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Old 09-11-2005, 01:52 PM   #1
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jansmokeyty HB User
catholic vs baptist wedding.

first i would like to say that i am baptist. i do NOT want to be married in the catholic church or have catholic children. my fiancee is strict catholic. and feels the same way about his religion.

however, i will compromise with him. i will get married in a catholic church if i can have a pastor for me and a priest for him. and our children not be catholic. or i don't have a problem getting married outside. or i do not have a problem with us getting married in a baptist church, having a priest come in for him, and then have catholic children.

i discussed this with him a little bit and he has no problem with having a pastor and a priest....BUT he says it has to be in a catholic church. he said he could even ask the priest to take out the "do you promise to raise your children in the catholic faith" part. now he is very stubborn, and i really don't think he is going to change his mind about this. but my mom has said if i go and get married in a catholic church and then have kids she will intervene because she knows that is not what i want. i DO NOT want her intervening because it will cause fights between the families. if anyone has any other suggestions or compromises or advice, please help me

 
Old 09-11-2005, 02:09 PM   #2
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Titchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB UserTitchou HB User
Re: catholic vs baptist wedding.

You two need to do some real soul searching and talking about this...perhaos even couseling. His decisions may impact whether or not the Catholic church will allow him to continue receiving the sacraments after your marriage...and to devout Catholics that is VERY important. Many times the other partner will say one thing before the kids come and then change their minds after and want them raised in the religion he/she was raised in. If you then decide to marry and map out a plan for your children, YOU need to tell your mother what it is and that YOU have made this decision and it is what YOU want. You are an adult now (I assume) and you can't allow your parents to interfere in your marriage. However, each of you is responsible for keeping your own parents out of your marriage.

 
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Old 09-11-2005, 04:52 PM   #3
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Re: catholic vs baptist wedding.

You stated that you will get married in a Catholic church if a Baptist minister can be there. Then again, you state that you will not get married in a Catholic church.
I am unclear whether you will or will not raise your children Catholic and under what circumstances.

I agree that counseling (non-denominational) is a must if you are going to marry this person.
My personal opinion is that if you are both at such an impasse now it would be easier to step back and reconsider your choice of marriage partners. This may be a case where loving someone just isn't enough to make a successful relationship out of it...

 
Old 09-12-2005, 05:24 AM   #4
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Re: catholic vs baptist wedding.

I agree with Ruth on this one. You came to us moths ago with the same issue which has yet to be resolved. Once you get married, things will only get worse.

Once you have children you will have to decide which church to baptize them and so forth.

Seems to me that each of you are not only thinking about what you want to do but allowing outside sources of family to weigh heavily on your decisions. When it comes to marriage a man leaves his family and a woman leaves her home and the two become one....meaning that they are a new family who must put one another first. I think that this is a common belief of both Catholics & Baptists.

Personally, I think it is the parent who practices their faith more who should make the determination of which religion the children should be brought up in. Who attends church more frequently and holds it as more of a priority in their lives???

I also agree with Ruth that counseling is necessary....no one should go into marriage without resolving this issue, things will only get worse until you come to some sort of agreement/compromise on this. Once children enter the picture, unless you are united on aspects of religious upbringing, there will only be more stress placed upon the marriage.

Most importantly, it would not be the practice of any religious belief to be divided in marriage upon entering it....a marriage is a union and you must enter it with love & respect or one another's beliefs and values. That is what is most important and without entering with that premise, then the union will be weak to begin with.

I wish you & your fiance the best in getting through this hurdle in your relationship. Sometimes it takes a neutral party to put it in a better perspective, sometimes it involves walking away when there is no compromise. But it would be an injustice to not fully address your concerns before entering into marriage. There is too much on the line here to do otherwise. My best wishes ~ Goody

 
Old 09-12-2005, 06:08 AM   #5
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Piranna65 HB User
Re: catholic vs baptist wedding.

There is nothing wrong with wanting things "your" way. But there is something wrong when you both want your way. I can see why this is difficult, I am a catholic, not a strong or strict I rarely attend. My fiance was born catholic but no longer practices or beieves in it ect...so he allows me to decide how I would like our wedding and children baptized.

But it is good that you are having concern of this now because this is something you two MUST come to a conclusion before you get married since it means so much to the both of you. And if you two do decide for example that you will get married in your church and the children will be catholic then this is something you have to be comfortable with when the day comes...I dont want to impose or seem rude but i can see the one of the two of you, wanting the kids to be baptized by Yours or His religion reguardless of the ''agreement'' previously made...once you become pregnant your family and friends on each of you will start telling you how they think it should be and could even cause conflict, the two of you should be making these decisions on your own not with parents, friends or siblings...

counsiling may help you decide this, or speaking with the pastor or your church and priest of his church, prehapes the two can help you two come to a conclusion on the best way to go about this. Since this is a serious concern it would be worth it to come to a fair decision before the I-do's and babies come...

 
Old 09-12-2005, 06:36 AM   #6
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Re: catholic vs baptist wedding.

decided this is risky ground to be posting on and deleted.

Last edited by laurie864bla; 09-12-2005 at 12:04 PM.

 
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