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Old 09-04-2005, 11:31 AM   #1
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shifty72 HB User
Help Please

Hello, my name is Justin, I'm 20 years old and have been dating my 24 year old girlfriend for about a year now. We have moved into an apartment after leaving college residence and have had this place for about 4 months now. My problem is that I love my girlfriend completly but I don't feel the love reciprocated..like I did before. Despite the fact she still tells me she does. She never wants to go out anywhere with me, instead she will go out with her friends but never invite me. On a few occassions she has went out and not come home till the next morning, without telling me where she is. The past two nights she did not come home untill the morning and she has just told me she plans on going out to a "cottage" with a friend from work and will not return until the tommorow morning. I told her I don't want her to go and I want to spend some time with her, she said she will call or come home but I don't think she will. I have been contemplating breaking this thing off and moving out but I don't know if that is the right idea..I love this girl to death I really do. She has told me that she has cheated on her past boyfriends so that thought also lingers in the back of my head that she may be unfaithfull to me. PLEASE help me, I need guidance..I don't know what to do. I don't know what to tell her or how to address my concerns to her in an appropriate manner. I await your response..thanks in advance

Sincerly
Justin R.

 
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Old 09-04-2005, 11:52 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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Daphnee HB User
Re: Help Please

Hi,

I am sorry to hear that she is causing you such pain. I feel like she is young and doing what young people do when they have free time. I do think she is choosing her friends over you and neglecting the relationship that you two built together. She may be doing this unintentionally, but there is no way of knowing unless you ask her.

She may have alot of young single friends and she misses the young, single and free lifestyle. I think you should tell her you feel left out and feel that she would prefer not to be a couple anymore which is proven by her actions. I think you also may be more mature than her and know that there are certain responsibilites that come with a relationship. One of those responsibilites is to nuture the relationship and not be out all night long without you. If the roles were reversed I would not tolerate my partner staying out all night and partying constantly with friends. I would not and could not put up with a party type person, but I am older and I see it from a more mature perspective.

So the only thing you can tell her is that her behavior in this relationship is unexceptable. Tell her you won't put up with her being gone all night long without you. If she continues to disrespect the relationship by doing what she wants, when she wants, without concern for your feelings then it might be time to pack your bags. I hope I helped.

 
Old 09-05-2005, 07:49 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Help Please

Hello, and welcome to the boards. This woman does not love you. If she did, she would not be staying out all night and wanting to be with her "friends" without inviting you. Something is up here, and I believe she may be cheating on you. She cheated on her ex-boyfriend. She has a pattern going on here. The best thing you can do for yourself is to leave the relationship immediately. Get another apartment or ask her to leave.

You deserve someone who can reciprocate your love. Good luck!

 
Old 09-05-2005, 08:21 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 725
LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: Help Please

Hi Justin!
You don't deserve this from her. Greeneyes is right that if she was on the same wavelength as you in regards to the relationship, she would want to be with you more often. She would invite you out with her friends. She would prioritize you the way you deserve.
It seems like you two are just at different points in your lives and you may be wanting something she's just not ready for. Either way it's important for you to let her know that the way she's acting is bothering you. She may think that you are okay with everything, in which case she's in the type of relationship she wants. But you're not okay with it, you want more. It sounds like you may be heading for the end of the relationship, and if that's the case then you've just got to take the hit and focus on getting back on your feet. I know you care for her and love her, but you will get over it. I guarantee it. And you will find someone who can make you happier!

 
Old 09-05-2005, 09:52 AM   #5
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 205
dsleik HB User
Re: Help Please

i think the best thing would be a "break" the fact that she has cheated on ex's shows no respect and guess what, sad to say, she will probably do it again. shes 4 yrs older, that might be a reason too........ i hope shes not lying when she tells you she is out w friends, but any girl who loves you will not leave you home at night wondering where she is. i thiink the fact that she never wants you to go anywhere w her is because she is hiding the fact that she has a bf. and is "single" behind your back... this just isnt right, you need to talk to her and end it. you deserve better and you will. good luck be strong.

 
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