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Old 09-10-2005, 02:47 PM   #1
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laurie864bla HB User
made peace with X

Hey guys!!

Many of you know that I had a bad breakup with X in July, and I have made many posts about how to best get over this. I wanted to let you all know what happened last night. He was at this place we go to drink and meet friends, as he has been--just about every Friday.

I asked my friend if I could sleep at her place, cuz we were drinking a lot. Her boyfriend (owns the house) is my X's best friend. She told me if I was to sleep over, I would have to "make nice" with Joe for it to be ok. I figured, no time like the present to put this all behind me, once and for all--so I walked over.

Put my arm around him from behind and said into his ear, "Joe, let's be friends. This is silly and I am sick of feeling uncomfortable. No bringing up the relationship, and I know I can keep that part up cuz I really don't care anymore. What do you say??"

He turned around and smiled and said it was cool with him. Bought him a beer, we talked the rest of the night off and on, and went back to my friends house with about 5 other people. Sat out on their deck and talked more, about New Orleans, etc.. and I went to bed--in the bed we had always shared. Woke up this morning, undisturbed except for when his other very good friend came in sometime during the night looking to get with me! Pig!!

I realized something tho. I AM over him!! It finally felt so good to just breathe out and be laughing friends again. And why shouldn't he want to be friends--the jerk dumped me, and he's been the a$$, not me. But figured lets let bye gones be bye gones, and that I learned some lessons.

I hurt so bad when it ended with him--thought I would never get over it. I just wanted to let all of you know that are pining for someone--that if you just get some distance and prospective, it really does get resolved in your own head and heart. And I had NO closier with him--had to give that to myself.

I hope this gives some of you hope that getting over someone might be just around the corner, and that you can tie up the loose ends yourself and be just fine. Basically, he's kinda a jerk with issues--so why would I want to be with him anyway? SO hope this helps someone--I really, really had it bad for him, and now--fine!!

Tonight going out with Joey, the young guy. Should be fun, but gotta go take a nap!! See ya.

 
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Old 09-10-2005, 05:46 PM   #2
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: made peace with X

how did you know you were ready to just remain friends... i have been thinking about being friends with my ex, who was my best friend too... but still feel a heap of resentment and love for her... so i'm keeping away

 
Old 09-11-2005, 09:49 AM   #3
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Re: made peace with X

I'm glad you made peace with your ex. I know it probably feels like a huge burden has been lifted! I am still friends with one of my ex's, but I don't remain friends with all of them. I think the reason I was able to stay friends with the one ex is because I never cared about him that much to begin with.

I think it helps a lot because you met someone new. Good luck with the younger man.

 
Old 09-11-2005, 10:04 AM   #4
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Re: made peace with X

It is nice to make peace with an ex. I am still best friends with my girlfriend from college.. we broke up more than 7 years ago. I cared for her a lot while we were dating, but I just didn't feel for her in "that way." Today, we live on opposite coasts but still talk a couple times a month. I'm supposed to visit her when she visits the east coast later this month, but we're way beyond the relationship. Basically, we can talk about anything without jealousy, sex, fear, insecurity, etc. getting in the way, because really we have nothing to lose.

Last edited by lostsoul1; 09-11-2005 at 10:05 AM.

 
Old 09-11-2005, 10:52 AM   #5
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gamecock360 HB User
Re: made peace with X

I had a rough breakup in May and did my best to put as much distance between my ex and myself. I got the closure I need about two months later. I am so happy that you are fine!! I know its a hard road. My ex almost immediately started dating someone else. I still care about the guy but after meeting some new people and putting his problems in perspective its not something I want to live with the rest of my life.

I am so happy for you!! I have also met some new prospects. Let's hope one of them turns into something.

 
Old 09-11-2005, 09:22 PM   #6
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laurie864bla HB User
Re: made peace with X

Another update,

Thanks for the responses. Saturday night, slept at the same girl's house. Joe was there...again!! Her boyfriend had won 900 bucks that night and gave her half his winnings and we were pretty lit. Joe had gone to bed first, to try and get the comfy bed all to himself, and she was really erked with him and started laughing and offered me a hundred bucks if I went in and told him to share or get out. First I told her no way, but we kept laughing and she pulled out the money!

I went in, jumped on the bed and told him I get the bed, she said so. He said he would share but he wasn't getting up. I said it was a huge bed, and he better not touch me--I just wanted to sleep. He laughed and I got in and went to sleep. We slept all night and didn't touch once. I got up this morning and left early, but at around 7:30 am, my cell rang it's very loud ring. He sat up and was like, "Who in the heck is calling you at 7 in the morning??" I said, "Not your business, Joe. We are friends, remember?" I could see him trying to listen in on the VM, which I hardly pressed to my ear and had high volume on to make sure he heard! HE HE!!

A long VM from the guy I had a date with today to go to the waterfront, saying he couldn"t wait, how beautiful it was outside, etc. Joes body just stiffened! Jerk!! COuldn't have possibly been better timing, I swear! I left, my friend called me later and asked what happened b/c Joe stormed out early--which he never, ever does at their house.( Sorry, I know it's devilish the way I feel--but this guy really, really hurt me and it feels right that he should squirm a tiny bit, ya know?)

His daughter called me tonight and she asked how my weekend was. I went on to tell her about how bizarre everything was, and she said, "Oh--that explains it! I asked my Dad how his weekend was and he just said, "Just DANDY!" and then said he had to go." We got a bit of a kick out of it, cuz she really thinks her dad was very stupid and immature for even breaking up with me--or lack there of--which is really what happened. Funny.

As far as making peace--I CHOSE to just forgive and move on. He really doesn't deserve forgiveness in the sense that he wasn't wrong or my feelings have eased about what he did to me. I deserved to forgive him--to let it go. It was eating me alive and all I did was want him. When I made this decision--I was set free of him and slowly I am seeing he wasn't God given--just a lying jerky guy who I was stupid enuf to fall in love with. I realize now that I fell in love with who he presented him self to be--NOT him. The real him has major issues, a drinking problem, and no drive to better him self or grow as a human being. He lied horribly about these things, and I ask myself why I even want to be friends with someone like that---I get the same answer all the time,--It's easier this way. It feels as tho I am taking the high road and it feels better to know I did nothing wrong. I feel mature and I feel in control this way. I hope that makes sense to you who were wondering whether to do this or not. It has really worked for me, as has getting involved with a couple other guys--hotties always help.

Shallow, but oh so true!! Hugs to all who are pining that last relationship that just killed ya. I feel for ya, and wanted to share this if it may help you. Forgiveness is absolute bliss and I actually feel free of him--the only thing I feel for him now is a bit of pity that he wants to spend his life alone--cuz I adore his daughter. She called me mom tonight on the phone. How pitiful is that?? My daughter and her have been on the phone for 2 hrs now, and she was so darn excited when she heard we jokingly slept in the same bed together she about exploded! I had to get back on and tell her it was a tipsy joke, and a bet, and not to get her hopes up. We were just being silly, but were freinds again, and that made her happy--but I think also hopeful. Poor kid. Her dad's a mess. OK__done rambling. Sorry!! See ya!! Hope you had a great weekend everyone!

 
Old 09-12-2005, 12:34 AM   #7
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: made peace with X

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurie864bla
I could see him trying to listen in on the VM, which I hardly pressed to my ear and had high volume on to make sure he heard! HE HE!!

A long VM from the guy I had a date with today to go to the waterfront, saying he couldn"t wait, how beautiful it was outside, etc. Joes body just stiffened! Jerk!! COuldn't have possibly been better timing,
glad that your starting to get over him, but don't you think if you'd forgiven him and moved on you wouldn't be playing jokes on him along these lines... making him jealous?

 
Old 09-12-2005, 03:00 AM   #8
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: made peace with X

I think Mada is right. If you were really moving on, you wouldn't try to make him jealous or get back at him. You are taking his rejection of you too personally.

He broke up with you probably for reasons that had nothing to do with you. You said he drinks too much, so that's probably the most important thing to him right now. You don't want to be involved with someone like that anyway.

If you really want to get past this guy, I think you should quit going places where you will run into him. Stay away from him! You deserve better.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 03:34 AM   #9
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realguy HB User
Re: made peace with X

Your really over another when you don"t feel the need to contact one another. What"s with the sharing the bed stuff. I"m sure in the future, any man will not want you "jokingly" playing in a bed with your ex. Seems that between a guy trying to get with you while your drunk and sleeping to playing jokes on your ex in a bed while being lit, maybe there"s to much alcohol being drank by you and your friends.
Seems like your GF wants you to get back wuth your ex.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 05:49 AM   #10
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Re: made peace with X

We were all really stupid drunk, that's why. Also--I don't go places my X goes--he shows up where I go. I have a lot of friends there, and was out with my girlfriends. As far as too much alcohol with my friends--DUH!! It is the only reason I would even stay at her house--too much alcohol. Talk about stupid--the reason the 900 dollars was won--rock, paper, scissors with 20$ a game!!!! Ridiculous, but funny all at the same time. These guys drive nice cars, have beautiful homes, but are idiots. I just made the stupid mistake of dating one!LOL

I have chosen to forgive Joe, but yes--am I totally over him? Guess not if I want him to squirm with the VM--but I am human. Forgiveness is divine--but I am a mere human, with human feelings, one of those being a little revenge. Now, I know I don't want to get back with him--but is it really a crime to let the ego maniac know it too?

I did take his rejection personally--took it very hard. But now I know it was b/c of other, much more serious issues with him.

And as far as some guy in the future not wanting me to be "playing in bed w/ my X" ...ya think?? I don't have anyone to answer to right now, except me. I wasn't driving, so I don't really care what anyone thinks aboout that. Just pointing out the fact that we didn't touch is all. ANd with that guy coming in the room--he;s the biggest man ho ever. Pro football player, just got cut--major idiot, this guy. Should have taken into consideration he's one of Joe's best friend's! LOL.

GE--I see what you are saying about running into him--but I like to hang out where I hang out--and there are lots of others there. I don't go there to see Joe. It actually made me so much more over him to hang out with him, b/c he's a jerk, and I can see that more and more now. I just like to twist the knife a tiny bit--but it's human. He didn't even give me so much as a phone break up--and we were spending every day and night together, had our children involved, and he told me he was in it forever--he had found his freaking soul mate, bla bla. Twisting for a couple of weeks that I have moved on is only a little normal, dont ya think?

ANyway, I feel like I have forgiven him. At least I'm not majorly angry or thinking about him all the time--and I know I don't want him back. I guess dropping the anger seemed more complete to me, but I see what you all are saying too. Maybe it's more realistically a partial forgiveness, huh?LOL

 
Old 09-12-2005, 11:37 AM   #11
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Cldwv HB User
Re: made peace with X

Quote:
Originally Posted by mada_3083
how did you know you were ready to just remain friends... i have been thinking about being friends with my ex, who was my best friend too... but still feel a heap of resentment and love for her... so i'm keeping away
I think it's different for everyone, just like every relationship is different. My breakup happened almost a year ago and while I'm over the shock and pain of it, I decided I didn't want to be friends with him. I can't do that. He dumped me, for no reason. He broke my heart. Can't do the friend thing. I admire those who can but not everyone can.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 09:15 PM   #12
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realguy HB User
Re: made peace with X

Laurie, Being stupid drunk can lead to a situation you may regret with your ex or another man. You seem to know these facts but give the impression you won"t stop.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 09:20 PM   #13
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Re: made peace with X

Quote:
Originally Posted by realguy
Laurie, Being stupid drunk can lead to a situation you may regret with your ex or another man. You seem to know these facts but give the impression you won"t stop.
Aaah, who cares, men suck. We should just use them the same way they use us.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 09:59 PM   #14
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laurie864bla HB User
Re: made peace with X

Won't stop what?? I dont do anything drunkI wouldn't do sober. I drink responsibly to the point where I don't around my kids, and I don't drive--but I don't get drunk and sleep with guys. I do that when I want to!LOL Drinking has nothing to do with it.Stupid was just an expression about laughing our butts off watching a professional football player lose $900 playing rock paper scissors and her giving me $100 of it to crash with Joe. It was funny as heck to us, at least it was then.


We also talked about pouring room temp chocolate pudding on him while he was sleeping, so he could wake up and panic that he pooed him self. Now, one could say it was immature, for sure--but we were absolutley rolling about it at 4 am.

I love to have fun, not stopping that. I'm not hurting anyone, and I'm not getting hurt. These are old friends with a huge, gorgeous house with a ton of bedrooms an lots of people stay over there. It's got people in the giant hot tub, cooking at the massive outdoor kitchen, and hanging out on the deck. It's not some flop house where drunk girls go in and get raped or something, jeezy peezy!!

I hang out with a fun crowd, but some are always jerks in any crowd. I take good care of myself, and have aton of guys looking out for me at all times, so don't worry about me. I'm just having some fun I haven't had in a long time is all. I'll settle down again one day, but for now--just laughing and getting ahundred bucks for crashng next to a guy who just dumped me is funny as heck. Guess you had to be there. LOL!!

 
Old 09-13-2005, 06:58 PM   #15
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realguy HB User
Re: made peace with X

Sophia, What"s with the negativity?

 
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