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Old 09-07-2005, 11:46 PM   #1
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wmkcolors HB Userwmkcolors HB User
liking my girlfriends OLD boyfriend

I've been attracted to my girlfriend's old boyfriend, who she dated over 25 years ago, when he was only 22. He is now in his late 40s. She is 14 years older than me and he is 8 years older. They dated for less than a year, but, he's recently divorced and I think she harbors some hope he will call her. He did about 3 years ago, shortly after his divorce, and saw her twice but then never called her back. Since then, I've become increasingly attracted to him, because I occasionally see him in a work environment. He doesn't know I know her, nor do I ever talk about him with her. It's too awkward. I don't want to be triangulated. I sense "something" between him and me, but who's to say if anything will happen. I've been feeling very guilty, like I'm betraying my girlfriend's trust, yet, this man and her have not dated for almost 25 years and never see each other. I think it's pointless to bring it up with her, unless something actually happened. Am I doing anything wrong? Is it really her business? I don't want to feel like a teenager, who feels like she has to confess. Ugh!!!

Last edited by wmkcolors; 09-07-2005 at 11:47 PM.

 
Old 09-08-2005, 07:52 AM   #2
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Re: liking my girlfriends OLD boyfriend

You know what? I'd be conflicted too if was in your shoes.
I guess that age doesn't matter where affairs of the heart are involved though.
If you really think that things are headed in the romantic direction I would suggest that you may need to decide ahead of time what the friendship is worth vs a relationship with this man.
She may be unable to maturely come to terms with this.
I would NOT bring it up until he actually asks you out (or you ask him out) at which time I WOULD bring up the friendship you have with his long ago ex.
And if he has no problem still wanting to go out with you, THAT is the time to bring it up with her if you are willing to risk that she can't handle being friends with someone she carries a torch for.

Sorry about all the long long sentences - hope they made sense.
If this relationship was a year or five in the past I'd probably tell you that a good friend is harder to find than a "maybe" relationship - but this was a long time ago!
Her feelings may still keep him more in the present - and that is where you would take the risk of losing her friendship now...

 
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Old 09-08-2005, 12:58 PM   #3
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cinting HB User
Re: liking my girlfriends OLD boyfriend

I have always believed there is an unwritten rule - you don't date your friends or your sisters exes. Ever. If you are having these feelings, maybe you already know in your heart that it is wrong.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 08:01 PM   #4
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koala cute HB User
Re: liking my girlfriends OLD boyfriend

I think it really is about how close a girlfriend she is. Is she an acquaintance or a very good friend you see very often. If it is the latter, then you should be able to talk to her about this man. I am with a man who dated my very very good friend about 9 years ago. She was very much in love with him but it just didn't work out. They both continued to see each other as friends and to this day we all socialise together. He never would have dated me, I would never have dated him, if it hadn't been ok with my girlfriend. He wanted to ask me out many years ago, but at that time it wouldn't have been ok with her. Now it is. The bottom line was her friendship was never worth risking for the sake of a maybe relationship.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 08:33 PM   #5
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ibeeshell HB User
Re: liking my girlfriends OLD boyfriend

25 years is a long time! If he asks you out, go. He's obviously not interested in her.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 08:44 PM   #6
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evy38 HB User
Re: liking my girlfriends OLD boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by cinting
I have always believed there is an unwritten rule - you don't date your friends or your sisters exes. Ever. If you are having these feelings, maybe you already know in your heart that it is wrong.
D@#n straight Cinting! It's a good rule too. I also believe it's a betrayal, especially if you suspect your friend still has feeling for this guy. I would ask myself which relationship is more important to you.

 
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