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Old 09-14-2005, 10:54 PM   #1
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Is she trying to get back together?

Me and my ex brokeup about 2 weeks ago, and we haven't seen each other in about a month now. We were together for a month, and was talking for about 2 months.

After the breakup, We didn't talk much, but then when I was online, she would start talking to me a little to make sure I was okay, but we didn't talk much.

However, we started talking more and more online... and one night, she called me out of the blue and we talked for 45 mins. Latly, we've been talking on the phone, and tonight we talked for 1 hour 15 mins.

Her lifestyle has also changed A LOT. While we were dating, she had no job, and wasn't really looking. However, now, She applied at a bunch of different places, and she's also running every morning now.

Tonight on the phone she was asking how long it was since we broke up (she broke up with me) and she was also saying that she's been wanting to go back out to eat (she didn't say anything about us) at the same resturent we went to on our first date.

She made it pretty clear a while back that we would never get back together, but latly, she's been calling and talking to me more.

Could she be trying to get back together, or just trying to be friends or just want's someone to talk to?

Thanks

 
Old 09-14-2005, 11:09 PM   #2
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

Hi Mike, I hope you are doing well. I'm a little concerned why you are asking this question, because I really hope you're not even remotely considering getting back together with this girl when you can do SOOOO much better. You'd be best off not talking to her anymore and risking letting her suck you back into her selfish, leechy world...honestly, to me her motive is most likely that she's missing having someone around to take her out and pay for her to eat at her favorite restaurant. And even if she is wanting to get back together, it really shouldn't matter because you are a million times better off without her. She is one of those people who will take all they can get, and people like that never really change no matter how impressive a facade they put up. Please, for your own good, either cut off all communication with her or keep your contact with her on a purely platonic level and do not spend another cent on her--from what I understand you need all your money to help with your own financial obligations, right? I bet she'll move on fast once she sees you're not interested in doing all the sacrificing and giving and spending while she acts all conflicted and lazy. Seriously Mike, you really need to move on and find someone willing to have an equal relationship between mature, responsible adults that progresses at a reasonable, sustainable pace. I wish you all the best of luck in dating...and I'm sure you will do well as long as you steer far clear of your ex!

 
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Old 09-14-2005, 11:42 PM   #3
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

I do not want to get back together with her... I'm much happier without her, and honestly, I don't really miss her all that much, However, I do miss having someone to do stuff on the town with, since I have a very limited amount of friends.

I've had a lot of problems in the past finding the right girl, or if I did find the "right" girl, she wouldn't be interested in me.

I also had someone tell me a while back that I cannot be too shallow because for one, I'm very short for a guy, I'm 5'4, which is a big turnoff to most women, I'm a little overweight, and I'm starting to loose hair already, and I'm 21. So I can't be too picky.

I feel that I'm not picky, I just want a girl that does work (I don't even care if it's fast food, at least she is trying to make a living instead of sitting at home) and that's attractive to me. I don't care if she doesn't have a college education or the best job... just as long as she is out there working, and is attractive to me.

I don't want to get back with this girl... and right now, I'm happy being single. I know the type of girl I want, I just can't find that girl.

Right now, Another Relationship is in the back of my mind... I have my mind right now on finding a better job, and I have also been thinking about the military a lot latly as well.

 
Old 09-14-2005, 11:57 PM   #4
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

In that case, I'd stick to hanging out and going out with your friends to avoid any sticky entanglements...I just have a feeling this girl is bad news and looking to suck you back in to doing whatever she wants. While it's true that you may not be able to be extremely selective physically, you're definitely not asking too much to find a girl who supports herself and gives as much as she takes while in a relationship (not to mention a girl who won't try to lure you into marriage counseling after dating for a month). I've had great experiences personally with online dating, but it can be shallow there when it comes to physical appearances just as the real world can...still, I think there are a lot of girls out there who are looking for an honest, loyal, kind, and hard-working man who would love to scoop you up if your personalities clicked. I think I might have said something when I was Snails along the lines that you should make sure not to be shallow when dating, just meaning that people usually end up with partners who are at a similar level of attractiveness. I've found throughout life that a lot of guys who aren't amazing looking make the mistake of only going after extremely beautiful women who have all the options in the world, then end up disappointed and alone while there are lots of attractive but maybe not conventionally stunning women who they'd have great connections with right under their nose. It's worth keeping an open mind when it comes to appearance if you want a woman to do the same for you...

Last edited by eaglesgirl37; 09-14-2005 at 11:59 PM.

 
Old 09-15-2005, 12:22 AM   #5
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

Thanks :-)

I hate my physical appearence, and I do feel Intimidated when I'm around most avarage guys (like 5 ' 7). I also feel Intimidated when I'm around girls taller than me.. It makes me feel like I'm only a few inchs tall :-(

I don't think I'm picky when it comes to physical looks... I just like a girl who is about my height, and not really heavy set. I don't mind overweight, but there's a point where it really bothers me.

Now, There is a girl at work, and I've been thinking about asking her on a date for months now. She's a little overweight, but not to the point where it really bothers me. The only thing that does bother me is our difference in reglion.

From what I seen of her, She is a nice girl and we have talked a few times.

However, Part of her doesn't seem anything like my type, but then again, I also feel I don't know her that well and cannot judge.

She came into work one night dressed up like she was out on a date (which I found out later it wasn't) and she really cought my eye... I didn't even know it was her, and was like "wow"

I might ask her out just for the heck of it one day.. It Couldn't Hurt.

 
Old 09-15-2005, 12:29 AM   #6
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

Try to focus on all your positive, admirable qualities rather than things you aren't crazy about but can't change. You have a lot to offer a girl and this girl at work sounds like an interesting prospect--I think you should definitely give it a shot and ask her out! Why not, it's not like you work in a small office where it'd be really weird if she says no or if it doesn't go well. I think it might boost your confidence and be really good for you to go out and have a fun time with another girl just to officially mark the end of your relationship with the last girl. Good for you for getting back out there and staying positive and optimistic...I have no doubt it won't be long until there is a great girl in your life that we're all happy to hear about .

 
Old 09-15-2005, 03:53 AM   #7
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

i think its 'natural' for a couple to want to get back together sometimes, even the one who did the splitting. I have hooked back up with a couple of my boyfriends after we have broken up, i dont know why that happens.

It turned out successful for me, The guy i am now engaged to we dated twice one year before we "offically" got back together. It was about a week here and two weeks there then a year passed and I stayed single as did he, we started hanging ou and things changed between us I felt something I didnt feel before....now look haha...

 
Old 09-15-2005, 05:31 AM   #8
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

I agree with Stacy, she's probably only contacting you because she misses going out for dinner.

One does not "CHANGE A LOT" in a month! I wish I had a nickel for every time one of my exes or my nephew's girlfriend said they have "changed"... yeah, for about two seconds, until they get you back. Then it's back to their same old ways. How do you know she's really been looking for jobs? She's probably telling you what you want to hear.

This girl probably senses your insecurity and fear that you'll "never find anyone" so she figures you'll be thrilled to have her back. Don't give her the satisfaction. You don't need her.

 
Old 09-15-2005, 06:42 PM   #9
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

She called eairly this morning, twice trying to get me to answer. She left a voicemail the 2nd time asking me to call her.

So I did call her, and eventually, she said she wanted us to have lunch, she said "I figured you needed to give that new credit card a test run" (I just got a new card which I am only using for emergencies)

I told her I would think about it, and that was that. I'm "supposed" to call her tommorrow to set the plans... but I'm not.

See, now this is what makes me sick! She basicly called and pushed herself on me to get a free meal.

NO THANKS!

I don't want to even talk to her anymore, but this morning, she was going on and on.. and one of the things she was saying was that she always like to stay friends with her ex's.

No Thank You... I'm not about to get myself all ran over again.

 
Old 09-15-2005, 06:57 PM   #10
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

Ask the new girl out. Don't sell yourself short, you sound like a nice young man.

I can't stop thinking about the cough drop incident every time I read one of your posts! Sorry, but the old girlfriend is just going to make you so miserable again.

Maybe you could change your number?

 
Old 09-16-2005, 12:45 AM   #11
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

I have thought about changing my phone number, but I recently applied for a bunch of new jobs and expecting phone calls now :-\ So I'm Stuck. I could just ignore her phone calls, and stop returning phone calls.

My phone has been ringing off the hook today, I finnally had enough and just turned it off... first time I've done that, I usually just leave it on.

Even if I did get her off the phone, she'd still email me and IM me online :-\ I'm stuck.

I'll just brush her off until she gets the messege, and if not, I'll just tell her I don't want to be friends.

 
Old 09-16-2005, 10:08 AM   #12
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by M1K3L
I have thought about changing my phone number, but I recently applied for a bunch of new jobs and expecting phone calls now :-\ So I'm Stuck. I could just ignore her phone calls, and stop returning phone calls.

My phone has been ringing off the hook today, I finnally had enough and just turned it off... first time I've done that, I usually just leave it on.

Even if I did get her off the phone, she'd still email me and IM me online :-\ I'm stuck.

I'll just brush her off until she gets the messege, and if not, I'll just tell her I don't want to be friends.
ok i know it's difficult but you CAN cut all contact. i don't know of an IM program that doesn't allow you to block users... or change your user login, and just message all your friends you want to keep in contact with with the old username... emails can be blocked or set to auto delete.

and if the phonecalls get that bad, tell her that she is harrassing you, and then talk to the phone company... they could block her number, or you could even get yourself a new number, and contact all the jobs that you applied for... that would also show to the job places that your keen, and responsible (taking the time to keep them informed) and will put your name in the back of their minds when it comes hiring time

almost everyone that goes through a breakup says "i'm getting sick of the calls, but i can't do anything about it... because they like the attention the ex is giving them

 
Old 09-16-2005, 10:59 AM   #13
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cinting HB User
Re: Is she trying to get back together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piranna65
i think its 'natural' for a couple to want to get back together sometimes, even the one who did the splitting. I have hooked back up with a couple of my boyfriends after we have broken up, i dont know why that happens.

It turned out successful for me, The guy i am now engaged to we dated twice one year before we "offically" got back together. It was about a week here and two weeks there then a year passed and I stayed single as did he, we started hanging ou and things changed between us I felt something I didnt feel before....now look haha...
Hi Piranna65. I am just curious..if you don't care to share, did you or the guy you are engaged to ever date other people while you were broke up? I have something going on in my life that I am really depressed about, so I guess I just want to hear triumphant stories.

 
Old 09-16-2005, 11:18 AM   #14
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

well, before going to the lengths of changing phone numbers and user id's, I would suggest gathering up the nerve to tell her that you don't want to be friends, you don't really want to spend time with her, that you just want to end your relationship completely. I know, Mike, that you aren't a fan of just telling it like it is esp. when it requires standing up for yourself, but that would be a logical first step. She may just not "get it" that you don't want to talk to her. Some people are that dense. If after that she still doesn't stop contacting you, that's when you might consider those other options. But don't leave her any room for misunderstanding or taking things the wrong way--just outright say something like "Unlike you, I don't like to remain friends with my exes, and I would like for us to go our separate ways and not keep in contact anymore."

 
Old 09-16-2005, 04:55 PM   #15
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Re: Is she trying to get back together?

Mada is right, you can block her from all three. But Redsox has the better idea in telling her straight out that you are not interested.

You know, she told you she applied for some jobs,but she didn't get one yet. So really nothing has changed. Good for her that she is jogging every morning, but that isn't going to stop her control freak attitude, is it? She called you and the first thing she said was "Let's charge something on your new for-emergencies-only-credit-card" which says she is determined to get you to use it no matter what!

Next time she calls, answer the phone and politely tell her what is suggested in the above post. No need for nastiness, just a polite goodbye will do.

Stay strong Mike! And ask that new girl out!!!

 
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