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Old 09-07-2005, 11:57 AM   #1
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Ratatosk HB UserRatatosk HB User
Annoying Neighbor

DH and I have a retired neighbor used to stop by every week or so for a beer and to visit. But in more recent years he stops by more frequently and over stays his welcome. DH and I have argued 'cuz we now have a small child and I figure if I'm busy feeding DS or getting him ready for bed... I'll just ignore the door. DH feels that's rude and we should answer the door.

Well last night the annoying neighbor showed up again during DS's meal time for the SECOND time this week and parked himself in our living room. This is the straw that broke the camel's back! I'm so annoyed!!! DS is going thru a picky toddler eating phase and was throwing a fit. Finally finished feeding him and I realized I needed to go to the store. So I asked DH if he wanted me to leave DS with him or take him to the store with me. Went to load DS in the car and he started throwing a tantrum. DH came out to my car (meanwhile neighbor still sat in our living room), DS started yelling, got some snot caught in his throat and puked all over my car, himself, carseat...

I drag DS into the house, take him into the bathroom, run him a bath. Get him cleaned up, wrapped up in a towel -- DH is cleaning out my car. Neighbor is STILL parked in my living room. Where he remained for the next to hours complaining about the city, the weather...

So when he finally left I was upset with him, upset with DH, the whole situation. This person just doesn't have a clue and I told DH that I am no longer answering the door to him. I just don't care. DH confessed that he just didn't know what to do about the neighbor anymore either.

We had to get caller i.d. 'cuz otherwise the neighbor called and wouldn't get off the phone. We can't have our garage door open or if we don't answer the door, he wanders into the garage and into our backyard to see if we're there -- we used to have a hot tub.

Sorry this is so long. We're just at a loss as to how to deal with this anymore. I say ignore him, don't answer the door. I don't believe he'd get it if we told him to leave. In fact I KNOW he won't 'cuz I've answered the door and said we're just sitting down to dinner and he comes in anyway -- says he doesn't mind if we're eating, have guests....

 
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Old 09-07-2005, 12:34 PM   #2
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dsleik HB User
Re: Annoying Neighbor

tough situation cuz i know you dont want to be rude but cant take it anymore!! do you trust this guy? is he married or did his wife die, etc...? he sounds like he has nothing to do and no family around or no one to talk to and feels he can get close to you guys. is he mooching in any way as far as borrowing anything? or nosy? i think he just wants company but you have every right to tell him youre busy, eating, etc. and im sure if he is a good guy, he will back away. sad thing is if you feel sorry for this guy, you wont want to hurt his feelings but i hope he can get the point that he is visiting "too much" as far as answering the door..... if he knows youre home, i would just do it and tell him you dont have time to visit, etc instead of ignoring him. be honest. im sure he thinks you guys are good friends, so hopefull he understands that he can give you some space. good luck

 
Old 09-07-2005, 01:19 PM   #3
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Re: Annoying Neighbor

The guy is retired and legally blind. He's been divorced for 15+ years. We trust him. He gets around fine -- walks or takes the bus all over town. He's just a lonely, bored person. He hasn't seemed to get the hint. We've said we're sitting down for dinner or we have guests and he just walks right on in.

I don't mind people dropping in for a visit, but he just stays too long and drops by now at the rate of about every other day. Once this summer we took him to burgers at the VFW for lunch and he showed up on our doorstep a couple hours later. Think we're just going to have to be blunt. I hate hurting people's feelings, but I'm getting too stressed out and fighting about it with DH.

 
Old 09-07-2005, 02:18 PM   #4
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Hangin in There HB User
Re: Annoying Neighbor

I don't like people popping in on me so I also would find that annoying. That would have upset me too if someone continued to sit there while my child was carrying on. Your husband could have taken his arm and guided him up and said, "Well, George, we have problems here so you better be going."

Does he do this to other neighbors or has he just taken a liking to you? I don't think it's rude to not answer the door when he knocks. That's rude of him to walk in your house. You're under no obligation to stop everything and have your family time disrupted just because someone shows up at your doorstep.

If it's warm weather and your door is open and he can see you (or maybe he can't see you; I forgot he's blind) and you feel as if you have to respond, I would have a latch hook on the outside door so he can't just walk in. Tell him, "Sorry, George. This isn't a good time. Have a nice day." If he persists, repeat "I'm sorry, we can't visit now." Let him hear you close the inside door (you can open it again after he's gone).

Good luck.

 
Old 09-07-2005, 04:02 PM   #5
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rainy_daze HB User
Re: Annoying Neighbor

This man sounds very lonely. Do you know if he has any family nearby? Maybe you could discuss the issue with a family member.

You could try telling him that things have are too hectic for company right now that it's probably best if you visit him rather than the other way around. Maybe you could set up dates to hang out and chat. You could try introducing him to want ads or church groups where he could meet people his own age. If he has the oppurtunity to make friends he might not feel the need to hang around you all the time.

This might also be a social service issue. The fact that he's walking into your house uninvited might be a red flag about his mental health. You might have to keep all your doors locked for awhile until this thing blows over. It's an inconvenience, but it looks like you have to do it.

 
Old 09-08-2005, 06:20 AM   #6
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Re: Annoying Neighbor

His family doesn't live in town. His daughter comes to visit every couple of months or so and his son usually around the holidays. He is very lonely. He can see to a certain extent, his condition caused him to retire early. He keeps busy during the day by gardening, taking the bus to the store and to the bars. Our lives have changed with a child. I don't drink anymore and weekends are our catch up times -- DH and I both work full time and about the time he shows up is about the time we'd like to get some chores done or get DS down for the night so we can unwind.

I don't believe he's dangerous. Just lonely and wants to talk after being alone all day long. And we don't mind people stopping by to visit. But two hours plus of rambling conversation, complaining about the city... Just gets to be way too much.

 
Old 09-08-2005, 07:01 AM   #7
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Daphnee HB User
Re: Annoying Neighbor

Ratatosk,

You will always have some type of annoance in life be it people, things, or ideas. The one thing you can to do for this man (no matter how annoying) is to show him some compassion and understanding even when every fiber in your being feels you can't take anymore intrusions on your privacy. I can understand that your space and time is being invaded by this man but here is something to think about....perhaps if you gave your undivided attention to him he will be less likely to try to force it out of you.

So try using some reverse psychology in this situation and also put yourself in his shoes. You might be lonely and in need of some company someday and wouldn't want to be avoided at all costs. Give him some of your time and you never know he could turn into a great mentor instead of a great annoyance!

 
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