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Old 09-17-2005, 01:41 AM   #1
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well that burst the bubble

"don't you think we're too different" are the words reverberating through my skull right now. after making progress with the girl i've been talking about for ages (more intimacy... not just physical) she's pulled back again, citing that we're too different. perfect timing, the day i'm going into the field... my second relationship to fail around the time of fieldwork (also happens to be within 3 days of the 6 month point of my big relationship failure)... well i guess that 30 dollar phone card won't be getting a workout.

i did not see this coming... i've seen her a fair amount lately (she's house sitting, and wanted some company) we have, as always been getting along awesomely, and she's been acting like she's been "going with the flow" instead of being really cautious for fear of being hurt. spoke to her last night, and nothing seemed out of place... so this morning's revelation is a huge shock.

she said she needs time to think and we'll talk when i get back... i hate hope.. no matter how many times i've been f@%#ed over by it i still keep hoping... i want to turn around and end it now, tell her to never speak to me again... but i know that's just because i'm out of control of the situation now (i.e. she is in control, nothing i can do to hurry her decision), if i end it and tell her to hit the road, that i don't deserve this, and that she should sort her own issues out before going back into the dating "market" again, well i will at least have put some control back in my hands. on the other hand, i want to hold the hope that this can work, because i honestly really like this girl... she is nothing like my mental checklist of what a girlfriend should be (although open, honest, and can hold intelegent conversation are 3 things that she does fit on my checklist), and for that i'm glad... she has really made me readjust what i was looking for in a girl, because her sheer personality blew me away. anyway before i get too nostalgic i'll end it there...

it'd feel good to actually be the one to end it for once, instead of scrapping for that last piece of hope, instead of trying to get over someone while still clinging to that little piece of hope... but again, i don't really want to let it go, and this time i know it's not for fear of being alone, it's because i want to see where this path could lead... could it be that she's just having more fears of being hurt again? she's felt herself come closer to me, then now she's pulling away from fear? or am i just hypothesising reasons to instill in myself a sense of false hope...

and what exactly does "too different" mean...

i can understand why guys get jaded with girls... i really can now...

 
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Old 09-17-2005, 10:29 AM   #2
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ibeeshell HB User
Re: well that burst the bubble

Mada, ok so your torn? You either want to end it first so you have control or you want to hold on to see where it may take you?

For your self esteem, you need to end it now and then leave for your field work. I wouldn't hold much hope, if I were you. I'm sorry to say that.

Life will get better.

 
Old 09-17-2005, 03:08 PM   #3
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Re: well that burst the bubble

life never gets better i'm not that anaive.... anyway, i don't think she's doing this to mess with me i genuinely think she's torn... got a goodbye message from her this morning... definately didin't sound like someone who wants to end it... bah as if i give a ***** anyway... i'll just use her for sexx and toss her awy like a piece of meat... no i'd never do that, but i'll play this one by ear, i'm not as jaded as i sound...

thanks anyway
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Old 09-17-2005, 08:22 PM   #4
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Re: well that burst the bubble

Quote:
Originally Posted by mada_3083
life never gets better i'm not that anaive.... anyway, i don't think she's doing this to mess with me i genuinely think she's torn... got a goodbye message from her this morning... definately didin't sound like someone who wants to end it... bah as if i give a ***** anyway... i'll just use her for sexx and toss her awy like a piece of meat... no i'd never do that, but i'll play this one by ear, i'm not as jaded as i sound...

thanks anyway
ads
OMG mada!!
do u know how terrible this sounds? I know ur hurt and bitter and u prob don't mean what u wrote and of course u care about her, otherwise you wouldn't be hurt'n. If she's torn, don't u want to give her a chance, some time to figure it out? write to her, keep in contact. If you really care for her, you'll want to be there when she needs you...cuz if u don't, ur always gonna wonder what could've been, might've been. Regrets are a real pain the a**. Take care
knotty

 
Old 09-22-2005, 07:36 AM   #5
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Re: well that burst the bubble

Quote:
Originally Posted by knotme
OMG mada!!
do u know how terrible this sounds? I know ur hurt and bitter and u prob don't mean what u wrote and of course u care about her, otherwise you wouldn't be hurt'n. If she's torn, don't u want to give her a chance, some time to figure it out? write to her, keep in contact. If you really care for her, you'll want to be there when she needs you...cuz if u don't, ur always gonna wonder what could've been, might've been. Regrets are a real pain the a**. Take care
knotty

no worries.. done and done... keeping in contact... smiling merrily... trust me i'm not one to throw in the towel

i realise how bad it sounds... and i know it's not because i'm bitter and twisted... i've been down that road... and i KNOW things don't ever get better... circumstances change, but we're born alone with nothing, we die the same way... trust me i live my life to the fullest... but i just don't let dreams of a fairy tale of "things improving" cloud my head... besides, you have to look back to realise if things are improved... who wants to do that when you can focus on the future. as i said, circumstances change, but we're never really better or worse for wear...

 
Old 09-22-2005, 07:49 AM   #6
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Re: well that burst the bubble

I can see your point. I personally can not stand that people treat other people like their feelings can be put on hold. How unfair. Your right about now not being the time to say "we are different". Is she just leaving herself open so when you are gone she can romance with someone else and not feel quilty? I'm sorry but I would have to email her back and say "I just wanted to make sure we are on the same page, are we free to see other people?" That'll make her think. Sometimes if a girl thinks someone else could get in on their territory they wise up. Anyway, what field are you talking about? Sorry to sound stupid. I don't get why she would get scared now, you said you already had sex...ummmm that's as close as your going to get. Are you a good man? If so there are TONS of woman out there for you that won't play head games with you. I was quilty of that six month rule too for some reason. I never planned it but I always blew them off at six months. I wonder why that is. hahaha

 
Old 09-28-2005, 08:00 PM   #7
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Re: well that burst the bubble

no we haven't had sex... and sex doesn't make you close it's emotional closeness i was talking...

it wasn't about seeing other people... as for the emotions on hold... i kinda made my own problem there... i said that i'd take it slow because she was scared of being hurt... so i should have accepted it all...

the "field"... is fieldwork, i'm a PhD student studying insects in the deserts of Western australia, so i head off in a 4x4 for a couple of weeks and pretty much have no contact with anyone...

Last edited by mada_3083; 09-28-2005 at 09:11 PM.

 
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