Hey I've never done the whole online thing before and just started emailing someone and after the first couple when you are asking the starter questiong I'm kinda lost at to what to say... Anyone else have this problem and have any advice...
Most of the online experts suggest that if, after initial emails have been sent and you like what you are reading, you suggest trading phone numbers and talking in person with the goal of eventually meeting. After all, that is the ultimate end you are looking for.
Yeah, I agree with Evy. You can only tell so much about a person from emailing, so after you have emailed back and forth for awhile, it's a good move to talk on the phone and hopefully soon set up a meeting in person. That's the only way you can reliably evaluate whether there is any chemistry between you and her...and Scotty, please don't get discouraged if you have some negative experiences with girls who flake out or disappear on you. It's nothing personal and not any sort of rejection that reflects on you as an individual, just that attractive girls who date online get tons and tons of emails and it can get hard to keep up with all of them. Also, sometimes people will meet one person they want to date exclusively, their memberships will expire along with their access to email, etc...there are a lot of reasons why someone could disappear after you've chatted for awhile, but don't let this get you down or sour you on the whole online dating thing. After all, you wouldn't give up on dating in real life just because a few girls lost interest or flaked out on you, would you? With online dating it's even tougher to have good results with everyone because some people don't take it seriously, some don't remove their profiles even though they aren't actively seeking dates anymore, some aren't paying members who can communicate with other people on the site...but from everything I've seen, you are a really sweet guy with a ton of great qualities, and I definitely expect that you'll find lots of girls who appreciate that. It just takes time and patience, along with a thick skin, a resolve not to get discouraged or give up too easily, and persistence when it comes to looking for new potential matches all the time and keeping an open mind about girls who might be great for you but aren't necessarily what you typically look for. I get so much mail from guys who aren't even remotely my type who clearly didn't bother to read my profile or look past my picture before writing, and it's sad to think of all the great girls out there who aren't as conventionally appealing looking who might not get noticed by guys who only go by physical appearances. If you're willing to be open to a lot of different girls, not just the few who get all the email and probably turn a lot of guys off to online dating at first because they only reply to a few, you'll be able to meet a wide variety of women, one of whom will hopefully be just right for you. The most important thing is to keep a positive attitude and not let any one experience affect your outlook too much...a lot of people expect too much too soon and get discouraged when they don't have success on their first few tries. But keep in mind that there are a million reasons why someone might not keep in touch, especially if you limit your inquiries to only the most attractive female profiles...I've found that when people approach online dating with a negative or skeptical attitude, they soon find experiences to confirm their expectations, but that the same is true of those with positive expectations. I am sure you will do well, considering everything you have to offer! Good luck and please keep us posted!
PS-Oh, and whenever you are at a loss of what to say, ask her questions about herself. Everyone likes to feel that a potential date is interested in them and enjoys talking about themselves, so it's always best to err on the side of talking about her rather than talking about yourself too much if you get nervous and aren't sure what to say. Whenever I get a message from a guy that is all about him, I assume he sent the same thing to a ton of other girls and just delete it. I only pay attention to the emails that mention or ask about something specific to my profile, because then I know it's not a form letter and he actually took the time to read about me rather than just looking at my pictures. Anyway, you can never go wrong showing interest in her and asking her about herself and the things she's involved with...hopefully she will ask you questions in return and then you can both get to know more about each other. It's much better that way than when each person just talks about themself!
Well thanks for the response... I actually just emailed her back turns out I did have things to say once I thought about it... I think your right about her getting lots of emails she has hidden her profile a couple of times.. (went back to reread it) I'm not discouraged at all btw... Like I said I'm new to this and just didn't really know what to say... Oh and she emailed me first is why I thought it was odd that she didn't respond to my email.. BTW thanks for the compliment....
the online dating route is fraught with pitfalls... but it can also be good
i met the girl i'm seeing through it... first thing we did was trade *** details... then chatted in real time
(actually what happened was she'd given me her *** details, i added her but it was ages before she came online) i got a message saying "who is this" at which time i was seriously annoyed with girls, so i said who i was and didn't even try the sweet talk. just said hi and took it from there (reading back i was a little abrasive even, it was a bad time) but because we chatted and it was quite apparent i wasn't after "one thing" probably due to me being open, honest, and didn't sugar coat a thing... so we met and the rest is history... and phone calls. it was quite funny, i'd sent off 1000 emails to different girls being sweet and nice and saying those tacky things we all say, and the one time i'm p!ssed off and am myself completely, she wants to call ME. she wants me to MEET her. she was actually nervous that i didn't like her for a change... which i did, as we chatted we became good friends. then i got that little crush... bonus was that she was one of the HOT profiles i thought i wouldn't hear back from but tried for a giggle.
girls on there are used to the smooth moves, the "what's your favorite" blah blah blah type thing. they get it all the time... be yourself, don't agree with everything she says, and see how it goes.
Mada ~ You bring up a GREAT point when it comes to dating, particularly online. For the most part many of the people who go the online route really are tired of the superficial, let's be impressive, fake, gameplaying that goes with the whole dating scene. I think most people putting themselves out there in that sort of way are more in the frame of mind of..."This is who I am" and "This is what I want" mindset. It's more like....let's cut to the chase and I think that you get more serious daters (except in the initmate sections where that's a whole different thing)
Anyway....what you share offers a great incentve for Scotty and others that are now finding themselves in the online dating scene. Glad things worked out well for you ~ Goody
PS ~ Keep emailing, Scotty.....and hope you find somebody special out there too!!
Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-08-2005 at 06:02 AM.
We to tell you the truth I'm not really that into it.... Never know things may change but I really would much prefer to meet someone face to face... It has nothing to do with being discouraged or anything like that I just don't like the whole concept...