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Old 09-11-2005, 04:13 PM   #1
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here4support HB User
Unhappy Not sure If my husband understands....

Hello all! I have been away for a while but I'm back again.

Anyway getting to the point of my thread.....I am finding myself in a situation and some of you may think nothing of it, but I'm having a difficult time with it. In May I started a new job. I was at my old job for 5 years, but they company was bought out and the office people were being let go. Before that happened, I found another job, which was a good thing....or so I thought.

From the moment I started this job I just have not felt like I fit in there. At my old job I had some friends that I made along the way and I know I was there for 5 years, but still......I've been here since May (about 4 months) and I still feel VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. The first week was really bad for me....I would cry and feel extremely depressed and my husband I just don't think he understands. I don't know what to do. It is so hard to find a good paying job and with our house payments and all our bills I need to make at least what I'm making now.

I think maybe some of you may have read my thread when I was saying how nervous I was going to be about starting, I posted in another forum, anyhow-I'm just not feeling like I fit in. The sad thing is, I like the job itself. I like what I do. I'm so confused, this has never happend to me before. I make friends easily and usually by now feel like there is at LEAST ONE person I can trust that I work with, but not this time.

I don't want to get myself all worked up and upset over this cause my husband just doesn't understand. He will say "Find another job" and it isn't all that easy. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm struggling. Tomorrow is Monday and I already have a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach...


Last edited by here4support; 09-11-2005 at 04:14 PM.

 
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Old 09-11-2005, 05:02 PM   #2
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

I've been there. Transferred to the insurance end of the bank after 7 yrs as a teller at a very friendly branch.

NO ONE SPOKE TO ME!

I swear to you that months went by and no one talked to me. I'd walk into the lunch room and not ONE person would look up and smile and wave me over. I quit eating lunch there I was so uncomfortable!
I'd pass people in the hallway and they wouldn't even LOOK at me for me to smile at them. I'd sneeze and no one would say Bless You or Gesundheit!

Well, like you I was used to pretty friendly places. I was sure they just all hated me.

Turns out that
A) The whole division was having internal problems.
Plus
B) The people in my little section had been TOLD not talk to me!! The reason it turns out was that there had been so much gossiping, backbiting, about one particular person that my supervisor didn't want me "poisoned" by all the mean talk.

Sure - instead, I felt like I had "Loser" written on my forehead!

It VERY slowly changed - but it took a conscious effort on my part to continue saying "Hi, good-morning, bless you, etc."
It would have helped more if I had more outside friends, or a class, or something.

Perhaps if you can try to think of this place as a spot to be pleasant & courteous - and then buckle down to the job. Say good-night, and put the day and the place behind you.
Look for outside sources for friendships - and assume that maybe there's something going on there that you are too new to be aware of.
Another job is an option when you've just had enough!

 
Old 09-11-2005, 08:47 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 190
Daphnee HB User
Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

Quote:
Originally Posted by here4support
Hello all! I have been away for a while but I'm back again.

Anyway getting to the point of my thread.....I am finding myself in a situation and some of you may think nothing of it, but I'm having a difficult time with it. In May I started a new job. I was at my old job for 5 years, but they company was bought out and the office people were being let go. Before that happened, I found another job, which was a good thing....or so I thought.

From the moment I started this job I just have not felt like I fit in there. At my old job I had some friends that I made along the way and I know I was there for 5 years, but still......I've been here since May (about 4 months) and I still feel VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. The first week was really bad for me....I would cry and feel extremely depressed and my husband I just don't think he understands. I don't know what to do. It is so hard to find a good paying job and with our house payments and all our bills I need to make at least what I'm making now.

I think maybe some of you may have read my thread when I was saying how nervous I was going to be about starting, I posted in another forum, anyhow-I'm just not feeling like I fit in. The sad thing is, I like the job itself. I like what I do. I'm so confused, this has never happend to me before. I make friends easily and usually by now feel like there is at LEAST ONE person I can trust that I work with, but not this time.

I don't want to get myself all worked up and upset over this cause my husband just doesn't understand. He will say "Find another job" and it isn't all that easy. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm struggling. Tomorrow is Monday and I already have a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach...

Hi here4support,

I know that feeling of uncomfortable, it can be a definate downer feeling like you are left out and last in line, but it will get easier. I think some people take longer to warm up to others, and if you don't right away you can be seen as aloof or stuck up. There is also the cliques at work that people have that are difficult to be part of.

I think you should just hang in there and just think to yourself that this is just another day to get through, and tell yourself you'll fake it until you make it. Maybe you could also use your body language to let others know you are open to talking to them. Sometimes we aren't even aware of the fact our body language is sending the wrong signals to the people around us.

Good luck and hang in there things will work out.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 05:36 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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here4support HB User
Talking Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

Ruth & Daphnee

Thanks!!! I appreciate your responses so much. I was hoping I'd get some sort of feedback here. The Healthboards have always seemed to help me in the past.

Ruth I so feel like what you were describing. When I first started I was saying hi to everyone and more then 1/2 the people didn't even take the time to respond. At lunch I'd go in the kitchen to heat up my food and there would be a "click" from the finance dept. in the lunch room and I'd always say "hi" to all of them, and I never could understand how they could all be SO RUDE as to not even say hi, NOT ONE OF THEM! Finally I stopped saying hello. I can't bare to take anymore rejection from them. I eat lunch at my desk or I leave.

Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but you both are right, and as far as leaving work at work.....it is a hard thing when u spend so much time there, but I am going to try that for sure. I just hate being new

Ruth it was nice to see a familar face here...not sure if you remembered me, but I remember u

 
Old 09-12-2005, 06:57 PM   #5
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,336
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

I certainly do remember you!! Just not what your other threads involved...
It's a clean slate with me and this ol' swiss-cheese-brain of mine!!
(but now that you mention it I'm going to go refresh my nonexistant memory - and I'll be asking about it all too!!)
Hugs,
Ruth

 
Old 09-13-2005, 04:08 PM   #6
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 754
here4support HB User
Unhappy Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

Well Ruth I had many a issues on here...LOL I'm sure you will find them all!

I went to work today, and still just don't feel great when I'm there. This week has been especially hard cause I am having to be in these training classes. Tomorrow is my last day in the classes, thank goodness. It is me and 13 guys! I hate it. I feel so uncomfortable being the only female, they get all dressed up and look all professional, it is very intimidating. They aren't the friendliest people either. *sigh*

I came home and started telling my husband about my day, but he kept his head deep in his word puzzle and didn't even bother to comment or look up. It only frustrates me more. I want to say to him so badly "Why don't you ever ask me about my day, or show some concern how my job is going" I know there isn't any point.

Men are so different then women, they don't care, they don't bring it home with them and they don't think twice about it. *sigh again*

 
Old 09-13-2005, 05:22 PM   #7
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Join Date: Oct 2004
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

Hi Hereforsupport!
You know, it's not just a "male response", what you're talking about. I had that same problem with my mother, believe it or not! She is the sweetest woman I know and I love her dearly, but I never felt like I could just really pour my heart out to her. I think she was just programmed differently than me. If I was confused about something, let's say a job, she'd say "Well look for a new job!". I'd then give her my reasoning for not doing that and she'd say "Then don't look for a new job". And we'd go back and forth- it was like there was no in-between and she couldn't comprehend my confusion. She meant well and truly made an effort to be loving and supportive, and I could sense her frustration that we seemed to collide in this way. The times when my mother was most helpful and supportive was when she'd just listen to me, and not offer any kind of solution or advice. Just sit there and listen.
Maybe your husband is frustrated that there's nothing he can do to help you, when all he really needs to do is listen. Tell him you're not asking him for the answers, or expecting him to help you out of this situation, all you want is for him to listen to you vent, and to know that he's on your side no matter what. It's a good possibility that the two of you have different ways of thinking, just the way my mother and I did. You can make the best of it. YOu know he loves you. He probably just feels pressure to help you in some way, and has no idea how. Communication is everything, so do your best to keep these skills at their best!
As far as the job, don't take it personally. Obviously you've done nothing wrong to these people, if you haven't even had a chance to have a conversation with any of them. I guess if I were you, I'd have to make it my priority to continue to smile and kindly greet these people no matter how many cold shoulders they give me. It would make me feel better knowing I was the happy person who didn't let them get me down. Plus, smiling and being friendly... even just smiling at an inanimate object... instantly improves your mood. Just turn the other cheek. If their poor attitudes continue, they have no one to blame but themselves and I'm sure they'll only feel worse.

 
Old 09-14-2005, 05:43 PM   #8
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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here4support HB User
Talking Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

Thanks littlerose, your post makes tons of sense!

 
Old 09-14-2005, 06:33 PM   #9
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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Lilly10 HB User
Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

Hi

I know exactly what you mean!! I work with a great bunch of girls and you know what without them I dont think I would even want to show up at all. If you dont feel comfortable and dont have anyone to share some office gossip or joke around together then it really makes things tough! I worked at a place once and it was the same way as you describe I made no friends which for me that is very uncommon I get along with most people. The people I worked with were just a bunch of lamos and they took things way to seriously. I am a firm believer that you must like the people you work around as you spend the entire day with them 5 days a week. Well I would see how things go and you may just make some friends yet. Is this place you work at cliquey? If after 6 months or so you still feel out of place and are unhappy I would perhaps see what else is out there it cant hurt to look.

As far as your husband I dont think guys care as much about these things as us but he could still lend you an ear when you need one. Let him know that it is hard for you to work at a place that makes you feel uncomfortable and that you just need to vent sometimes. Good luck

 
Old 09-15-2005, 05:00 PM   #10
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here4support HB User
Talking Re: Not sure If my husband understands....

Lilly10- hi

Your post also makes a lot of sense. Yes the people at my job are very clicky, which is why I don't picture myself being a part of that....its ok though I think I'm beginning to learn to just deal with it. I like the "job" itself so I just decided for now to go to work, do my thing, and know that I have friends outside of work and don't need any there....although it is nice to have a friend or two at the job.

Well I'm logging off to watch survivor!!!

Thanks for posting!

 
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