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Old 09-16-2005, 07:41 PM   #1
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Hwguy HB User
Exclamation 22 and in major anguish

I am a 22 year old male finishing my BS degree. I have never been on any dates, never held hands, kissed, etc. Never had any physical contact with a women other then handshakes. My deal is that I deep down desire a girlfriend and eventually a companion but at the same time I also fight myself.

When I am with other guys I can talk the talk like they all do but when it comes time to actually trying to meet a woman I freeze. Inside I want to be in their company but I am physically unable to move near them. I also inside constantly fight with feelings of being "unworthy" of having female companionship. When a female in interested in talking with me I push them away with babbling on about random things. I am at a point where I cry myself to sleep and sometimes suffer complete loss of memory when situations arise.

I want to live a "normal" life like other men but because of this huge disaster I am unable to function normally. I withdraw from everyone and take refuge in my studies and playing computer games which further feeds the viscious cycle. I used to have delusions about being an angelic figure sent here to destroy the wicked and at the time they occured again suffered mental blackouts. My problems are getting to a point where I can only function by keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to address them or worry about them. I appreciate any input that you can give me.

Hwguy

 
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Old 09-16-2005, 09:09 PM   #2
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SomeRandomDude HB User
Re: 22 and in major anguish

In terms of freezing up around girls and the like, it sounds all too similar.

The only difference is I'm a little older (will be 26 in November)

I'm going to come across as a hypocrite here... as I've never followed my own advice, but it might be in your best interest to talk to an expert.

Find a therapist you can trust and go from there.

Hope things improve for you soon!

 
Old 09-16-2005, 09:16 PM   #3
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ibeeshell HB User
Re: 22 and in major anguish

Have you discussed these issues with your doctor? Maybe you need some meds for anxiety issues. Sometimes people have trouble coping with social situations and it doesn't mean you are crazy or anything, it just happens.

 
Old 09-16-2005, 09:41 PM   #4
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: 22 and in major anguish

agreeed seek help, but also remember, girls are just people too, their not a foreign godess that needs to be conquestedor something...

 
Old 09-17-2005, 12:33 AM   #5
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Hiya HB User
Re: 22 and in major anguish

I think some people are just late bloomers. Don't compare yourself to other guys or what your buddies are doing, or saying they're doing. And Mada's absolutely right. Girls are people too, so try to relate to them as people. How do you relate to other men? Do you have any discomfort talking to other men? If not, try relating to women a little more like you relate to your male friends. It's ok to talk to a woman and share a joke or small talk, and it doesn't mean total failure if you don't end up in bed with her. Baby steps. Try just asking a girl something easy, like if she knows what time it is (make sure you hide your watch before you do this!) or if she thinks it's going to rain today. Perhaps this will help take the pressure off yourself.

 
Old 09-17-2005, 01:03 AM   #6
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eaglesgirl37 HB User
Re: 22 and in major anguish

I think there's more serious things going on here than your anxiety when it comes to women. If you're blacking out and having delusions, there's something seriously wrong and you definitely need to seek mental help. Those things aren't something we can solve with advice about talking to women and instead require the help of a mental health professional. I don't mean to alarm you or anything and I certainly hope everything is okay, but I do think you should be seriously concerned that you are having these blackouts and delusions and seek help immediately. Those issues are more pressing than your romantic problems, and I strongly urge you to get help ASAP...as far as talking to girls, that is something we can definitely help you with, but your other symptoms suggest problems that go much deeper, unfortunately.

 
Old 09-17-2005, 02:38 PM   #7
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Hwguy HB User
Re: 22 and in major anguish

I move into school tomorrow and I am going to make some doc's appointments Monday. I've been on meds before but everything went into a relapse so I thought I was in the clear. As for talking with other men, I am very poor at that too. I have pidgen holed myself into only knowing about things which interest me greatly such as video games, dungeons and dragons, magic the gathering, computers, chemisty, meat (job related interest), and medicine.

I find it extremely hard to relate to the general public because I don't know most of the things they talke about. I don't care about reading the news, I don't watch much tv besides anime. Due to working and sleeping I never go out and do anything. I have two friends IRL and several I talk to over the net but for the most part they are too busy to go out with me. I feel that when I talk to most people I bore them because I only talk about things that interest me and when the subject changes to something I am clueless about I sound like a real idiot trying to make conversation.

I appreciate your input on the whole delima.

BTW: I was diagnosed as a rapid cycling bipolar a few years ago but I dunno know how accurate that was. I used to take Zoloft for depression, risperdal to slow my thoughts, depakote to stabilize my mood swings.

 
Old 09-17-2005, 03:02 PM   #8
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: 22 and in major anguish

go to some gami8ng conventions to boost social confidence, get your mental health sorted and that shoulkd help you get some confidence

 
Old 09-17-2005, 05:47 PM   #9
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degen95 HB User
Re: 22 and in major anguish

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hwguy
I am a 22 year old male finishing my BS degree. I have never been on any dates, never held hands, kissed, etc. Never had any physical contact with a women other then handshakes. My deal is that I deep down desire a girlfriend and eventually a companion but at the same time I also fight myself.

When I am with other guys I can talk the talk like they all do but when it comes time to actually trying to meet a woman I freeze. Inside I want to be in their company but I am physically unable to move near them. I also inside constantly fight with feelings of being "unworthy" of having female companionship. When a female in interested in talking with me I push them away with babbling on about random things. I am at a point where I cry myself to sleep and sometimes suffer complete loss of memory when situations arise.

I want to live a "normal" life like other men but because of this huge disaster I am unable to function normally. I withdraw from everyone and take refuge in my studies and playing computer games which further feeds the viscious cycle. I used to have delusions about being an angelic figure sent here to destroy the wicked and at the time they occured again suffered mental blackouts. My problems are getting to a point where I can only function by keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to address them or worry about them. I appreciate any input that you can give me.

Hwguy
dude, if you do a search on here you'll see tons of threads with this subject and tons of great advice (especially from the cool chicks like sophia and ruth) and support from people going through this type of thing (myself included).

i don't freeze around girls, i hold my own really well around them but it just never falls for me. we'll get ours pretty soon, don't worry about it...i'm not and i'm way older than you.

 
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