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Old 09-04-2005, 10:59 PM   #1
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confused788 HB User
Question what do you guys think part II

hey guys,its been quite sometime since i wrote in here...

im sure many of you epople remember my ordeal...the ex...if not then i think my posts about it should be on here still..

well heres the update guys.


although i said i would try to stopped. it didn't take much untill i was swept away in his game. we went out and we did stuff. but then he changed his mind..again.

two days ago, i had text him that say "hey. i hope your good". and he text back "u''ve been online all this time and u barely text me now" and i text back "srry. i hope ur having fun.miss ya. love me". i checked my cell like 30 minutes olater and i had recieved a miss call from him. i called back and my guy friend (hes been there for me allt heses months..and like all you have been doing...trying to ge tme away from him). i asked him "did he call me?" and he said "no...this girl saw ur text and got mad and called you". i began to cry and i could here my ex adn that girl, the girl syaing "i feel bad now.". my guy friend said "what did i tell you....are u ok??" and i kept saying yes. and i told him i ahd to go..i got off the phone and cried.
after talking to my clsoe galfriend..i recieved a voicemail (from the missed call earlier). i called AND IT WAS A GIRL..she said "hi. i was looking thourgh my boyfriends cellphone and like i don't want u to text him..blah blah blah" and ic ried more. AND I SAID TO MYSELF "F' this!! i cant do this game anymore!! this game where im confused and ig et hurt"...so i stopped and went to go to sleep. he then called me on private (so i picked up). and once i heard his voice i hung up. he called again so i answered.


he asked "Whats wrong?"
i said "u should know...just stop now...i have to go"
"why who are u going to call?"
"no onee..i just hvae to go now...jsut stop..please stop.."
and he said "its not my fault you left that text. adn i don't have a girlfrined."
and i said "whatever..please just stop" (i was crying alot)
"fine i jsut wanted to call you and say i don't ahvea girlfriend. goodbye"

after that i didn't call him. but he called me the next night on private again. his voice was low and soft. and being me i was concerned. but in the end i just told him i had to go..

after that we didn't talk for a whole day...although he did IM me when i was away. he put "what your too cool now"




then last night happened...



we talked on the phone. it was the wrost 2 hours of my life. he kept saying i was a retard for one thing...and so on. he kept saying i was the worst person because i lied to him. and i told him i lied because i was cared. he continued saying i havent changed and i was immature (although i thought i have ben the mature one...).

i said "it doesn't matter. i've tried for 7 months..and it didn't matter"
and he said im a bi**ch for assuming. so we fought about assumeing and stuff or whatever...
i finalyl asked him "did it matter my trying"
and he said "what do u think. even though at times i really hated you...i still asked you out...i still wanted to do thigns with you".
and i said "so that means..."
and he said "see you are a retard"
and i kept saying i wanted a clear answer..
and he said"if you were really smart then youd know.."
so i said "it did mtatter."
and he said "Duh."..then he said "so what. u stopped trying."
i said "when did i stopped because I KNOW i have been trying"
and he said "u stopped after that call from that girl on ur voicemail."

as the conversation went on. (talking about this stupid guy that he always assumed crap...=| ). we finally were at the point were we wanted all the thigns we kept on the table. i told him that i have told him eveyrthing (which is true..i don';t want to lie to him and i told him eveyrthing he neede to know). although i did say alittle bit about my feelings.

then it was his turn. he said he didn't cheat on me. but while we "broke up" (one of those fights where u break up adn then the next morning ug et back together) he had goten drunk and iwas "huggy" with a girl. that he smoked beihnd my back. that he though my sister was prettier then me after awhile. and THEN he finally said, hes talking to a girl now.


i said. "see...so what your going to get with her?"
"you said you know me"
"i do know you"
"then do u think im going to get with her"
considering the fact i knwo how he is i said "no i don't think u will"
and he said
"well i know me. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT."

in my head im liek what the goodness gracious? is this.

everyhting is a blur after.... he ended up saying he had to go ebcause he had to wake up tomorrow. i said we needed to settle it now. and he said later. and i said now. he said "tomorrow or monday". and i said "now!!"








there u guys go... =| im confused as ever. please help...i have no idea whats going on and know i dea what i should do anymore....

Last edited by confused788; 09-04-2005 at 11:07 PM.

 
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Old 09-05-2005, 12:11 AM   #2
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

walk away.

seriously it's girls like you that give abusive guys the power to go on, who then in turn mess it up for the rest of us decent guys, because we come across the nice girls who are now head cases because of things like this.

move on from him... why stay in this negative cycle?

 
Old 09-05-2005, 01:25 AM   #3
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confused788 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

because i feeel like im in a bubble. nothing works. i feel like im the one that caused this.


but i am trying. im trying.

 
Old 09-05-2005, 06:58 AM   #4
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p1111 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

hey confused. well, i looked into your other posts on this topic briefly & without getting through too many pages of it, i feel i have to say get the hell away from this guy! he is way too controling & the way he speaks to you is completely unacceptable!

i was in a 6 & 1/2 year relationship with someone with a similar personality. he was so mean to me when we fought & we seemed to fight all the time. he was super controlling...always had to know where i was & with who, but funny...he was very secretive about what he was up to. well, i was miserable but i thought it was "love" and i kept telling myself - we've been together so long. if i break up with him its like the last however many years of my life with him were a waste. maybe he'll change! HA! you can see i was terribly stupid!

what finally got me to open my eyes was when he started talking about getting married. i started to think - hey wait a sec! do i really want to spend the rest of my life with him ??? do i want to have kids with this guy??? i thought about the future & us having young kids & fighting...him calling me some of those names. i wouldnt want to do that to my children. i wouldnt want to spend the rest of my life with someone that i was pretty much guaranteed at least 1 or 2 fights a day. thats not love! to voluntarily stay would be self destruction! i finally realized that what i want is to wake up next to someone every day & just smile. i didnt have that with him. guys dont change because you want them to. if hes treating you badly & being verbally abusive now, chances are its just going to get worse. some of the things my ex said to me i still hear each day in my head. it stays with you & its very damaging. its not something that is easily erased from your memory. lucky for me i found a man who without knowing it is slowly reversing the damage my ex caused. i dont think that 1 day goes by where my new bf doesnt tell me how much he loves me, or how beautiful he thinks i am, or how happy i make him, or how lucky he feels to have me. this is what you need & its out there! if you give this guy any more time (and he clearly doesnt deserve it!) you're gonna get stuck in the cycle. dont you want to be happy? dont you want to be less stressed? dont you want to find someone who you can picture yourself being happy with in 50 years? a relationship isnt about telling someone that shes a retard, or a b*tch, or that her sister is prettier, etc. you dont need this. this abuse will get worse...believe me. i hope that something i've said here can persuade you to at least think about getting rid of this guy. you deserve so much more...go find your prince! this loser clearly isnt the one! good luck to you...

 
Old 09-05-2005, 07:05 AM   #5
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p1111 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

oh & something i left out...he was always telling me that i was the one who had to change. that he wasnt the problem. i see that this guy is saying the same thing to you. there is nothing that you have to change & please dont let him make you feel bad for "not trying". this guy is abusive & controlling & he wants you to feel bad. dont give him the satisaction! you didnt cause this!

and this guy friend of yours who is telling you not to bother with him anymore....i would take his advice. he is hanging out with him & seeing 1st hand how he is disrespecting you. that whole thing with the girl calling your phone should have never happened! its not often that a guy will tell a girl that his friend is not worth it. i would listen to him. he knows his friend is a scum bag.

 
Old 09-05-2005, 08:32 AM   #6
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused788
i have no idea whats going on and know idea what i should do anymore....
When there's nothing left to give - it's time to stop giving.

 
Old 09-06-2005, 04:36 PM   #7
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confused788 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

hey guys..thanks for all your support and advice it is helping me..slowly...

he called again.

yesterday he called and asked for my homeroom. so ig ave it to him. (im only a senior in highschool..young i know). i gave it to him. and he said he ahd to go..so i said ok bye. Then 2 mintues later he called back and complained about how i saw i miss him and yet i don't even try to talk to him.

Then it started...

i told jhim he deosn't know anything. i don't call him ebcause im scared to ehar one of those stupid voicemails again if hes with a girl..and also because it hruts me and hes already talking to some girl who he supossedly isn't going to get wiht anyways.

then he talked for an hour about everyhting he did this weekened...to the alst detail.

after awhile we started fighting again...

he said he didn't beleive me. and said i on't care and im faking it. but i kept saying i did. then we talked about our past...and out old fights (they never seem to die). he said its all my fault..and blah blah blah...then he said im not trying ebcause i don't show it in front of my friends (Which i do..but yet he deosn't count it). and that all i ahd to do was truly show him in fron of my friends and then maybe wed be ok right now. and we fought adn fought and i could never tell him anything isdie my heart...and i felt more like eveyrhting is my fault.. =(

iono..then he said he ahd to go but i said not to..i wanted tot ell him how if elt. but he rushed me ofof the phone, and said if i called back he wouldn't talk to me anymore. and we have later to talk about it...

so i didn't call back.

then today was the frist day of school. he ended up sitting next to me in my 3rd period. and we tlaked a little..he wanted to see my schedule. and when i took out a note fmro my teacher hed go "oh whos that fomr ur boyfriend?" and then hed turn to my friend and say "oh did u hear cynthia has a new boyfriend.." and then id go "nooo...u know i dont..don't make me start on you".
he played as if nothing happened yesterday....

then aftershcool i wanted to make sure he regitstered for this test. so i called him (too look out so hes safe..), and he asked idf i jsut got ome. and i said yes. and he said "where did u go?" i said to my friends house and i had gotten a ride frm my other firneds boyfriend. then he said "who else was there?" and i said "just me and my 3 other friends that were igrls and my friends boyfriend." and then he said "fine whatever." and he hung up...


he=\ what am i suppsoe to do? am i suppsoe to show him i care and try my best during school? should is till try...but hes tlaking to someone...what does he want???
iono...im stupid

 
Old 09-06-2005, 05:12 PM   #8
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Re: what do you guys think part II

Confused ~ You are the same age as my daughter and my advice to you would be the same as I would give to her. This guy has absolutely no respect for you and is very controlling and just somebody who is going to bring you down in life. You deserve so much better and if you are going to continue associating with him then you do not have a very good self image to begin with.

I recommend that you concentrate on YOU and doing well in school. A guy does not make you anymore important.....so you don't need this guy or any guy to make you feel intelligent, in fact the smart thing for you to do would to stay as far away from him or anyone like him!!!

Join a new club and hang around your girlfriends. How are your grades in school?? Do you have any plans to go to college?? What are your interests???? Do you play sports or have any extracurricular activities??? If not, I strongly advise you to find something to do in school that will make you feel good about yourself. You need to do things to make you feel better about yourself and the first thing is for you to dump this guy. PLEASE.....this guy does nothing to make you feel special and it is up to you to take care of yourself and make sure that you have a happy future and most of all that you feel good about yourself.

YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!! And you shouldn't be hanging out with anyone who continuously makes you feel that way. BE SMART....get rid of him ~Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-06-2005 at 05:40 PM.

 
Old 09-06-2005, 05:41 PM   #9
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

Stupid? You are NOT stupid.
You are smart enough to sense that this guy is running you around the block a time or two - and you are smart enough to come here so that we can verify for you that you are worth SO MUCH MORE than this type of treatment.

If you have time to spend after homework, spend it here! Help other girls who are with guys like this one who made you feel so bad. Goody is right, you need to do things that make you feel good about yourself without having to have some guy come along and make you feel so bad.

You are a gentle soul - I know that there is a special purpose for you in life - and I think your job right now is to live your life - not his.

Don't ever hesitate to come here for moral support & strength. Some things you have to stay away from one day at a time - I think this guy is one of them.
Hugs,
Ruth

 
Old 09-06-2005, 06:17 PM   #10
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p1111 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

goody & ruth are so right! you should really think a lot about what they have posted.

this guy is way too controlling & you seem like a very caring person who just doesnt want to hurt him. and you want to help him. i honestly think that the only way you can help him is to get rid of him. by staying with him & putting up with his nonsense, you are only enabling him. he will never change! why should he if he knows you'll keep coming back? i think the only chance this guy has of changing is if you stay away from him. no phone calls, no sitting near him in class. its hard but i think it had to be done. he needs to get out there & see that other girls arent as willing to put up with his games. you sound so sweet & i know you want to help him change & i know you care about him, but you deserve so much better! it breaks my heart to see what he is doing to you...and i dont even know you. it just sounds so familiar. that boyfriend that i was with all those years that i posted about...i started dating him my senior year of highschool. when i look back & see how much time i wasted hoping that he would change, it makes me sick. i missed out on so much. my college years sucked. i wasnt allowed to go to parties, though he went to them all the time...without me. he got mad when i went out with my friends. he was so jealous. and i see this in your guy. if you take one thing from my post please let it be this - you have some of the best years of your life ahead of you. dont let him ruin them for you! do what is best for you...be selfish if thats what it sounds like. this is your time...dont let some stupid guy take that away from you! the longer you stay with him, the harder it is to get away. look how long it took me! this boy does not deserve you!!!

 
Old 09-07-2005, 12:03 PM   #11
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Hiya HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused788
he=\ what am i suppsoe to do?
Face the fact that he doesn't love you, doesn't care about you, and dump him. He will NEVER make you anything but miserable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused788
am i suppsoe to show him i care and try my best during school?
No. You've already done everything you can to please this guy and I keep telling you that he doesn't want to be pleased. Nothing you will ever do will ever make him happy and in love with you, because he doesn't want to be happy with you. Please tell me how many more times I will have to say this before you understand and I will say it that many times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused788
should is till try...but hes tlaking to someone...what does he want???
He wants to make you miserable. He wants to chip away at your self esteem and he wants to convince you you're ugly, stupid, worthless and don't deserve to be treated any better. He wants you to stay in a constant state of fear and confusion, he wants you miserable. He enjoys making you unhappy and he thinks it's fun to make you cry. Please answer me one thing: why should he treat you any better when he's already getting everything he wants from you? He wants exactly what he is getting from you right now. Tears, fear, misery, and low self esteem. That's what he wants from you. It makes him feel better to make you feel like crap. If he wasn't getting what he wanted from you, he would move on and leave you alone. He's sick, and you're allowing him to make you sick.

 
Old 09-07-2005, 03:30 PM   #12
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

Ok, Ms. 788...
Here is your homework.
Read Hiya's letter every morning and every evening for two weeks!!!
(Great post Hiya...)

 
Old 09-07-2005, 06:12 PM   #13
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confused788 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

thanks guys.

i gave it to him again, he called and wanted it and i thoght we could reason. so we made love i guess and i slept at his house. we talked and fought adn yelled nad was quiet. he kept confusing me and..im a total lost anymore....

 
Old 09-07-2005, 06:42 PM   #14
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Hiya HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused788
thanks guys.

i gave it to him again, he called and wanted it and i thoght we could reason. so we made love i guess and i slept at his house. we talked and fought adn yelled nad was quiet. he kept confusing me and..im a total lost anymore....
Confused...I think you may have told us in your other posts but I'm not sure...may I ask how old you are? I seem to remember you saying you're still in school, that's high school, yes? Or am i wrong? can you tell us what your living situation is, what your family situation is? Where are your parents? Do they know about your situation with this boy, and what do they have to say about it? Do you mind letting us know some of these particulars?

 
Old 09-07-2005, 07:16 PM   #15
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confused788 HB User
Re: what do you guys think part II

im 17. im a senior in highschool =\. i live wiht my dad,mom, brother, sister, her husband and thier baby. my parents are at work but at home at night. my mom knows about ryann but not about the whol intercourse part. she ahs heard how he talks to me and doens't like me. she really wants me to stop but she knows its hrard for me (he is my friendt, and i constatnly feel the need to be withhim and help him out and shouw him i care".

 
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