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Old 09-08-2005, 08:55 AM   #1
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sandra2005 HB User
Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

Hi everyone, i am so confused about my ''so called relationship'' with my boyfirend, i have been seeing him two years and at the monent, well for the last few weeks i have been getting the feeling that i dont love him anymore, of course i care about him but and he tells me he loves me alot and i tellh im but then later on i wonder why i even said i ''i love you'' because im not sure if i mean it anymore...

Im not 100% sure if the problem is to do with the fact that i cant see him very often or spend much time with him, this will soon b different though and in about 6 weeks time we will be together all the time again, i am unsure if i am feeling this way becuase we have cant have a proper relarionship for the tim being and i am maybe just completley fed up with it and using my ''unsure-ness about my love if him'' as a feeble excuse or if i do feel this way.i have considered ending our relationship now but i am afraid that when i am able to see more of him and we can have a proper relationship again that i will totoally regert it and want him abck and unfortunalty that is unfair way to treat people like that so i dont really want to do that but on the other hand it is not fair to keep up the relatipnship as it is becuase i am telling him i love all the time when he says it too me and if the next time he says it and i dont reply he will wonder whats up with me..........so as you can see i am totally confused..i would really appriciate any insight or advise anyone may have on this ...thanks for listenin i really appriciate it

 
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Old 09-08-2005, 09:03 AM   #2
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

Hi Sandra!
Breaking up with someone is much harder than most people think. I can completely understand your situation. And I have to admire you for your concern for how your actions are unfair to him. That's true. If you don't want to be with him now, it's entirely unfair to hide this fact and stay with him with the hopes that your mind will change. At least bring this up to him. Talk to him about it. Explain to him that you're feeling like your heart is not in the relationship the way it used to be, and that you're thinking it might have something to do with not being able to see him much. Tell him you are not sure you're entirely ready to give up on the relationship because you still have hope that things will change, but that for the time being this is how you are feeling. Talk things through and see if you can come to a mutual decision about giving the relationship another chance or ending it. It's an incredibly difficult conversation to have, but a very mature and rewarding one... not to mention necessary. It shows him you're genuine, honest, and you care about his feelings.
As for saying "I love you", try to initiate this conversation before that comes up ( if that's possible). I agree that it would be awkward if you just stopped saying it all of a sudden.
You'll be amazed at how much you can accomplish by being honest and talking it through. You don't have to be alone in this problem- it's your relationship and you're a team. Involve him and see how he feels. It's the most fair thing you can do for the both of you.

 
Old 09-08-2005, 10:33 AM   #3
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dsleik HB User
Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

if you think its because youre not w eachother all the time, i would wait the 6 wks til you are then , and then see if you get back to "loving him" like you should. i think before you get too confused you should tell him your concerns and dont say you love him if you dont mean it. im pretty sure its because youre used to being w him and cant stand the temporary seperation...and some people cant, but 6 wks is nothing. definately talk to him about this but i wouldnt give up just yet, unless of course you are finding another reason why you are falling apart. good luck

 
Old 09-08-2005, 12:22 PM   #4
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

I agree with Rose on this one. There is a reason you are having second thoughts. Although some of the initial excitment of a new romance wears off after the first six months, you should still have recurring passionate, romantic feelings for your boyfriend.

It sounds like you may have lost those feelings. If you are not sure, try setting a time limit and see how you feel in three or four months. If the passion doesn't come back, I would seriously think of moving on.

It's extremely painful and difficult to break-up, no matter who does the breaking up.

However, both partners lose if they continue to stay in a dead-end relationship with no passion left.

Good luck!

 
Old 09-08-2005, 06:58 PM   #5
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realguy HB User
Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

The fact that you can use the word hate in a conversation about your boyfriend speaks volumes about how you think about him.

 
Old 09-08-2005, 07:27 PM   #6
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Hangin in There HB User
Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

After three years, I didn't hate my boyfriend, but I no longer loved him. It became clear when everything he did bothered me. I didn't look forward to seeing him any more. When he called, I was upset that he was "bothering me". The feeling didn't go away, even after waiting it out for a few months. I felt so much better when I broke up with him.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 04:20 AM   #7
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sandra2005 HB User
Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

hi thankyou for all your replys, things have gotten considerably worse since i last posted, i have broken up with him and now i feel like it was a mistake..as i said he isnt around at the moment but i am going to meet hi next week so we can talk..i hope it doesnt turn into an argument, i am so unsure about what am even going to say to him..i dont know wheather to just explain why i decided to end the relationship or wheatehr to tell him it was a mstake

 
Old 09-12-2005, 05:46 AM   #8
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Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hangin in There
After three years, I didn't hate my boyfriend, but I no longer loved him. It became clear when everything he did bothered me. I didn't look forward to seeing him any more. When he called, I was upset that he was "bothering me". The feeling didn't go away, even after waiting it out for a few months. I felt so much better when I broke up with him.

im going through the same thing. i am glad i found this post. i need to break up but our history and fun times together keep telling me to postpone it..but im also annoyed by lots of things--things ive asked him not to do or things that are just his personaility. when he's with his friends, he acts really immature LIKE his friends; his language is foul, etc. I also need to really redirect all of my energy towards work and college. I am only 22 and fnally realized that Im not ready for a seroius realationship until i can have my indepence for a while to help me become a well rounded person and work hard for my future.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 08:44 AM   #9
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sandra2005 HB User
Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

hi nonnie, i so no how u feel, its really good to talk to someone else who is feeling the same way and going through the same thing as me, our situations are so similar in alot of ways, the way u feel is like me and i too am young, im only 19....i want more from life than this relationship..which says that i dont want to see him anymore but on the other hand i dont want to say goodbye forever..the thought of seeing him with someone esle if we did break up for good makes me feel sick, i wouldnt be able to cope with that..also when things are good and im not thinking of the past etc. i do actually love him.

My boyfriend did so many horribe things to me and i ended our relationship so many times before but ALWAYS took him back then he finally saw that if he kept up i would go forever and he has actually changed but i still cant get over all the things he has done...like for example if i am siting here thinking about him and then something really mean he did to me pops into my head i feel like screaming because i am still so annoied by it...

what are we going to do??

do you ever feel like you are going to spend your whole life trying to change your boyfriend? if you are anything like me then you will also not want to go on with the relatonship becuase if u do you will end up really hating this person that you once loved so much and you dont want that to happen either.
also can i just ask you if your boyfriend has a clue how you feel about your situation?

well nonnie if u feel like writing back to talk about your problem feel free..i could do with someone to talk to who understands how this feels...

sandra

 
Old 09-12-2005, 09:06 AM   #10
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Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

im 22, so not much older than you. i know lots of people my age in 'ships that are actually very happy. sometimes i dont think age is a factor, if you both are on the same page or wavelength. Me, on the other hand, want to focus on school, becoming financially stable, and just getting to know people to help me figure out exactly what i want in a guy. i really dont know what that is exactly but i know it's not my bf. he's a great friend but not a partner or soulmate. i might have to risk losing a friendship but there are lots of people still to meet and lots of people i really held back on developing into great friends b/c i was so wrapped up into our little relationship thing.

its also scary when i look at myself now compared to when i met my bf (18). ive matured and grown up a great deal. honestly, he hasnt changed and i feel like im almost out of his league (not in a "too good for him way" but mentally and beyond anything physical).

you said he did horrible things to you. well, anything abusive wouldnt keep me around any longer. that's not normal, and it never gets any better. no one should have the upper hand when you are a couple.

mine really doesnt know how i feel. ive been feeling like this on and for for almost a month. but there's nothing he can really do. we havent spent much time together b/c im so busy with work and school, but ive kinda been using that to my advantage too. i need to be upfront. thats t he only way.

i think im telling him the news tomorrow. i dont know how i am going to feel but im scared, but i have to follow my feelings. i might have to spend a little more time on thse boards in case i start beating up on myself for this (not literally). but i might be ok. you just have to keep moving foward and focus on what u think is really important.

Last edited by Nonnie1983; 09-12-2005 at 09:09 AM.

 
Old 09-13-2005, 04:50 AM   #11
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sandra2005 HB User
Re: Why do i feel like i hate my boyfriend???

hi Nonnie,

I feel the same about my boyfriend, that im out of his league as in: his friends are ok, they all tend to not be so good when they are togehter though,like they get each other all worked up and into trouble, whereas mine are good people, he is alot more immature than i

What you were saying about him being mean to me well he never hit me or anything but he used to go off and ignore me and get angry and shout, our relationship was in alot of trouble and was going no-where so i ended things with him for ''the last time'' and he knew i was not going to take him back unless he did change and he has and i was happy for a while but not anymore, now i have realised that it was more than the way he trearted me, that perhaps i dont love him as i thought i did..you know what the really stange thing is, when he treated me like crap i couldnt get enough of him, now that he is good to me im not really bothered with him!! lol..i am such a typicall girl!

getting back to you, if he doesnt know how u feel then would you consider talking to him about it to see if maybe he is feeling the same or does actually want to change somewhat, like what i mean is that if your relationship is important enough to him then maybe he will want to change instead of risking loosing you altogether? or is that what you want? it seems from your post that it doesnt really matter if he changes or not, u just want out of the realtionship? i dont mean to be so presumptious but that is just how it seems....

he called me yesterday and we spoke for about 10 minutes the strange thing is that he didnt mention anything about the huge fight we had or the fact that i told him that i wanted to break up...i said to him ''is everything ok with us now?'' and what i meant by that is can we be friends but he understood another way, like is our relationshop ok...

so as you can tell confusion is what it is all about at the moment...

i am starting to be interested in other men aswell, soemthing which i never was before.....i dont want to cheat on him though so i have to get this sorted out very soon

have you spoken to your bf yet? have you told him how you are feeling?

Sandra

 
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