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Old 09-05-2005, 07:06 AM   #1
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tillwemeetagain HB User
Question What makes a relationship work?

For those of you who are in a relationship as well as those who are seeking to be in a relationship, what do you think makes a relationship successfull?

Do you agree that a couple must be the opposite of each other in order to have spice and variety in a relationship? Or does a couple with the same traits work better?

For instance,do you think two quiet people makes a good relationship together or is bound to fail due to boredom? I would like to hear from all of you, especially those who are in that same situation I just enumerated above. An honest and direct answer is appreciated.

Thankful,
TWMA

 
Old 09-05-2005, 07:17 AM   #2
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: What makes a relationship work?

Hey there!
I feel that people with a lot in common tend to have a more successful relationship because they both have the same idea of a good relationship. Someone who is quiet and introverted would do better with someone similar, rather than someone who is a party animal. The couple needs to share the same ideas of a good time, in order for both people to HAVE a good time.
Then again, there are always couples who can make it work when they have a lot of differences.
My boyfriend and I have the important things in common: Our goals in life, activities we enjoy, etc... therefore we are always happy spending all our time together. I love to cook for him and he loves to have someone cook for him. We compliment each other. However, our taste in music is different. And we can have a good debate with each other over current events or the educational system, or whatever. That keeps things interesting. But I don't think it would be the same if I was the type who went out to bars every weekend and he stayed home. We wouldn't spend much time together that way.
As far as other things that make a relationship work, honesty is key. Being able to talk to each other with no reservations, and being able to work through a disagreement. It just seems to come naturally when you find the right person, and you have the overwhelming feeling that there's really nothing either of you could do to ruin the relationship. So you lay back, be yourself, remember to always show love and compassion, don't forget the little things, and enjoy every minute!

 
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Old 09-05-2005, 07:18 AM   #3
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: What makes a relationship work?

You have posted the million dollar question.

I believe it is mutual respect and personal growth that makes a relationship work. So long as you are with somebody who respects your ideas, values, gifts & talents and allows you the freedom to express them and continue to be a whole person then you have something valuable that will allow the relationship to grow as well. Some people would say that two quiet people may not make for a successful relationship but so long as the both compliment one another I see no reason why it shouldn't work out.

It's when we seek something in someone else that we don't have but would like to have that I see problems arising. Often people in relationships expect that other person to be their entire source of happiness and that ends up being a big mistake in the sense of losing one's self at the expense of the other losing themselves as well. It's when two people are able to totally be themselves and bring out the best in the other and be supportive of that that most relationships succeed. Any time we can be our best with another person is when we have something that truly works.

Great subject for a thread.....I am sure that many here will have thoughts to share on this. ~ Goody

 
Old 09-05-2005, 07:39 AM   #4
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laurie864bla HB User
Re: What makes a relationship work?

A mutual attraction, like core values, like morals, mutual respect, mutual trust, and an ability to handle conflicts effectively on both sides is ESSENTIAL, and I feel the most important. Remember, I was married for 10 yrs--it's crucial! I believe how you both handle conflict will be the single largest predictor of whether or not your relationship flouishes or takes a nose dive. OOPs!! Forgot the most important thing of all--meeting each other's needs--or trying your level best--every single day, as a real part of true effort and work on the relationship.

Similar interests mean little if you have the above, in my humble opinion.

Last edited by laurie864bla; 09-05-2005 at 07:41 AM. Reason: forgot something very important

 
Old 09-05-2005, 07:50 AM   #5
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SophiaM HB User
Re: What makes a relationship work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurie864bla
A mutual attraction, like core values, like morals, mutual respect, mutual trust, and an ability to handle conflicts effectively on both sides is ESSENTIAL, and I feel the most important. Remember, I was married for 10 yrs--it's crucial! I believe how you both handle conflict will be the single largest predictor of whether or not your relationship flouishes or takes a nose dive. OOPs!! Forgot the most important thing of all--meeting each other's needs--or trying your level best--every single day, as a real part of true effort and work on the relationship.

Similar interests mean little if you have the above, in my humble opinion.
I think Laurie summed it up really nicely. The same interests are of minor importance in comparison to the values, goals, respect, ability to handle conflict, and commitment. Once those are aligned, I think a relationship b/w an introver and an extrovert has equal chances of working out as a relationship b/w two introverts or two extroverts, etc. Some differences are good, though, because they make things interesting, as long as it's something that you admire in your partner. Also, from reading numerous posts on this board, similar sex drives are extremely important. Otherwise, one person will always feel nagged into sex, and the other will feel rejected and miserable. A sense of humor is another thing that is very helpful for a relationship to succeed.

 
Old 09-05-2005, 08:23 AM   #6
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: What makes a relationship work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tillwemeetagain
Do you agree that a couple must be the opposite of each other in order to have spice and variety in a relationship? Or does a couple with the same traits work better?
For instance,do you think two quiet people makes a good relationship together or is bound to fail due to boredom?
I think questions like these - there is no correct answer. It depends on the person, it could go either way.
I, personally, prefer guys that are opposite of me. Because I'm at one end of the scale, I like guys at the other end, I feel they tend to balance me out.
But for people who are not at any extreme end, they could easily work out with someone similar, as they are already balanced.
So, I am the quiet, too serious one and I like very outgoing, laid back guys.
They tend to loosen me up easier, and bring me out of myself.

But that's simply not true for everyone. Some quiet people can be more than content with another quiet person. I don't believe issues like these are the true predictor of a relationship working.
I agree with the others that what is important is RESPECT for each other, respecting the other person for being the individual they are.
But I think the most important piece of any relationship is COMMUNICATION. (Which you would think that should go without saying.)

 
Old 09-05-2005, 08:41 AM   #7
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dsleik HB User
Re: What makes a relationship work?

thats a good question you brought up but i think it depends on the people in the relationship and age. i think relationships are more successful if the people have common goals, interests, beliefs, etc. ( as from experience... my ex bf and i were toegther 5 yrs and had all the same goals, morals, etc, but we had different interests in things and it lead to arguements. some say opposites attract, and when i think this is the situation, i think that its because their different ways of life complement eachother's personalities.

as for a successful relationship....i think the number one thing needed is trust and fidelity from both partners. jealousy is a huge turn off and sexual attraction is a must. i feel like my boyfriend is my love, yet my best friend and in that case, i can tell him anything and everything bothering me, i think being close to his family is a big "plus" too as well as being friends w his friends and definately dont be shy, but make sure youre both willing to compromise and do different things you both like to do. theres a ton of them out there......... i guess it just depends on the types of people it is. i think two quiet people will go absolutely no where in the future. what would you talk about if youre both scared to open up?? maybe if one is outgoing and the other a shy person, then the outgoing one could bring out the best in the shy person. i dont know....... depends on the situation.

 
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