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Old 09-09-2005, 03:50 AM   #1
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mada_3083 HB User
how slow is too slow

i've been with this fantastic girl for a couple of months now, and we really click, talk and talk, sense of humor matches up etc, and when we got together i acknowleged that she wanted to take it slow as she was scared of getting hurt. well fair enough

so two months later, and still happy, but i'm starting to feel a little frustrated... i mean when i ever get to see her, we're great together, she always feels comfortable around me etc. we talk and talk, it all seems to be going well, but she still sometimes brings up that she doesnt know if she should let herself go with the flow... i mean i don't want to push, but things like that make me a little nervous that it's going to go pear shaped... hmmm any suggestions for how to address this with her, or to ease my own fear"

 
Old 09-09-2005, 04:21 AM   #2
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rainy_daze HB User
Re: how slow is too slow

Hi,

To be honest, 2 months doesn't sound like a very long time. I am not sure how old you are or what you're really waiting for. Are you waiting for sex? For it to become serious? What are you not getting now that you're waiting for?

You're right in that if you try to push her she will most likely push you away. Maybe you could just open up communication and try to understand why she wants to take it slow and why she's afraid of getting hurt. Maybe you could set up relationship goals or talk about what it will take for her to trust you.

 
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Old 09-09-2005, 04:49 AM   #3
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Piranna65 HB User
Re: how slow is too slow

I made my first serious boyfriend wait over 2 months before we became intimate. Granted we had our make out sessions and some other activities we never went all the way until I said I was ready.

And truthfully I would have liked to have made him wait longer but was somewhat pressured into it. So I kind of regret that part, but no changing it now!!

If the two of you like to talk and talk then just bring it up! Let her know your ready to move forward with things and become a little more intimate, that doesnt mean things have to go "all the way" so to speak, but things could go a bit further. I can understand not wanting to get hurt again. I guess everyone does stuff their own way.

Be patient if she isnt willing yet. It's a shame some people (ex's) leave bad impressions on some of us...

 
Old 09-09-2005, 05:10 AM   #4
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: how slow is too slow

Quote:
Originally Posted by rainy_daze
Hi,

To be honest, 2 months doesn't sound like a very long time. I am not sure how old you are or what you're really waiting for. Are you waiting for sex? For it to become serious? What are you not getting now that you're waiting for?

You're right in that if you try to push her she will most likely push you away. Maybe you could just open up communication and try to understand why she wants to take it slow and why she's afraid of getting hurt. Maybe you could set up relationship goals or talk about what it will take for her to trust you.
yeah i know

i'm 22 she's 20, i'm not waithing for sex or physical intimacy, when that happens it will happen, no pressure there...

i guess my biggest problem is that i understand what she means about being scared of being hurt again. this is the first time i've decided to let my heart open since my messy breakup, not saying i love her or anything, but i'm open to the chance of love again. i'm ready to risk the heartbreak again, becaues she's worth it. but i opened my heart because i felt ready, and judging on the way we interact i thought that it was worth the gamble, but then she'll bring up her insecurities in falling for me and that panic's me i guess. she'll say things like "what if we're too different"... i guess i'm waiting for the "it may not work out, but i'm willing to try"...

if any of that makes sense

 
Old 09-10-2005, 05:23 PM   #5
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: how slow is too slow

Mada, you make perfect sense.

You're stuck in that rarest of lands where you're a guy that honestly understands that women think differently - and you also understand that you may never understand.
But you keep trying!

The answer to your question to be honest is "as slow as it takes for as long as it takes - or until you decide to no longer be patient".
The hard part is knowing that the decision to go on your way may happen one week before she would have given you her heart - or that she may never give her heart at all..

If anyone can navigate these years of ahead of you I have every confidence that you will be one of the men that succeeds.
For a guy with a heart,

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 09-10-2005 at 05:24 PM.

 
Old 09-10-2005, 09:18 PM   #6
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: how slow is too slow

thanks ruth...

i guess it was a moment of darkness, where i was wondering how long to hold on for... well i've decided to give it some more time. the night i wrote that post, she called not long after and we talked a bit, and i went to see her... things may have taken a tiny step forward...

 
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