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Old 09-13-2005, 09:02 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: newcastle upon tyne, England
Posts: 74
liljo HB User
jealousy and sickening pain

i think this goes here,

i made a concouis and sober decision to engage in something with my boyfriend and a female friend so why am i sitting here at 4am in the morning feeling like some one rippped out my heart turned it inside out and replaced it

i enjoyed the experience it rocked
but lying there after with thoughts racing through my head was killin me, so i left the bed and here i am,

it was little things like
he used 2 speak 2 me like that
that was hurting and 2 see them curled up as if they were the couple and i the outsider stings

i dunno maybe im wrong in feeling like this because it was my choice but i didnt count on how much it owuld hurt emotionally

i just argh
i have 2 b dressed etc and ready to go 2 town tomoro and i want to just slit my wrists and watch the life drain out of me....

it hurts too much
__________________
smile it confuses ppl
luvz lil jo xxx

 
Old 09-14-2005, 07:15 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 148
Lilly10 HB User
Re: jealousy and sickening pain

Liljo,

Sometimes our sexual urges can take over at the moment and we are not thinking of how we will feel nor do we know how we will feel when it is all said and done. I have never shared in an expierence like yours but I think what you are feeling is normal given the situation. I would think twice before doing anything like this again as I feel that people you are in love with or share strong feelings for are not meant to be shared with anyone else. I would be crushed seeing my boyfriend and friend cuddled up together but not much you can do at this point. I just hope this does not break your relationship with these two people as sometimes these encounters change a lot of things. Please tell your boyfriend and friend how this made you feel and how you were not prepared for the after emotions that may help you feel a bit better

Last edited by Lilly10; 09-14-2005 at 07:17 AM.

 
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Old 09-14-2005, 07:17 AM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,240
Soulcatcher HB User
Re: jealousy and sickening pain

I agree. Sometimes once we go through with something it's too late. Hopefully he will respect you enough to never do this again and I hope the female stays her distance. Good luck

 
Old 09-14-2005, 04:33 PM   #4
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 69
rainy_daze HB User
Re: jealousy and sickening pain

These are the things that people fail to consider when they jump into a threesome. What we visualize in a fantasy does not always translate the same way into reality. This is definitely one of those situations where you can't tell how you might feel about something until it's too late.

For starters, realize what you're feeling right now is completely normal. This is why threesomes are considered suicide for many relationships. Your putting yourself in a situtation, which might be enjoyable, but will stir up insecurities and hurt feelings. You can't spoon 2 people at the same time, so someone always ends up as the third wheel.

You should discuss the issue with your boyfriend. Not accusingly, but let him know that even though you enjoyed the experience it caused too many negative emotions and you don't want to do it again. Hopefully the female friend is someone you can avoid in the future.

At the very least this will be a good life lesson.

 
Old 09-15-2005, 04:00 AM   #5
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Location: newcastle upon tyne, England
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liljo HB User
Re: jealousy and sickening pain

but i want to do it again :S does this make me isane, i enjoyed everything about the experience ewhile it was happening it was so cool, i havent discussed how i felt as such but when he woke up and we were getting dressed etc 2 head into town i stated that if there were to be a nnext time that i wanted lotsa hugs afterwards cos i missed them
and he sed ok next time i'll sleep in the middle + u can share me

i've lost the plot havent i?
__________________
smile it confuses ppl
luvz lil jo xxx

 
Old 09-15-2005, 05:37 AM   #6
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 518
mada_3083 HB User
Re: jealousy and sickening pain

Quote:
Originally Posted by liljo
but i want to do it again :S does this make me isane, i enjoyed everything about the experience ewhile it was happening it was so cool, i havent discussed how i felt as such but when he woke up and we were getting dressed etc 2 head into town i stated that if there were to be a nnext time that i wanted lotsa hugs afterwards cos i missed them
and he sed ok next time i'll sleep in the middle + u can share me

i've lost the plot havent i?
well i'm taking a different angle here. part of my history that almost happened taught me something

is your jealousy because of what happened, or how your boy was cuddling up with the other girl?

if it's the emotional intimacy (the most dangerous kind), and you both really want to do this again, talk to your boy (can you both be honest). see if this has confused his feelings for you..

then if your relationship is still strong, and you do choose to try this again, BEFORE the event, before the other partner is even chosen, discuss your groundrules... cover things like boundaries, like what your both comfortable with i.e. what he can do to her (if him doing oral is a special thing between you two, save it for you two only), what you can do with her, whether or not you expect equal or more attention from him during the event... how things are to go when they get wrapped up... i.e. state that you want him to be showing you the "afterglow" affection. also make sure you both agree that if someone isn't comfortable, all people will stop, not just the one that isn't comfortable. have a "bail out word" so that either of you can say it, and you both know to stop.

you might also consider doing this with someone your not really close with, so if things get strange, you aren't losing a long term friendship by distancing you and your boyfriend from her.

as much as my advice reads like a "how to make it work" realise that your playing with very powerful emotions, and treading a fine line... many people end relationships over this stuff, but a few add to the spice with no ill effects... it takes loyalty, trust, and a distinct set of boundaries

 
Old 09-15-2005, 05:38 AM   #7
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 518
mada_3083 HB User
Re: jealousy and sickening pain

Quote:
Originally Posted by liljo
but i want to do it again :S does this make me isane, i enjoyed everything about the experience ewhile it was happening it was so cool, i havent discussed how i felt as such but when he woke up and we were getting dressed etc 2 head into town i stated that if there were to be a nnext time that i wanted lotsa hugs afterwards cos i missed them
and he sed ok next time i'll sleep in the middle + u can share me

i've lost the plot havent i?
well i'm taking a different angle here. part of my history that almost happened taught me something

is your jealousy because of what happened, or how your boy was cuddling up with the other girl?

if it's the emotional intimacy (the most dangerous kind), and you both really want to do this again, talk to your boy (can you both be honest). see if this has confused his feelings for you..

then if your relationship is still strong, and you do choose to try this again, BEFORE the event, before the other partner is even chosen, discuss your groundrules... cover things like boundaries, like what your both comfortable with i.e. what he can do to her (if him doing oral is a special thing between you two, save it for you two only), what you can do with her, whether or not you expect equal or more attention from him during the event... how things are to go when they get wrapped up... i.e. state that you want him to be showing you the "afterglow" affection. also make sure you both agree that if someone isn't comfortable, all people will stop, not just the one that isn't comfortable. have a "bail out word" so that either of you can say it, and you both know to stop.

you might also consider doing this with someone your not really close with, so if things get strange, you aren't losing a long term friendship by distancing you and your boyfriend from her.

as much as my advice reads like a "how to make it work" realise that your playing with very powerful emotions, and treading a fine line... many people end relationships over this stuff, but a few add to the spice with no ill effects... it takes loyalty, trust, and a distinct set of boundaries

 
Old 09-15-2005, 05:38 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 518
mada_3083 HB User
Re: jealousy and sickening pain

Quote:
Originally Posted by liljo
but i want to do it again :S does this make me isane, i enjoyed everything about the experience ewhile it was happening it was so cool, i havent discussed how i felt as such but when he woke up and we were getting dressed etc 2 head into town i stated that if there were to be a nnext time that i wanted lotsa hugs afterwards cos i missed them
and he sed ok next time i'll sleep in the middle + u can share me

i've lost the plot havent i?
well i'm taking a different angle here. part of my history that almost happened taught me something

is your jealousy because of what happened, or how your boy was cuddling up with the other girl?

if it's the emotional intimacy (the most dangerous kind), and you both really want to do this again, talk to your boy (can you both be honest). see if this has confused his feelings for you..

then if your relationship is still strong, and you do choose to try this again, BEFORE the event, before the other partner is even chosen, discuss your groundrules... cover things like boundaries, like what your both comfortable with i.e. what he can do to her (if him doing oral is a special thing between you two, save it for you two only), what you can do with her, whether or not you expect equal or more attention from him during the event... how things are to go when they get wrapped up... i.e. state that you want him to be showing you the "afterglow" affection. also make sure you both agree that if someone isn't comfortable, all people will stop, not just the one that isn't comfortable. have a "bail out word" so that either of you can say it, and you both know to stop.

you might also consider doing this with someone your not really close with, so if things get strange, you aren't losing a long term friendship by distancing you and your boyfriend from her.

as much as my advice reads like a "how to make it work" realise that your playing with very powerful emotions, and treading a fine line... many people end relationships over this stuff, but a few add to the spice with no ill effects... it takes loyalty, trust, and a distinct set of boundaries

 
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