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Old 09-17-2005, 07:50 PM   #1
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Angry Im curious, can this happen?

Im sure it does....

Men or Women for that matter becoming a bit "protective" "obsessed" or "controlling" after they become engaged or married?

My boyfriend and i are recently engaged, he has never been a 'crazy' b/f by any means but he has voiced his concern about not liking me around certain guys lately (one that was in town for a wedding because he didnt like how he looked at me) I went to the bars a few nights ago with some friends that were in town and he wasnt able to come, he got off work early and called me and i told him some older guy was trying to buy me a shot and i told the guy no im engaged ect... my mom tells me i shouldnt tell him things like that because all it does is upsets him (husbands boyfriends ect in general) i tell her i tell him everything...

well he got upset and said "stop telling me your going to make me mad" like he might have to drive to where we are to straighten this guy up i guess you could say. I know he's always been a "tough" guy so that is nothing new. So later that night I went to his house to stay the night. He goes "so did you talk bad about me tonight to everyone?!" I go "are you kidding me " he says "im just joking relax"

So that kinda ticked me off. So basically is this typical behavior or a fear thing?

~P~

 
Old 09-18-2005, 07:11 AM   #2
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

Well, it's nice to be honest but I don't believe that means you should tell your partner EVERYTHING. Can you honestly say that it wouldn't rile you up a little if you found out women were hitting on your fiance? As long as nothing gets out of hand your fiance doesn't need to be informed everytime you get hit on. Admittedly, I tell my hubby when I get hit on, but only because I know he takes this as a compliment more than a threat.

Your fiance does sound like he's becoming increasingly insecure. Having dated someone like that myself, it's not a good time and it tends to drive you away. Sit down with him NOW and discuss the problem. This is someone you're going to marry so you need to have good communication skills with each other. Ask him why he has suddenly become so upset about other guys. The fact that he worried you were talking badly about him shows that he is really insecure right now and you need to get to the bottom of it.

 
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Old 09-18-2005, 10:01 AM   #3
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

Maybe he thinks that if you are committed to him that you shouldn't put yourself in a situation that would make it seem like maybe you are looking for another guy. I wouldn't want my future wife out boozing it up in some bar without me. Especially after being told that a guy was hitting on her aggresively. It's important to present yourself as "off the market". If you don't do so, you will cause jealousy problems. Spending time with males other than your future husband does not present that impression. Billy Graham made a point his entire married life to not EVER be left alone with a woman that wasn't his wife or to be put in any position that would appear to be anything other than innocent. While I don't agree with him on a lot of things, he was right about this. Any man will get jealous when a woman that is supposed to be "his only" spends time with any other man that isn't a direct relative. Many won't say it, but it affects us all. Since you are now engaged, maybe you should restrict your circle of friends to females only. It would be prudent.

 
Old 09-18-2005, 10:09 AM   #4
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

If you insist on telling him these things,then you will have to deal with his jealousy. You would NOT want to be sitting at home while he was out with his buddies and listen to him tell you that some woman or group of women were wanting to buy him a shot. You would be concerned if not down right angry.

Both of you need to mature a bit more before the wedding! You need to show your fiance a bit more respect and get some self esteem. He needs to learn to trust you and get some self esteem.

Last edited by ibeeshell; 09-18-2005 at 10:10 AM.

 
Old 09-19-2005, 06:19 AM   #5
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

Your fiance sounds exactly like my boyfriend. We have the same agreement as well. I tell him everything. My mom also agrees with your mom in that I shouldn't tell him things like that but it's like I can't help it. I tell him everything. Just yesterday I told him that a guy that I work with asked me out. He nearly flipped out, saying you should tell him to back the **** off or I'll come and kick his ***. My boyfriends really protective. But I don't see what's wrong with telling him these things. If my boyfriend got hit on, I would want him to tell me.

 
Old 09-19-2005, 07:46 AM   #6
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

thank you diva!! That is how my boyfriend is haha. Where I work I see a lot of "interesting men" some like to stare and one asks me every time he comes in if im still with my boyfriend. I even told him i was engaged and he still asks, my boyfriend says "do i need ot break his legs?" haha same attitude.

I know i cant help but tell him, it's like I know or expect that he shouldnt get too upset I mean I am his, he is mine we trust each other so whats the deal!

 
Old 09-19-2005, 02:39 PM   #7
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

In my area of the country about 50% of the population is male.
If my husband went around breaking the legs of everyone I spoke to they'd run out of crutches.
Some people feed on possessiveness. It makes them feel loved.
Possessiveness isn't love - it's ownership.
Mature love gives you alot more breathing room than this type of behavior.
Good Luck.

 
Old 09-19-2005, 10:03 PM   #8
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

well its just figure of speech, he hasnt really done that to anyone for actually talking or making a pass at me.

 
Old 09-21-2005, 11:59 PM   #9
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

hello, well your mom is right , dont tell him everything, and especially things like that that guy tried ordering you a shot.you wouldnt be hiding anything from him you just wouldnt be telling him, he didnt ask , so why tell him. dont offer info if it neednt be a subject, its all stupid little bull **** anyway. good luck, kimber

 
Old 09-22-2005, 10:30 PM   #10
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

good point kimber. Im going to have to work on that haha. There are a few little things i havent told him. So it shouldnt be to hard. Im just so use to spilling it all out there! thanks!

 
Old 10-11-2005, 11:47 AM   #11
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YaYa04 HB User
Re: Im curious, can this happen?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piranna65
Im sure it does....

Men or Women for that matter becoming a bit "protective" "obsessed" or "controlling" after they become engaged or married?

My boyfriend and i are recently engaged, he has never been a 'crazy' b/f by any means but he has voiced his concern about not liking me around certain guys lately (one that was in town for a wedding because he didnt like how he looked at me) I went to the bars a few nights ago with some friends that were in town and he wasnt able to come, he got off work early and called me and i told him some older guy was trying to buy me a shot and i told the guy no im engaged ect... my mom tells me i shouldnt tell him things like that because all it does is upsets him (husbands boyfriends ect in general) i tell her i tell him everything...
There really isn't anything wrong with excepting a drink from another man when in a relationship. It's a drink, NOT sex. If a relationship has trust this shouldn't be a problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piranna65
well he got upset and said "stop telling me your going to make me mad" like he might have to drive to where we are to straighten this guy up i guess you could say. I know he's always been a "tough" guy so that is nothing new. So later that night I went to his house to stay the night. He goes "so did you talk bad about me tonight to everyone?!" I go "are you kidding me " he says "im just joking relax"

So that kinda ticked me off. So basically is this typical behavior or a fear thing?
Your man seems to have some self-esteem problems and trust issues.

I'm in a common law relationship. We have been living together for three years. My man hates going to clubs and bars, but he has NO problem with me going. He will even give me money and drop me off where ever I'm going. I went out a couple of weekends ago with a friend to celebrate her birthday. I had guys coming up to me buying me drinks and trying to get me to make out with them. I was totally up front with them, let them know I have a man whom I live with and I have no interest in having anything to do with any other man. Most of them still bought me drinks and had no problems with this. When my friends and I were ready to call it a night one of the guys offered me his cell phone to call my hubby to come pick me up. He even waited with me and my friends until my he showed up. When he and I got home I told him about my night, I also tell my man everything. He had no problem with it, he actually felt great about it (knowing other men find me attractive, but I'm with him and only him) because he knows I love him and that I'm a very loyal person. All I did the whole night was dance, have some drinks with my friends and talk to the guys about how great my man is to me. It's ALL about trust and if a guy or girl has a problem with their partner going out and having some fun with friends they are just going to cause major problems in their relationship later on. Best to get something like this fixed up now then have to deal with it later on.

 
Old 10-11-2005, 12:13 PM   #12
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ibeeshell
If you insist on telling him these things,then you will have to deal with his jealousy. You would NOT want to be sitting at home while he was out with his buddies and listen to him tell you that some woman or group of women were wanting to buy him a shot. You would be concerned if not down right angry.
Being honest and open with him doesn't mean she has to deal with his jealousy. HE NEEDS to DEAL with his jealousy himself.

Myself, I have NO problem with my man going out with his friends and some woman buying him shots, (I wouldn't be concerned or down right angry at all) because he would be just as honest and up front with her as I am with men that buy me drinks. He would let her know he has a wife and isn't interested in having anything to do with other women. If she still wants to buy him a shot he would except it and be on his way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ibeeshell
Both of you need to mature a bit more before the wedding! You need to show your fiance a bit more respect and get some self esteem. He needs to learn to trust you and get some self esteem.
She doesn't need to show her fiance a bit more respect at all and she appears to have a great deal of self esteem to me, but as for her man I don't think so. Yes, he needs learn to trust her and he also needs to respect her if he intends on keeping her around.

 
Old 10-11-2005, 12:18 PM   #13
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

i agree, thanks yaya

 
Old 10-11-2005, 12:20 PM   #14
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Re: Im curious, can this happen?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piranna65
i agree, thanks yaya
You're welcome

 
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