It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-11-2005, 07:25 AM   #1
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,499
CancerDad HB User
Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

here because there are a lot of people going through some serious stuff on the Cancer Board... serious different stuff, and I thought it would be more fair to them to continue here. Ok??

Your wife is on the verge right now because of the sexual abuse and what she did with the married guy. Man, I hope you have a better self-esteem when you are with her, or are working that out in therapy... why wouldn't she pick YOU and 19 years over another married guy she's doing probably because of the abuse??? Especially if he broke it off, AND she works with him EVERYDAY... it's a constant reminder of her abuse, which she was trying desperately to forget. A lot of women start to run into that role when they are trying to avoid remembering something... when they are right on the verge. I know there are differences between what happened with my wife and yours, but believe me, I have read up on many topics of abuse and reasons people do things. Remember, she may be doing this as a result of the abuse, but that doesn't change the fact that she's hurting you. I DEFINITELY don't think she wants a divorce. So if you are worried about that, I wouldn't.

Of course her parents are going to call her crazy... she's the "crazy wh0r that says she was abused by her father"...etc. etc. Believe me, I've heard it. And I'm certain she's on the edge of a breakdown. My wife had to go in-patient for a little to get it together, then continue in a Post Traumatic Stress/Sexual Abuse Program for months after. Did you know about the abuse when you married her? If so, I think you have a TON invested in this, and I understand how difficult it is to give up... I wouldn't.... I didn't.

Has she tried to hurt herself, or turned to self-mutilation? I don't know if you have been with her lately where you can see that. Usually it's done where you can't see it, but provides great relief for them. If she does, don't freak out. Believe it or not, it's normal for sex abuse survivors.

I was pushing you in my last post Scott to try to get you to see some things that maybe you're not seeing. I'm sorry if I pushed too hard.

I've no doubt that she was a good mother to your daughter. Maybe you have a reason to believe otherwise... TALK TO ME. And I hope you understand why I wanted to change boards.

Fondly,
CancerDad
__________________
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!

Last edited by CancerDad; 09-11-2005 at 07:32 AM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 09-11-2005, 08:07 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,343
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

A big thank you to CancerDad (one of my "oldest" friends on the Boards) for bringing Scott (Falcon554) over here to the relationship boards. We're honest, we're supportive, but mostly we're honest!

Scott, I've been through the abuse that your wife went thru. And there are others here who have also been through it. We're aware that some women react differently from others. Some turn away from relationships, others go to the other extreme. No one here is Pro-Affairs that I'm aware of. Some have been hurt like you have and may seem less forgiving than others. That's what makes this one of the better boards. You get a 360 degree viewpoint here.

If you get a moment, maybe you can kind of tell what has been happening to you and your family again here so that the Relationship gang can get a feel for what you have been going through.

I'm glad to see you!
(Ruthie)

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 09-11-2005 at 08:08 AM.

 
Old 09-11-2005, 08:52 AM   #3
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 125
Falcon554 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Thanks CD for moving this here.

Ok here is what has happend up untill now.

We got married young. I was 21 she was 18, my son was 3 months old when we got married. We have been married 19 years and I have know her for 21 years. I met her when she was 16.

Ok thur the 19 years of our marriage we have had alot of problems, money, the biggest. She is bad with it lol really bad, im not so good myself. Sex was never a issue with us, no matter how much I gained or she did that was alwasy great. I was informed about the abuse about 3 years into the marriage because she was acting really weird back then. I was supportive and we talked about it but not in detail. She had alot to deal with, her mom found out about it but stayed with her dad and there still together. She has her reasons and truth be told they are good reasons, I know that sounds stupid but someday ill post the reasons why.

I was not the best of husbands, not close but I did over the last 19 years what I thought I was supposed to. I never had a good role model for being a husband, my Mom and Dad never loved eachother but there was no abuse in my house. They just got along good but never any love there, if there was it was never shown to eachother.

As I said I did what I thought I should. I stayed home, never cheated, never went out with the boys. My life was my family untill about 4 years ago. I found online gameing and it sucked my life away. I ignored my wife for the last 4 years, hell I ignored just about everything. Well back in April i got sick thought I had colon cancer, I did not. Well when you think you have something like that it make you really look into yourself and i did.

During this time my wife was acting weird, little did I know she was talking to this guy and things started then. I wrote my wife a letter one moring after crying my eyes out and said I was sorry for all that I have done and I would try to be who I should be. ( As a couple we never went anywhere and I mean never we were always mom and dad.). Well that made her mad, something she wanted for years and now I say im sorry, but I did not know that this thing with the other guy was already starting.

Ok that brings us to May and June of this year. She saw him one time in may and then ask for a speration. We tried to work it out for 3 days it was just not going to work so I moved into my mother-in-laws house (they were out of time for a week.) Well then my wife went nuts, that friday she got her tatoo. She had to go out all the time, it was like a need she could not fight.

Well when her mom and dad got back her mom tried like hell to tell me about the other guy but never really saying it. My wife picked me up that day and we went home to talk. Well thats when she told me. I took it ok for about 2 hours then all hell broke loose.

I moved out into my sisters house, so my daughter could stay at the house with all her friends around. The next 2 months was my wife going out to the bars, seeing him, and having a 3 some with her best friend and husband. While I stayed at my sisters house and took my daughter on weekends. We stayed where we could.

I stoped calling her, never went by the house to check up on her. She called me, and I woudl get the im so confused, the kids are driving me nuts. She all but lost my 19 year old son, he hated her for a while.

Well about 2 months ago things were getting better, she said she stoped seeing the married man, by the way we kept having sex alll thur this mess. Well my sister went out of town and she would not let me stay there. So my wife said I could stay with her. This started this what ever it is. We talked for hours on end. We really started to be friends again. Well one night about 1030 she said her friend wanted her to go to get a drink, I was in the house at the time I said it was rude but go ahead.

Well she came home and I knew something was wrong. Well she met a guy she had sex with there and he tried to have sex with her in the parking lot, she had to knee him and run and he called her a *****. Well I was the one that had to pick up the crap that day. We went to the beach the next day and had one of the best days we have ever had. I told her I loved her she said the same thing.

Well the next day boom she was back to I love you but not in love with you stuff. That day I was told about 2 guys she had sex with a 25 year old and a 30 year old. That ****** me off . The sex bothers me just not as much as I ever thought it would. I was her only one for 20 years. I knew from the day we got married she would have sex with someone I just thought it would be much eairler in the marriage. By the way she is 37.

Well 3 weeks ago the married guy called again and she started seeing him again but this time told me up right away. Well we are getting a divorce but we are also trying to get to know eachother again. I moved out about 3 weeks ago and since then we go out 3 or 4 times a week. To eat or I just go to her house and talk, watch tv. All this time I knew she was seeing this guy but I was having fun to. We did stuff we never did when we were married. We went out and had fun. met friends at places. I just had to put this guy away somewhere in my mind.

Well last friday she called him and his wife was right there. That was it for him he told my wife it had to end. Well he wanted her to chance her cell phone, she did not. Now im there for her again. She is hurting and confused. One she liks this guy but she also sees me for who I am now and does not want to lose me as a friend or whatever we are to eachother now.

I love this woman will all my heart, she was a good wife and mother for 20 years, never did I have to worry about anything. So if I takes her 6 to 8 months go get thur this crap then so be it. I can handle that. Lol alot of guys dont understand me at all, then again there longest relationship is 3 years. You just dont let go of 20 years just like that and im going to fight like hell for this woman because for 20 years she was there for me day in and day out. How in the hell could I just not be there for her now?

Sorry its so long

Scott

 
Old 09-11-2005, 08:55 AM   #4
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 125
Falcon554 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

"Has she tried to hurt herself, or turned to self-mutilation? I don't know if you have been with her lately where you can see that. Usually it's done where you can't see it, but provides great relief for them. If she does, don't freak out. Believe it or not, it's normal for sex abuse survivors."

Wow your good, she did do this when she was younger. She did stop it tho. She took pins and cut herself.

I was lucky I never had anyone abuse me, thank god. I dont know whats in her head 1/2 the time. She is really good at hiding stuff untill late at night when her walls come down.

Scott

 
Old 09-11-2005, 10:38 AM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,822
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Hi, Scott Welcome to the Relationship Forum

I must commend you first on your devotion & love for your wife & marriage. It's not everyday that we receive that wakeup call in our lives and act upon it rather than ignore it.

Your story is heartwarming and pulls at the heartstrings as well. Your love for your wife is evident and perhaps the salvation that your wife needs.

I must agree with CancerDad in the sense that your wife's actions stem from her past abuse. Although I was not subjected to sexual abuse as your wife seems to have been, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I have learned that women who have been sexually abused often suppress their feelings sometimes to the point of inventing an alterego in which they at the time create for themselves another personality so as to protect themselves from what they endure from their abuser. Some go on to have split personalities and schizophrenic type behavior. Most never go that far but do act out sexually often subjecting themselves to a very promiscuious lifestlye sometimes even prostitution. So....having learned this I would defintely say that your wife's behavior has much to do with her past abuse rather than wanting an affair.... it is so unlike her as you have pointed out. I say this so that perhaps you may understand it better in the sense that while what she does is destructive to a marriage it may be her only way of dealing with the situation.

I think that perhaps your wife's self esteem went down during the 4 years that you describe stating, "My life was my family untill about 4 years ago. I found online gameing and it sucked my life away. I ignored my wife for the last 4 years, hell I ignored just about everything." This may have brought her close to the feelings that she had suppressed for so long and thus brought about the "wierd" behavior that you go on to describe. It's almost indicative of a rebellious teens behavior in order to get attention. It seems to me that perhaps your wife is crying out for help.

Has she ever gone for therapy to help her uncover the feelings that she had suppressed for so long??? Until she does and comes to the realization that she was a victim and that what happened to her was not anything to do with something she did or failed to do as a young girl....this defense mechanism and destructive type of behavior will continue. With therapy she may learn healthier and more constructive ways to deal with these past feelings.

I went for therapy and still find myself encountering the feelings that emotional abuse caused in my past. I find when this happens I will tell my husband outloud at the time I react in such a way that I am reacting as if feeling like I did in the past. He understands me enough to say quite frankly, "I am not Charlie and didn't say or do that to hurt you." It took me a long time to be able to articulate what I was reacting to....normal everyday constructive critcisms would trigger a fight & flight reaction in me in which I would become almost irrationally upset almost like severe PMSing and he would recognize this & reassure me by reminding me that I was safe and he was not going to hurt me. Simply by reminding me with the gentle words..."I am not Charlie." Over time with his consistent reassurrance and my recognition that I reacted this way due to something in my past, I was able to resolve most of this within our marriage. I think that your wife needs to be able to do the same thing. Until she can identify (with the help of a good therapist)...the feelings that she has suppressed and needs to address head on to determine that she was a victim who can walk away from this and not allow it to destory the good life that she now has, she will continue to do these self destructive acts. But with your love, understanding & support I think you may be able to get her there.

It is obvious that she loves and trusts you and she is going to need your love and support to get through this. Your telling her that you want to help and be there for her may be the greatest gift you can give her at this time. When you neglected her 4 years ago she may have lost that trust & support that she felt she could always depend on....reassurring her that you are there and that you see that as a mistake will help her to regain the trust that she so needs at this time.

I hope some of what I have shared helps. I know firsthand how much love, support, and patience it takes to help someone who has been abused. My family & friends and husband have stood by me to the end...and it was their love, patience and undying support that saved me. I keep those past feelings of abuse from haunting me by coming here and helping others who are haunted by the same. Somehow it is through having walked in the same shoes that we are best equipped to help others that are or have been abused. I pray that your wife comes to that realization and finds that there is a more constructive way to deal with past abuse by helping others who are in the same or similar situation.

Please know that I am here to help in anyway even if you just need to vent. Also please know that you & your family are in my prayers ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-11-2005 at 10:46 AM.

 
Old 09-11-2005, 02:28 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,499
CancerDad HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Goody:
So good to hear from you, and you too Ruthie! Long time no talk!! Thanks for helping my friend Scott here. We have been communicating for a while on the other Forum, and I thought it best to try to bring him here.... Scott, I hope you don't mind that I re-directed you to help bring in some troops, so you weren't just hearing it from me!!! We all have A LOT of experience we can share to try to help you through this difficult time-- I showed you that on the other thread, and some of my peeps are showing you that here now!!!

And Scott, if you ask the moderator to move your posts over here (just name the thread and give your name) then it may help shed some further light for some people.

Please DON'T think I am dumping you off on another forum... I VALUE your friendship, and plan to continue to talk with you whenever you need. I just thought it might benefit you to have others chime in too! Again, I hope you understand!

Fondly,
CancerDad
__________________
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!

 
Old 09-11-2005, 08:41 PM   #7
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 125
Falcon554 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Quote:
Originally Posted by CancerDad
Goody:
So good to hear from you, and you too Ruthie! Long time no talk!! Thanks for helping my friend Scott here. We have been communicating for a while on the other Forum, and I thought it best to try to bring him here.... Scott, I hope you don't mind that I re-directed you to help bring in some troops, so you weren't just hearing it from me!!! We all have A LOT of experience we can share to try to help you through this difficult time-- I showed you that on the other thread, and some of my peeps are showing you that here now!!!

And Scott, if you ask the moderator to move your posts over here (just name the thread and give your name) then it may help shed some further light for some people.

Please DON'T think I am dumping you off on another forum... I VALUE your friendship, and plan to continue to talk with you whenever you need. I just thought it might benefit you to have others chime in too! Again, I hope you understand!

Fondly,
CancerDad
Hey CD you did not dump me lol, you put me in a place to help me and thats great and I thank you for it. You have been a god send for me.

Scott

P.S. how do I ask the mods to move it? Name if the thread is For CancerDad

 
Old 09-11-2005, 08:53 PM   #8
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 125
Falcon554 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz
Hi, Scott Welcome to the Relationship Forum

I must commend you first on your devotion & love for your wife & marriage. It's not everyday that we receive that wakeup call in our lives and act upon it rather than ignore it.

Your story is heartwarming and pulls at the heartstrings as well. Your love for your wife is evident and perhaps the salvation that your wife needs.

I must agree with CancerDad in the sense that your wife's actions stem from her past abuse. Although I was not subjected to sexual abuse as your wife seems to have been, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I have learned that women who have been sexually abused often suppress their feelings sometimes to the point of inventing an alterego in which they at the time create for themselves another personality so as to protect themselves from what they endure from their abuser. Some go on to have split personalities and schizophrenic type behavior. Most never go that far but do act out sexually often subjecting themselves to a very promiscuious lifestlye sometimes even prostitution. So....having learned this I would defintely say that your wife's behavior has much to do with her past abuse rather than wanting an affair.... it is so unlike her as you have pointed out. I say this so that perhaps you may understand it better in the sense that while what she does is destructive to a marriage it may be her only way of dealing with the situation.

I think that perhaps your wife's self esteem went down during the 4 years that you describe stating, "My life was my family untill about 4 years ago. I found online gameing and it sucked my life away. I ignored my wife for the last 4 years, hell I ignored just about everything." This may have brought her close to the feelings that she had suppressed for so long and thus brought about the "wierd" behavior that you go on to describe. It's almost indicative of a rebellious teens behavior in order to get attention. It seems to me that perhaps your wife is crying out for help.

Has she ever gone for therapy to help her uncover the feelings that she had suppressed for so long??? Until she does and comes to the realization that she was a victim and that what happened to her was not anything to do with something she did or failed to do as a young girl....this defense mechanism and destructive type of behavior will continue. With therapy she may learn healthier and more constructive ways to deal with these past feelings.

I went for therapy and still find myself encountering the feelings that emotional abuse caused in my past. I find when this happens I will tell my husband outloud at the time I react in such a way that I am reacting as if feeling like I did in the past. He understands me enough to say quite frankly, "I am not Charlie and didn't say or do that to hurt you." It took me a long time to be able to articulate what I was reacting to....normal everyday constructive critcisms would trigger a fight & flight reaction in me in which I would become almost irrationally upset almost like severe PMSing and he would recognize this & reassure me by reminding me that I was safe and he was not going to hurt me. Simply by reminding me with the gentle words..."I am not Charlie." Over time with his consistent reassurrance and my recognition that I reacted this way due to something in my past, I was able to resolve most of this within our marriage. I think that your wife needs to be able to do the same thing. Until she can identify (with the help of a good therapist)...the feelings that she has suppressed and needs to address head on to determine that she was a victim who can walk away from this and not allow it to destory the good life that she now has, she will continue to do these self destructive acts. But with your love, understanding & support I think you may be able to get her there.

It is obvious that she loves and trusts you and she is going to need your love and support to get through this. Your telling her that you want to help and be there for her may be the greatest gift you can give her at this time. When you neglected her 4 years ago she may have lost that trust & support that she felt she could always depend on....reassurring her that you are there and that you see that as a mistake will help her to regain the trust that she so needs at this time.

I hope some of what I have shared helps. I know firsthand how much love, support, and patience it takes to help someone who has been abused. My family & friends and husband have stood by me to the end...and it was their love, patience and undying support that saved me. I keep those past feelings of abuse from haunting me by coming here and helping others who are haunted by the same. Somehow it is through having walked in the same shoes that we are best equipped to help others that are or have been abused. I pray that your wife comes to that realization and finds that there is a more constructive way to deal with past abuse by helping others who are in the same or similar situation.

Please know that I am here to help in anyway even if you just need to vent. Also please know that you & your family are in my prayers ~ Goody

She did see someone years ago for the abuse. She is on meds now for her emotions. Right now this guy is just playing with her and its starting to **** me off. He has no idea of what this poor woman had to go thru, and how messed up she really is now.

Tonight I was watching my daughter at my old house. And she got home and went to take a shower and I gave her a hug and said I love you, she said dont say that I dont know why you love me. Then she ask me to stay the night, well I said no this time. The first time I have ever said no these last 4 months.

I need to talk to her some more tonight. I feel sorry for her at times. I know she still loves me but she is so messed up now. Thanks for the replys. It helps to know that I might be doing the right thing. Some of my friends told me to just go out and screw someone else and I was offerd from this one girl to and I said no. Others understand why im still here. While her mom and dad think im nuts. All I know is that I have to follow my heart, the times I have tried to be tuff she saw right thru that. She knows im not like that and im sure I have been used some this last few months but I let it happen just so I could be close to her when something did happen.

Scott

 
Old 09-12-2005, 05:32 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,499
CancerDad HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Falcon554
P.S. how do I ask the mods to move it? Name if the thread is For CancerDad
Exactly... Tell them you should have posted here on the Relationship Board, and realize that now, and would they please move the thread over here. You can even click on "inappropriate thread" at the top right of the thread and ask them there... that way you don't have to bother with who moderates what. Just say would you please move it... you started the thread, so they shouldn't give you any problem. And then it should say on the other forum that the thread has been moved here!

Good luck. I'm glad to hear you don't feel dumped off... as I said, I will continue to be here!

Fondly,
CancerDad
__________________
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!

 
Old 09-13-2005, 10:22 AM   #10
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,822
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Falcon554
She did see someone years ago for the abuse. She is on meds now for her emotions..

.....she got home and went to take a shower and I gave her a hug and said I love you, she said dont say that I dont know why you love me. Then she ask me to stay the night, well I said no this time. The first time I have ever said no these last 4 months.

I need to talk to her some more tonight. I feel sorry for her at times. I know she still loves me but she is so messed up now.
Hi, Scott....just wanted to see how things were going & how your talk went the other night. We are here for you anytime you may feel the need to vent. It is obvious that there are issues yet to be worked out. You didn;t mention whether she has gone for therapy or is attending. That would be important to know.

CancerDad....Hi right back to you Have missed you & hope all is going well. I must admit that I will have to go back to one of your threads to catch up with you....things on the homefront have kept me rather busy. Nevertheless you are one of the special ones that I have in my prayers. Sending, Scott here was a great move on your part. Take care and ((HUGS)) from Goody

 
Old 09-13-2005, 11:37 AM   #11
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 148
Lilly10 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Hi Scott,

Welcome to Relationship Health. I read your post and must say that I really admire you for what you are doing for your wife!!! I dont think you are nuts at all for sticking by her side I think you are doing the right thing although I know it must be very painful for you. My heart goes out to you and I hope your wife will soon see how much she means to you and you mean to her. I can only imagine how hard this is for you I have high hopes that your wife will come around. I know you said that she has talked to someone about what happened to her and at some point I hope she finds her way to therapy again but right now I think that she cant be pushed into anything and It is clear that you know that. We are all here to support you!

 
Old 09-13-2005, 03:28 PM   #12
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 125
Falcon554 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Well today the crap hit the fan. The mans wife has found out, someone called her and told her, not sure who it was. He is going nuts, saying if he loses his family he will kill himself. Well now my wife feels like crap. I told her I dont know how many times, that I dont feel sorry for her or him, but for his wife and kids.
She understands that now. When you do something so selfish like this its bound to come back and bite you right in the butt and its has for both of them.

You made choices in life and you have to deal with them, I made mine by sticking by my wife. The hardest choice I have ever made. I watched my father die slowly for 2 years. That was nothing compared to these last 4 months.

So we will see what happens now.

 
Old 09-14-2005, 06:36 AM   #13
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 148
Lilly10 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

What do people think when they have affairs there is always a good chance his wife was going to find out and I feel she deserves to know. Such a drastic statement to make that he will kill himself if he loses his family well I just dont feel for him at all he made his bed now he has to lye in it. Keep your chin up Scott. My situation is not quite like yours but I know what it is like to live the way you are now. My life has been turned upside down and I just dont know how I will get through but somehow I tell myself I will and what ever happens in the end must be what was suppose to happen .

 
Old 09-14-2005, 11:02 AM   #14
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 125
Falcon554 HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilly10
What do people think when they have affairs there is always a good chance his wife was going to find out and I feel she deserves to know. Such a drastic statement to make that he will kill himself if he loses his family well I just dont feel for him at all he made his bed now he has to lye in it. Keep your chin up Scott. My situation is not quite like yours but I know what it is like to live the way you are now. My life has been turned upside down and I just dont know how I will get through but somehow I tell myself I will and what ever happens in the end must be what was suppose to happen .
Updside it sure is You know sometimes you watch people do such stupid things. Its amazing that a smart woman of 37 can turn into a teenager, or act like one. Im almost 41 years old and I can not belive this has happend to me. This crap should of happend when I was 18.

She told him today maybe they will just be friends and I told her there is no way in hell that can happen. You either break it off totally or you dont. And if you dont you can say goodbye to me forever. You know all of this crap this last 4 months makes no sence but then again she has not been thinking right at all. She is a mess right now, a big mess.

But right now im ok, I feel better now then I have in the last 4 months, im getting some control back now. She is listening to me for the first time in months. I think in the next 4 to 6 months we can work this out, its going to take alot of work, and alot of love but I know I can do it I just hope she can.

You know the grass is not always greener. Sometimes that grass bites you in the butt.

You either see your partner thru this crap or you just walk away. I chose to see her thru this, even when others told me im nuts. Well it was my choice and I will deal with what I have to deal with. I ask her today if she still wants a divorce and for the first time she said well I havent signed the papers yet have I? Well lets see where this goes. Wish me luck, it will be a wild ride.

Scott

P.S. Your right he has to deal with this now. The difference between us and them is that my wife told me right when it started that she wanted to seperate and we did then she started to see him. She has had to deal with my pain, and my anger for 4 months. He has gotten off scott free for 4 months, well thats over now.

Last edited by Falcon554; 09-14-2005 at 11:04 AM.

 
Old 09-14-2005, 06:09 PM   #15
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,499
CancerDad HB User
Re: Scott: I wanted to continue the thread....

Scott:
He wanted his cake and eat it too. Your wife is a different circumstance with the abuse... and the acting out now. I'm telling you, been there done that, then fought, and am surviving cancer. You can do this. And keep in mind that just because you make this decision now does NOT mean that you can't or won't change your mind in the future. You have every right and a say in this too. We have talked about all of this. I think you did the absolute right thing... either he's OUT of her life, or you're gone.

Keep hanging in there man. Sometimes people who don't have extenuating circumstances do this... I have often asked myself if it would be easier or harder if it was a "normal" affair. Know I'm thinking of you and praying everything works out, no matter what that would be.

Fondly,
CDad
__________________
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Good laminectomy outcomes wanted (really, all experiences) standingman Back Problems 185 04-11-2011 09:58 AM
For Scott gloria2936 Inner Ear Disorders 60 12-06-2005 08:15 PM
Question for Scott Howie2 Inner Ear Disorders 51 11-03-2005 09:00 AM
Eye tracking for Scott and Tess Howie2 Inner Ear Disorders 5 07-12-2005 09:10 PM
Scott! Wowwwweeee Inner Ear Disorders 27 04-09-2005 03:58 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (260), rosequartz (245), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (87), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (857), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (773), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:18 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!