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Old 09-15-2005, 02:07 AM   #1
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tamsynn HB User
how bad is a kiss?please help..running out of time..

hi i have a huge problem and i really need advice from anyone who can help...

i have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years and just lately we havent been getting on very well at all on we had a big fight and kind of split up and i kisseed someone else(it didnt mean anything) now we are back together and through some strange situation (its far too long ot explain!) i have to tell him now otherwise someone else is going to tell him, i am going to see him in 3 days and i dont know what to say to him, i really need some advice.....please...

before this happened i was thinking i actualy wanted to break up with him but now that i know it probably isnt my decision anymore because he is going to break up with me as soon as he finds out about this,it has made me realise just how much i really do love him,i cant imagine what i would do without him, he means so much to me and i am truly sorry for what i did.
Just to give a bit of background he cheated on me before, (twice that i know of) and he actually slept with another person and although it really upset me we are still together,

Basically i just want to know what you all think i should say to him?
how should i approach this?

what do you think his reaction will be?
obviusley he will be really upset,but i am wondering should i remind him that he cheated on me before and that what he did wasnt just a kiss and i took him back??

Thankyou all in advance for any advice you have for me, i am at my witts end here...i really need ANYONES opinion..

Last edited by tamsynn; 09-15-2005 at 06:37 AM.

 
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Old 09-15-2005, 03:50 AM   #2
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

ur sorry you kissed another guy? which is worse, him cheating on you or you showing affection for another guy? there's no comparison here!! ur willing to forgive and forget while he's going to make you feel like crap for kissing another guy? hate to tell you this, but he's going to cheat on you AGAIN, because you're about to give him a reason to...

perhaps you should reconsider staying together and instead ask for a cool off period, or tell him you don't want to be exclusive anymore.

knotty

 
Old 09-15-2005, 04:24 AM   #3
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

i understand what u are saying but things have changed since he cheated on me ..he has changed, i know that sounds like a ''line'' but its not..i love this guy with all my heart and i honestely never meant to hurt him, that is the last thing i would ever want to do. the kiss i had didnt mean anything,it was a stupid mistake, i wasnt trying to show affection for him it was just a mistake and i have never cheated on him before...
have you any ideas on how i should approach this?what should i say?
i know no-one here knows us but i am wondering do you think it is possible he will forgive me?i know he will be really upset and has every right to be but is it fair to say that because he has cheated on me before that i should be forgiven because after all it was onlya kiss....?

Last edited by tamsynn; 09-15-2005 at 04:26 AM.

 
Old 09-15-2005, 04:25 AM   #4
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

tamsynn-

It sounds like this isnt love but lust. You dont cheat if you 'love' someone. Knowing your boyfriend has cheated on you twice (not knowing if there is more)I would have a hard time trusting him. Why would you want to stay with this guy anyway if he doesnt respect you?

At least when you kissed another person it was when the two of you were actually 'split' and it's not near as bad what he has done to you. I'll have to agree with knotme here as well, he's going to cheat again especially when he hears you kissed another guy. And if things go as he would like he can always tell you "well you kissed some dude."

I'd re-think wanting to continue a relationship with him. Cheating twice vs. a simple kiss while you were 'seperated' i dont know who gets the better deal here...

 
Old 09-15-2005, 04:29 AM   #5
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamsynn
i understand what u are saying but things have changed since he cheated on me ..he has changed, i know that sounds like a ''line'' but its not..i love this guy with all my heart and i honestely never meant to hurt him, that is the last thing i would ever want to do.
have you any ideas on how i should approach this?what should i say?
i know no-one here knows us but i am wondering do you think it is possible he will forgive me?i know he will be really upset and has every right to be but is it fair to say that because he has cheated on me before that i should be forgiven because after all it was onlya kiss....?

Personally I dont believe one can change, as im sure you will hear others say. And you never ment to hurt him? Did he mean to not hurt you when he cheated on you not once but twice (again that you know of)??? It seems to me he's a big time taker and you give all you have in this relationship.

How should you approach telling him? How about the same way he told you he cheated on you (if he was the one to tell you)? That would seem like the fair way to me. Is it possible he will forgive you! Sweetie if he doesnst then he's a hipacrit! It's 'okay' for him to cheat but you kiss...kiss another person during a split and he's going to hold it agains you to the point he leaves you, then he isnt worth you time!

Last edited by Piranna65; 09-15-2005 at 04:31 AM. Reason: fixed

 
Old 09-15-2005, 04:30 AM   #6
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

hi pirannah 65, i undersatnd what you are saying and i appriciate your reply but since he cheated on me things have changed in our relationship, alot of things..
this was an honest misteke and i never meant to hurt him and i do love him with all my heart,im going out of my mind here wondering what will happen when i tell him....
have you any ideas on how i should approach this? do you think i deserve to be dumped because of this?

Tam

 
Old 09-15-2005, 04:39 AM   #7
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Piranna65 HB User
Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamsynn
hi pirannah 65, i undersatnd what you are saying and i appriciate your reply but since he cheated on me things have changed in our relationship, alot of things..
this was an honest misteke and i never meant to hurt him and i do love him with all my heart,im going out of my mind here wondering what will happen when i tell him....
have you any ideas on how i should approach this? do you think i deserve to be dumped because of this?

Tam

I know I dont understand how you think things have changed. And I know what you are saying, you kissed another guy while the two of you were on a 'break' you technically were not with him when this happened?! So it was an 'okay' mistake to make!

I just cant understand how your so bent out of shape of hurting him when you technically were not with him when this happened. It seems to me that you have more love for him then he does for you.

My idea in my last post was to approach him the same way he told you he had cheated. It would perfectly fair if you told him the way he told you. That would seem like the easiest way.

Truthfully he shouldnt be that upset since you two wernt technically together at that time.....

 
Old 09-15-2005, 04:41 AM   #8
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

thanks you actually makea alot of sense. i found out myself that he cheated on me and i confronted him and forced him to admit it..
things have changed.
just because he cheated on me i dont think that he deserves for me to just dismiss what i did, i know its not even a fraction as bad as what he did but just because he cheated on me doesnt mean i cam just do it back to him.
i am sitting here just crying i dont want to loose him......this is the end now for us i know it is....i want to tellhim because it seems inevitable that he will find out and would rather it came from me than someone else.
do u think i am being unreasonabe expecting him to forgive me?

 
Old 09-15-2005, 04:46 AM   #9
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

Well good for you for wanting to come clean and honest with him right away. Sadly tamsynn I think of he leaves you because of something so minor that it's petty and rude of him. If he has changed, is it at all possible to think he has changed enough to let this go?

No, I do not think it is unreasonable for you to expect him to forgive you. I know him cheating on you in the past doest make this okay. But he should be a bit understanding to what happened.

Are you sure this is the type of relationship you want tamsynn? I mean it sounds like the two of you have had a bumpy past with cheating and now this. Truthfully i think it would be foolish of him to leave you because of a kiss, I would remind him that you two were 'seperated' when this happened.

 
Old 09-15-2005, 06:05 AM   #10
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tamsynn HB User
Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

Pirannah65, ok well yes technically in my mind we were broken up and even the next day (after the kiss) he called me and we just fought over the phone then only 2 days ago we made up,but we never actually said ''oh thats it, we are finished forever''
at the end of the day i love him with all my heart and i dont want to give up on our relationship, i know i probably sound stupid but i just love him so much

 
Old 09-15-2005, 07:22 AM   #11
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

i know you cant help love. but i hope for your sake he is just as fair on you as you were on him when you tell him... let us know

 
Old 09-15-2005, 07:53 AM   #12
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

I'm sorry... maybe I missed something here.
You had split up.
You kiss a guy (that's it? a short kiss? long kiss? were you drunk?).
You get back together with the old boyfriend.
Now you're a cheater? You're ready to put a sack over your head & throw yourself overboard?

I don't know how old you are, but someday you'll be able to put this in perspective.
Cheating is when your married husband has an affair with the 25 yr old at work & leaves you and the children.
Cheating is when your husband gets picked up in the local park for certain unheterosexual activities.
Cheating is when you come home from a hard day at the office a little early & find your wife in bed with another man.

You had split up. You kissed a guy.
A) No one's business
B) Don't be so hard on yourself!
c) Rethink whether you're in the right relationship if you're breaking up with this guy from time to time. Just because you love him doesn't mean the relationship will be successful!
MommaRuth

 
Old 09-15-2005, 08:04 AM   #13
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tamsynn HB User
Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

pirannah65, thankyou for your support, i wasnt easyon him about it, i gave hima very hard time but i am still his gf so hopefully he wont want to change that..
i will let you know what happpens, keep ur fingers crossed for me!

thanks again..

 
Old 09-15-2005, 08:13 AM   #14
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tamsynn HB User
Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

hi ruth 6:11

we had a fight and then i presumed we had split up and i was drunk and kissed another man.
He called me a couple of days later and we made up, it was cheating, i kissed another man,

i have to tell him now and i am afraid he is going to end our relationship..this whole mess has made me see how very much i do love him...more than anything in fact.

i know he loves me i just dont know if he will be able to forgive me for this....god ihope he can i dont know what i would do without him........we have so many plans and i want him to be part of my life forever....

i am 21 by the way and i know you will probably say i will have plenty of relationships as i grow up but i want this one more than anything..

i have never cheated on him before and never will again, do you think he will be able to see how truly sorry i am?

i am just so worried about how he will react....

 
Old 09-15-2005, 09:05 AM   #15
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Re: how bad is a kiss...really?

you are being overly hard on yourself here. you are sweating bullets for nothing. I know you are considering this 'cheating' but in all honesty it wasnt, you have to understand that what you did isnt the end of the world and certainly should not be the end of your relationship, if your b/f thinks this is grounds for a split up then shame on him because of what he has put you through.

Ruth is right, just like ive been saying you wernt really with him at the time. Do you really think he didnt do anything during the duration you two were split for a few days? And do you really trust him fully 100% since the past cheating inncidents.

Tamsynn, just try not to fret and worry so much. You are in a relationship with a guy who should understand (given the past circumstances) Like I said before it would be hipacrital of him to drop you like a lost cause when you stayed with him through two cheating moments....

Just talk to him, approach him let him know it happened while you were split, it was a simple kiss it wasnt like you went home with the guy and had a one night stand, if he cant understand this and wont continue a relationship with you then he's looking for anything to end it (would be my opinion)he may surprise you and be a bit upset then turn around and say it's alright....

The way you are worrying though isnt heatlhy and you should speak with him asap it will get this off of your chest...

 
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