands me in a way u never did because she is in the same boat i can't open up to her in a way i never could to you and she won't give out to me when i break plans because i'm sick. I think it would be best if we had no more contact so i guess this is goodbye.
I was in bits over this mgs so i replied back you bast**d. i hate you. you have thrown everything i ever did for you in my face. I meant nothing to you. never ever txt me again i never. goodbye. So he didnít reply. Then two days later I get a really long txt saying how sorry he was and that he was really drunk when he said it and out of his head on painkillers. That he NEVER meant to send it and only realised what he did the next day. I was having none of it. I mean you say what you mean when your drunk. So a few days past and I didnít txt him(go me). We where sitting in pizza hut when my friend say **** is really sick. He had rang home and been told that he wasnít well at all. I immediately went off my food and quite. I didnít need this on my hol. So nothing major happened then for the rest of the hol. My head was a mess and i had soo much I wanted to say to him.
So I got home and the next day my head felt a little clearer. Now I had the house to myself as everyone else where out of the country and I decided right Iíll meet him on my turf and told him to be down at my house. So he arrived. I was so nervous. We talked for 4 hours about a load of things. Mainly how hurt I was at how he had a new gf and that I couldnít be a friend to him or support him while he was sick if he was going to be with that bit**(anyone else but her) and he said he understood that. So we talked and talked and talked and I thought we where getting somewhere. He said that he was going to end it anyway after SA because he wanted to protect me from the future., but what he didnít realise is that he made it ten times worse. The one thing that was getting me through his death was the comfort of knowing I was there with him and holding him hand and basically a comfort thing and now I donít have that. When I told him that he said but why didnít you tell me and I said well its not exactly something you drop into conversation how your gonna cope with your partners death. So that was that. So he was leaving and we where hugging at my door but really tight I was in bits. I couldnít breath at one point because I was crying so much and then it happen we kissed. (yes I know it was stupid but it just happened) when we pulled away I donít think either of us knew quite what happened but it happened another three times before he left. Now please I donít want people telling me Iím stupid and all of that I donít need it. Iím only human and I was weak and it happen but thatís the tip of the ice burg. He then came over later that night cos I was in such a state. and all on my own. And he kissed again and then it started getting heavy (let me remind you he has a new gf) but then it got to a point and I burst into tears and couldnítí go on any further. He was like its ok its ok. So that was that and he left. But hen next morning he came over again to get some stuff and we ended up sleeping together twice. Right now I feel so stupid, but again Iím only human and I was in such an emotional wreck it just happened but I didnít regret it. He also said he didnít regret it and he said he could see it happened again. I canít describe what it felt like when it was all happening. He was saying all this stuff about how he loved me and was so sorry and how he knew he lost the best thing that ever happened to him and he wonít find anyone else like me again who cared for him like I did. blah blah blah. So he left after a few hours and that was tat. We txted over a few days and both said how confused we where and that neither of us ever thought that would happen. So that brings us up to this week(all that happened last weekend). I then found out he was going down to his gf for the entire weekend and I was soooo mad. He had me one weekend and her the next and wanted me again NO WAY. I wasnít be used like that. So I demanded we meet and I tore the head off him saying I felt so used and that what happened obviously hadnít meant much to him and he was like now it was brilliant. He also said that if something was to happen between us again heís end it with her but hat something was sex. So I said how can you but a difference betweens and a kiss that has feelings in it and he said ok I never thought of that. So we where leaving the place where we meet and we went to kiss again but he said no I canít do this. I felt so hurt. He had picked her over me without knowing it. I felt so crushed. So I got home and said to him. I feel so used. We had sex twice with feeling and ur off to ur new gf. I donít wanna know you weíre finished totally so donít txt me again and thatís the last I heard off him. But I have him over a barrel. I have his gf number and well I plan on telling her what her darling bf been getting up to last weekend. Iíll take joy in it and I donít care if I wreck there relationship it serves them both right. Iím gonna hurt him just like he hurt me and you know what it will feel great.

So thatís that. All my news. Again please I donít need people telling me ur so stupid. I know that but I was weak and it just happened and we can only learn by our mistakes. Iíve very very down at the moment the thoughts of him with her for the weekend. I was out tonight and I was getting chatted up and all I could think of was him. Iím thinking of going to see someone cos my heads still a mess. This isnít a normal break-up my ex is dying and I ~CANíT push that aside no matter how much I want to. .

Any input will be great but please not to harsh I really canít take it right now. I promise that I will never be txting or ringing or seeing him again. No way heís hurt me to much..

I think thatís it. If I forget anything Iíll add it in later.
Emma :-(

 
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Old 09-04-2005, 05:55 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,566
Hiya HB User
Re: ok here it all is everything thats happened(its long)

emma - ((hugs))none of your friends here are going to call you stupid or anything like that. We're all human and we all have emotions and needs and sometimes they override logic. It doesn't make you stupid, just human.

I can understand how your heart goes out to this guy, and I'm sorry he's sick and that you're both going through all this. Unfortunately, a fatal illness doesn't automatically make a person fair, kind, respectful, generous or decent. He was wrong to have taken advantage of your feelings like he did. But in the interest of fairness, you did know he was seeing someone else, yes? That's the risk we take when we get our emotions tangled up with someone who has someone else in the picture, even if that person is an ex. We hope that after being with us they will immediately dump the other person and choose us forever, but it doesnt' always work out that way. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing in your shoes, though.

But I think what you need to do now is try to separate your feelings for him, what the two of you had, and his health and all that stuff, and measure it all against the choices he's made. You're not the only one in this relationship. He's made his choices, and you have to do what you can within your control. You can't force him to choose you instead of running back to this other girl, but you can choose not to be with a man who keeps running back to some other girl. I know you care for him, and you want to be there for him as his condition worsens and such, but you also have to keep in mind the choices he's made. I'm not sure if you're emotionally distant enough to be able to be there for him as his platonic friend and not act on your romantic feelings. There's an awful lot on your plate with this, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. But as much as you want to be there for him, you also owe it to yourself to treat yourself well and with respect as well. If being there for him has to include being so hurt and feeling used and whatnot, then you really need to factor that in largely into your decision making regarding whether to end this or keep it going.

 
Old 09-04-2005, 08:19 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,813
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: ok here it all is everything thats happened(its long)

Hi, Emma, sweetie Hiya is right...no one here will call you stupid and I know that you are worried about your ex's illness and how he won't have much longer to live. I also know how you wish to be the one holding his hand when his time comes and perhaps you will find a way that you can still do that without losing your self respect and dignity in the process.

Like Hiya mentioned, in order to do so you are going to have to accept the fact that he is no longer able to be your BF, for sometime now I have felt that he doesn't want to hurt you by dying and not being able to be with you. In fact, for people who are dying it is so very difficult for them to be with someone who is so full of life and a reminder of what they will be missing out on and perhaps that is what he sees with you. Funny how his GF has the same illness.....he doesn't have to feel that way when he is with somebody who has the same fate as him. Whereas with you he has to face the pain of not being able to be healthy or have all the wonderful things a future holds that he will never have. It seems that everytime he treats you badly he has just come from the doctor who told him some more bad news.

You need to accept that he cannot be with you without feeling bad about his life and the shortness of it. You do not deserve to be treated so poorly by him and I know that if you were to tell his GF about everything it would not make you feel any better like you think it would. No...you are too good a person to do that. Instead I think you need to take care of yourself and continue your studies and not allow this to diminish your self worth. You are a wonderful young lady who deserves to be happy. Focusing on yourself right now is so important. Distance yourself from our BF and perhaps in time he will realize how poorly he has treated you and that he does so because of his turmoil and anger towards his prognosis and chronic illness that will eventually take his life. He will realize this one day Emma and see how he has pushed you away because of his inner pain with the entire situation. Give him the space to be able to see this and while you do take care of yourself so that you can feel good again.

I know that this will not be an easy thing to do because of how much you care about him, but it is important that you do. Please know that we are here for you during the times you find it difficult to do so. And know that we have plenty of (((HUGS))) to send your way. ~ Goody

 
Old 09-05-2005, 02:23 PM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 136
emma_j_21 HB User
Re: ok here it all is everything thats happened(its long)

hi,
thanks for your replys.
I wanna start off by saying I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THIS FELLA AGAIN EVER. I had my one moment of weakness and thats that. I hate him so so much for what he's done. Everything i did for him thrown in my face.
I'm going to get on with my life. i've found out that he was telling me some more lies. He's so stupid, we have some of the same friends did he not think it wouldn't get back. Oh men are so silly sometimes.
So i'm starting college next week and i'm gonna get on with being me for a while. I'm gonna take a break from fellas for a while. i don't think it will do me any good to be with someone right now i think it will just mess me up even more. I've seen this fella for what he truley is illness or no illness cos he can't use that as an excuse all his life.
So i'll be back soon to update you all on my brilliant life!!
Thanks for all your support
Emma

 
Old 09-06-2005, 07:21 PM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,080
Piranna65 HB User
Re: ok here it all is everything thats happened(its long)

""""saying so i can be there for you when you need me and have u cry on my shoulder but the second i need you your no where to be seen thanks alot. so i left it at that and stopped txting.""""

Truthfully here emma, I dont think you should be crying on one anothers shoulders at all, reguardless if he hasnt cried for 10years. He should be leaning on someone else, not the womans heart HE broke.

And your trip probably would have been 10x more enjoyable and relaxing if you wernt having to deal with his butt texting you while you were gone. you should have left your phone off the moment you got there. all that did was leave an open door for him to contact you and keep your mind filled with anything and everything to keep you upset! I know it's hard when one breaks up, but you should have ended the convo in SA and enjoyed your trip!

And being drunk is no excuse for him sending you that rude text message. When your drunk you still have a sense of what you are doing! He was being a drunken jerk and he knows it and so do you. Emma i'd serioiusly change your cell phone number. This guy isnt worth your time anymore...hasnt been for a while!

Im not going to say what you did was dumb or anything, but thankfully you know now what kind of person he is and can be. You are better off without him and will have a promising future with someone else in the future.

You know it will take time for the hurt to go away. Especially since it was a long bumpy relationship. goodluck.

 
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