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Old 09-15-2005, 04:57 PM   #1
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Unhappy My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

My husband is a great guy.. He's been working some over time lately and getting up about 4:55am to get to work by 6am and then works till about 4 or 4:30pm M-F. He's been real tired. I can understand that, but it is starting to get to me.

I understand we need the money and I know why he is doing this...but we are also trying to start a family and the man is ALWAYS TIRED. There are only certain times during the month that you can get pregnant as a woman....and we usually don't have sex on those days. I try not to put pressure on him about it, but I just wanna know why, when I kiss him he lays in the chair w/his eyes closed and acts all tired (he probably is) and I talk to him and he doesn't listen....or respond...

Does anyone have any suggestions??? I'm at a loss


 
Old 09-15-2005, 06:07 PM   #2
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Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

You've heard some people say that "everything happens for a reason?"
I'm not sure if I totally believe that, but look at your situation from another standpoint.
What IF you were to get pregnant while your husband is working overtime? You'd be stuck doing EVERYthing, without even any relief when your husband would get home from work.
If a tired man can't make a baby, maybe its because he'd be too tired to be a Father to a new baby...
Maybe this is happening this way for a reason right now.
Maybe when it's the right time for a baby it will just kind of happen rather than having to try to force something that (as far as I know without Viagra) will not happen!!

Don't forget, you and he ARE a family - of two. Make the most of it & support him while he's working so hard to provide for his family!

 
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Old 09-15-2005, 06:58 PM   #3
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Music4All HB User
Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

What does he say when you have this conversation with him?

 
Old 09-15-2005, 07:05 PM   #4
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Daphnee HB User
Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

My advice is to let him have that nap because he definately needs it with those kinds of hours. Also schedule some sort of romantic time if you and I know its not easy in your situation. Take care and hope you have brighter days together!!!

 
Old 09-15-2005, 07:13 PM   #5
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Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

Hate to say it, but could "tired" mean other things? Is there something emotional going on that makes him want to distance himself? Is he no longer attracted to you? Is there - sorry - someone else?

As a man, I can say that in past relationships, I've turned down sex because I lost interest in the person I was with. I've made excuses that were polite so as not to hurt their feelings, but thats really what was happening. Sometimes it's difficult to remain attracted to the same person, even a very good looking person, for long periods of time.

Good luck!

 
Old 09-15-2005, 08:39 PM   #6
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Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

I had the same reaction as the last poster...have things always been this way? Are there other problems or issues in your marriage? I know some people don't think sex is very important in a relationship or indicative of the overall state of a relationship, but I don't agree. To me, it's naive to think that a sudden decline in one partner's interest in sex signifies problems that go far beyond sex, and not to alarm you, but I'd definitely be concerned in your shoes. Many people work hard and grueling hours but very few people who are feeling genuine affection, love, and passion for their partners let ANYTHING get in the way of sex. It sounds like he might be losing interest in you physically, which is an issue I think you should try to discuss, address, and hopefully resolve. I know that some people just aren't very interested in sex or have mental issues that interfere with a healthy sex drive, but if this is not the way he's always been, then the decline is most likely due to some issues in the relationship that are causing him to feel less affectionate and passionate toward you. Don't let him just keep using the "I'm tired" excuse, as I have yet to meet a man who lets sleep get in the way of sex more than very rarely when he has a partner he's enthusiastic about sleeping with. Maybe you guys just need to add some variety and excitement to your sex life? It definitely sounds like there's a problem here with him losing interest or feeling emotionally detached--this doesn't seem like the behavior of a happy man who feels content in his marriage and amorous toward his wife. I hope you are able to talk this out, figure out what's bothering him, and get back on track toward a sex life that you both find satisfying, stimulating, exciting, and fulfilling. Hopefully that will soon lead to a beautiful little baby for you! But in the meantime, I'd suggest taking this seriously rather than ignoring the problem or sweeping it under the rig just because it may be hurtful or embarrassing to have a discussion about remedying the problem.

 
Old 09-16-2005, 05:39 AM   #7
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Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

I agree.
6 am-4pm is really not an abnormal working day that would leave such a huge requirement for sleep. I work 7-4, which is only an hour more and sometimes I will work until 10pm and have to be at work at 7 the next morning. But when I get home at 10:30, I always am sure to show plenty of affection and intimacy to my man. What hours do you work? I know you had posted about him showing disinterest in your work problems just a few days ago, so based on that I'm starting to wonder if the problems do run deeper. He's showing a lack of interest in you and your day, and he's also showing a lack of interest in affection and intimacy.
I don't think you should jump to any conclusions suggesting there's someone else just yet. The important thing to focus on right now is your communication skills with your husband. You have to get him talking. Make him comfortable and let him vent to you. Ask him how his day was, and if he mentions something about a hectic task at work, as him for details about it! It's also important to show an interest in what your husband's work day consists of just in case you do develop a suspicion that there's someone else. The majority of affairs are with someone at the work place. Be sure you know names of the people he works with and ask plenty of details about his day! In addition to giving you a good defense, it also makes him feel special and important and allows him to vent to you... therefore improving communication skills. He's got to feel like he can talk to you. Or else you risk him needing to feel like he has to find someone else he can talk to.
The conversations about his work day will open the doors to communication and get it flowing, that way he's more likely to feel safe and comfortable talking to you about deeper things that might be bothering him.

 
Old 09-16-2005, 06:28 AM   #8
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Post Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

Hi and thanks for the replies

First I'd like to clear a few things up.....I'm about 99% positive he didn't lose interest in me. A few things I should have said b4. He has always been the one that isn't as sexual in the relationship. Also, he is diabetic and it affects him sexually due to his meds. Second, we talked about having a baby and he wants to. I didn't force this upon him. Everytime we do have sex he says "Wonder if we made a baby" or something like that. He is excited to be a father and I know he'd be agreat one!

He is extra tired because his job is physical. He doesn't sit behind a desk all day. He is in a warehouse lifting heavy pails and moving large drums full of product. It is a hands on job that requires a lot of him physically.

I don't know if this helps to clear things up, but for the posters that were insinuating that he doesn't want to have sex cause he isn't attracted to me I just don't think that is true......

 
Old 09-16-2005, 08:01 AM   #9
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Talking Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

Just an update, my husband just called me (on his lunch hour) and told me "are you ovulating today" He wanted to know if we could have sex tonight and tomorrow! LOL I know he is still attracted.....

 
Old 09-16-2005, 08:09 AM   #10
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Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

Hey Here4support! That's great that he's enthusiastic about having kids!!
I didn't mean to insinuate that he's not attracted to you. I don't remember saying that... But more like there's a deeper issue that you need to get at with him. Something you need him to open up to you about. Maybe stress at his job, or something else. But whatever it is, it's important to make sure you two are communicating properly. When he is unresponsive to you when you're trying to have a conversation with him, or he pretends to be asleep when you kiss him, then it seems you should be thinking about what's causing that behavior. It could very well be that he is just tired!
Just be sure he knows he can talk to you about anything and vent to you about his stresses and aggravations.
And good luck with conceiving!

 
Old 09-16-2005, 08:15 AM   #11
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Talking Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

thanks little rose...and I do know the importance of communication! as i said he is diabetic and that causes a lot of his problems, on top of our money issues.....i know it has a lot to do with stress...I just needed support....

 
Old 09-17-2005, 06:08 AM   #12
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Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

Quote:
Originally Posted by here4support
thanks little rose...and I do know the importance of communication! as i said he is diabetic and that causes a lot of his problems, on top of our money issues.....i know it has a lot to do with stress...I just needed support....
Hi,

I'm not sure if you mentioned this or not. But do you work at all? If not, maybe you could get a job so that he doesn't have to work so much overtime.

 
Old 09-17-2005, 06:36 AM   #13
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Unhappy Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

Hi Rainy Daze.....to answer your question, yes I do work. My husband and I make about the same amount of $$$. I had 2 jobs at one point and it was too much stress, the money wasn't worth it. He had a part time job at one point also on top of his full time, but it became too much. We keep playing the lotto hoping we hit big! LOL We lost yesterday




Update to everyone: Last night we went to bed and he started initiating the sex but during our foreplay he (I don't know how to say this....) He became limp.


 
Old 09-17-2005, 06:37 AM   #14
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Unhappy Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

Hi Rainy Daze.....to answer your question, yes I do work. My husband and I make about the same amount of $$$. I had 2 jobs at one point and it was too much stress, the money wasn't worth it. He had a part time job at one point also on top of his full time, but it became too much. We keep playing the lotto hoping we hit big! LOL We lost yesterday




Update to everyone: Last night we went to bed and he started initiating the sex but during our foreplay he (I don't know how to say this....) He became limp.


 
Old 09-17-2005, 06:37 AM   #15
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Unhappy Re: My husband is always "Tired" Need suggestions...

Hi Rainy Daze.....to answer your question, yes I do work. My husband and I make about the same amount of $$$. I had 2 jobs at one point and it was too much stress, the money wasn't worth it. He had a part time job at one point also on top of his full time, but it became too much. We keep playing the lotto hoping we hit big! LOL We lost yesterday




Update to everyone: Last night we went to bed and he started initiating the sex but during our foreplay he (I don't know how to say this....) He became limp.


 
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