Re: Issues with a fairly new relationship
How far away is she? How old are you both and what are your relationship histories? It does sound like there are a lot of obstacles in your path considering how short a time you've known each other, so while I think it's great that you're so patient and supportive, I also would try your hardest not to get ahead of yourself or get your hopes up that this will turn out happily ever after. I'm not saying it won't happen, and I certainly wish you all the best, but I'd hate to see you be disappointed by unrealistic expectations. Long distance relationships face much tougher odds than do other relationships, and the same is true of people who are recovering alcoholics and who are recently divorced, so when you consider all that combined with her reticence to commit to dating only one person, there are a lot of factors working against you. My advice would be to give her as much time and space as she needs--if things are meant to be between you two, it will happen, but the more you press or force things, the less likely they are to work out. I'd also suggest agreeing that you both can date other people (but you could still keep your rule about not having sex with other people, though I think that's a bit premature after being together only once and only spending a few days together all in all in person), as it just seems premature to agree on being exclusive with someone who isn't all that enthusiastic about the arrangement, not to mention someone with all those personal issues, not to mention someone who doesn't even live close enough so you can see her regularly. It just seems like a lot to take on, and I worry that you are already ahead of yourself and in a bit too deep here--I'd just hate to see you get overly attached and end up hurt if one of the substantial obstacles facing you as a couple ends up being too much to overcome. I really think it'd be best to back off, be free to date other people, and take your time getting to know each other (you have to spend time in person too if you really want to know someone) before getting so serious so quickly. That can be the kiss of death for any new relationship, but particularly in your case, I think you'd both be happiest and better off in the long run if you proceed slowly and cautiously without expecting more than a casual dating relationship at this point. I really hope that everything works out great for you, whether with this woman or not, and I think the best chances of that happening will be if you both back off, slow down, give each other more freedom, and just be patient about seeing what develops over time...remember that there is no reason to jump into anything before you're both 100% ready and comfortable, as this can cause even relationships with amazing potential to burn out early. You sound like a great guy--good luck and best wishes!