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Old 09-13-2005, 03:12 AM   #1
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alsaser HB User
Unhappy I'm a girl with a guy's problem

I have a lot going for me, I'm smart, fun, attractive, funny, good figure, I can be flirty when I want to. But guys just seem to want to be my friend. Guys love me, but I'm left in the "friend department". Isnt that usually what a guy would complain about? Or else they just want to sleep with me (ok, thats not a guy complaint). Isnt there anything else. What is wrong with me? I've never been in a long term relationship and I'm pushing 30! I look around and everyone has someone, but not me...ever. I do have my standards, but their perfectly reasonable. There are so many people in this world...how come no one wants to be in mine?

 
Old 09-13-2005, 04:42 AM   #2
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CancerDad HB User
Re: I'm a girl with a guy's problem

Alsaser:
The old adage, wait and love will come to you may work here. Maybe you are trying to hard. So what you're pushing 30. We all push some age? Don't get hung up on the long term relationship thing... maybe you just haven't found the right one worth navigating through the bumps and curve of a relationship with?

Do you have any girlfriends who can set you up? Or guy friends that say they have some one perfect for you. Let friends help out. Give it a try. Who knows, it just might work.

~CancerDad
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Old 09-13-2005, 05:10 AM   #3
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vespertine212 HB User
Re: I'm a girl with a guy's problem

First of all, it seems like you need to be sure you're working with men who are looking for long-term relationships. This generally means older men who have their lives together enough to know they want to settle down. Getting set up can be very helpful because you can be sure that the person you're dating is marriage-minded, or at least serious enough to keep you around for a while.

Secondly, be sure you're not doing things that push men away. Being too clingy or dramatic or insisting on commitment too soon are the cliche mistakes women make that keep the men they have sex with from wanting to stick around.

When you relate to men you're interested it, don't just be like a sister or mother. Learn how to flirt and increase sexual tension. This is relevant throughout a relationship, not just in the beginning. Also, the general rule is that the boy chases the girl. Even if you want to break the mold and do something like ask a guy out, you have to remember that in the course of relating with him you have to give the signals that you want more, and he has to explicitly make the moves to make that happen. Somehow this is just in keeping with male/female psychology, and not making a man chase you a bit may push him away.

If you have hobbies or interests in common the man you're with, that can be the cause of a greater bond. If the only thing you have is sex, a man may not be as interested.

Make sure you take care of yourself in terms of cleanliness and dress.

This stuff is hard! I feel for you. We live in a culture where casual sex is relatively easy for a man to find. It used to be that if you wanted a parter to have sex with you had to get married. The way things are make it so much easier for men who just want sex, and so much more difficult for women who want long-term relationships.

Good luck!

 
Old 09-13-2005, 06:12 AM   #4
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sandra2005 HB User
Re: I'm a girl with a guy's problem

hi alsaser..

i have to say i am in a relationship (and i dont mean to rub that in your face by the way) but i totally understand where you are coming from becuase this ALWAYS used to happen to me, and i hated it aswell....

anyway i know its probably useless advise that you are sick of hearing but i have to say it because it is absloutley true,

1= when you are not looking for a realtionship they come

2= do not try to hard, men love a chase, it makes us seem so much more appealing and try and play hard to get.

I had dozens of male ''friends'' untill i heard this advise and followed it and i found that it worked....

just remember that just because it seems like everyone around you is in a relationship they really are not because plenty of men and women have these problems...i realise that that doesnt hepl you that other people have the same probelms but you just have to remember that you are not alone...

i hope i helped you...

Sandra

 
Old 09-13-2005, 01:34 PM   #5
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SomeRandomDude HB User
Re: I'm a girl with a guy's problem

I can relate my friend, as I'm in the same boat, only difference is not only have I not met anyone t share my life with, due to being socially inept, I'm also still a virgin at nearly 26.

Please don't give up hope, as I've come close to doing on numerous occassions.

There is someone out there for you.... and when you find them, it just might have been worth the wait.

Last edited by SomeRandomDude; 09-13-2005 at 01:39 PM.

 
Old 09-13-2005, 02:12 PM   #6
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: I'm a girl with a guy's problem

Listen to SomeRandomdude!

I was 35 before I met & married the Right Guy. And you know what? I married my very best friend in the entire world!
So, 16 years later after others are complaining that the fireworks are gone - I STILL am married to my best friend.
And a best friend who doesn't cheat on me, who cares how I feel, who comes home to me every night, who loves me for who I am, who I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not with.

And yes - he will be worth the wait.
(Same goes for you "SRD"!!)

 
Old 09-13-2005, 11:19 PM   #7
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alsaser HB User
Re: I'm a girl with a guy's problem

Thanks to everyone for all your replies. You all made great points! I really appreciate it! Youre right, I'm not alone and it could happen...and it will be worth the wait. All the things everyone said to do/not to do, I've thought of (like I'm not clingy or pushy, I do let men chase me, I've been set up, ...etc). I'm certainly not too easy. I have deep convictions and I'm a virgin, waiting 'til I'm married...if that happens (maybe why some guys put me in the "friend zone"...good I dont want those guys anyway). RandomDude, no shame in being a virgin
Thanks again to everyone!

 
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