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Old 09-10-2005, 08:47 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2
qpwoei HB User
Where did we go wrong?

I'll try to make my story short here. Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year now. We've been living together since the 5th month of our relationship. And in a nutshell I could describe this relationship as close to perfect.

But...The sex part of this relationship has given way. I don't know what happenned but my gf's sexual drive has weakened for some reason. I know that before she moved in we'd met only on weekends and delighted each other to the last drop. When we met on weekdays she was very pleased to have sex with me. Now we got to the point when we are in bed or wherever else and I am afraid to start fondling her because of fear of being rejected... by my own girlfriend! In the past she used to show a lot of interest towards sex. I thought she liked it because I was the first guy who led her to orgasm. We tried all kinds of it and she was always pleased with with what I was doing. Now she is a no initiator of sex. We make love 1-2 times a week compared to 4-5 times a weekend. For me it's very important to feel desirable but it looks I am less desirable than used to be.

The worst thing is that I am beginning to have second thoughts. It's like "If I don't have enough sex here then I can get it from the girls I used to meet in the past. Almost all of them still show interest in me. I can give a call now and have sex in 60 mins".

I really don't know what to do. For me sex is a very important part of a relationship that has chances to become perfect. I simply need some sort of guidelines to understand what's going on. I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend and at the same time I want more sex.

Sorry for such frankness and thank you for all your advices.

 
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Old 09-10-2005, 09:12 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 29
sml83 HB User
Re: Where did we go wrong?

Do you love her?

Most men look at sex differently than most women.
Men see sex as a way to show their intimacy... a way to make the relationship stronger... and it feels like something that should just be happening as regularly as changing your underpants since it's human nature.
Women, however, (at least in my case) see sex differently.
It depends on the situation obviously....
But for the most part, it's an act that sometimes feels good, sometimes feels like a "duty"... but all in all, if it makes our partner happy, it's a good thing.

Sex is not the basis of a relationship. It does, however, in most cases make a relationship stronger.

Oddly enough, I was discussing the whole "Moving in" thing with my boyfriend recently.
I am very against moving in together before we get married or at least engaged.
There is no more time apart. You wake up to each other and go to bed to each other everyday. there is no anticipation anymore. What would be the point of getting married after living together for a couple years before?

Maybe she feels as if the sex is too scheduled.

Spice it up a bit.

If you have a weekend off together, take her somewhere and "woo" her. ;-)
Tell her she's the most beautiful person you've ever seen and how much you love her.

Women need to hear these things.

Maybe she's feeling 'not so sexy' lately for some reason...?
That's happened to me before. I had put on a few pounds and the last thing I wanted to do was have sex with my boyfriend. Yes, he felt rejected, but we talked things over and it was okay.

Try perhaps talking to her. Find out what's going on in her mind....


but for pete's sake

DO NOT CHEAT ON HER IF YOU LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Old 09-10-2005, 10:26 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: California
Posts: 498
ibeeshell HB User
Re: Where did we go wrong?

Has your girlfriend started any medication recently? Had any health issues lately? These could be reasons.

Sml is right, the whole living together does get a bit stale! I agree with the spicing things up idea and do it as a suprise!!! We females love suprises!LOL

Also don't be afraid to talk it out with her, in a none accusing way of course!!! But maybe she has things on her mind and just is overwhelmed right now. Believe it or not, sex isn't the most important thing in the adult world all the time!!!

That being said, mature men should NOT just call up some random girl to stroke ones ego either!!!! If you are old enough to live together, then you are old enough to take this relationship seriously and at least try to work it out before trotting off to cheat!

 
Old 09-11-2005, 09:45 AM   #4
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(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,776
greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Where did we go wrong?

I agree 100% with you that sexual compatibility is at the heart of a good relationship. If you have high sex drives and your partner does not, this could cause a serious problem.

There's got to be some reason why she doesn't want sex as much as she did before. You really need to discuss the matter with her and find out what is going on. When you do have intimate relations, how is she responding? That's an important question, because if she's not getting as excited as she did before, something could be going on here.

I would suggest that you have a heart to heart talk with your girlfriend and tell her you need to have sex more often and ask her why her drives have taken a nose dive. Good luck.

 
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