How do you get over with pain involved in relationships?
About 2 years ago, I thought I met the most wonderful, caring man. A man I thought I would marry. Wrong. Over the next few months following the day we met, he changed but I clinged to the nice person I thought I met. I let every little thing slipped; even pretending to be blind or deaf sometimes just to ease the truth. He lied and deceived me many times and yet I hanged on. I can never imagine losing him. So even if I was hurting I chose to spend time with him, even if it was only for physical intimacy. Many times I denied the fact that I loved him.....but I care so much about him I forgot my self-respect and dignity. I let him treat me like trash and I still took him in. I would still talk to him and see him.
I am hurting more now because the end of this illusion just came. I realized how bad this person is; he did bad things to me, said rude comments to me, and plain used me. But why do I still think about him? I am hurting so bad although I am not sure if I am hurting because of the things he did to me or the things I did to myself....or maybe both. I just can't seem to straighten up. Sometimes I think, what am I waiting for? For him to take all of me? Can someone help me wake up and move on?
Love hurts, especially when your heart insists that you give it your all. Love also has a way of blinding you. You hope that he will change and everything will be perfect again. When love ends, it has a way of leaving you doubting your own self. But you cannot blame yourself. It was not your fault. It wasn't anything you said or anything you did. Let yourself grieve for the loss. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it does get better. I was in a three year relationship with a man I thought I would marry. When he broke my heart, my whole world fell apart. The problem was that I forgot my own identity. I didn't know how to be me without him. I was Don's girl. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I wanted to die. I cried. I walked around for months in a daze. I was simply a shell walking around, oblivious to the world around. Then I realized that I was hurting the people that loved me. I made my sister, my brother, and my friends cry because I was hurting myself. Eventually I met someone who made me feel wanted and sexy again. I began to see that someone was looking out for me because the relationship was not good for me. In the long run I was better off without him. For a long time I was in pain whenever I thought about him. But with time it gets easier to forget.
Go out with your girlfriends. Friday nights used to be our girl's night out. I kept myself occupied.
Right now, after five years of not letting anyone else get close and after finally letting the past go, I gave it another chance and trusted another guy with my heart. My heart is breaking once again. It hurts. I find myself crying all the time. But this time it is not as bad. I guess my heart was used to the pain. I still haven't given up. One day I will find love again.
I am sorry you are going through all these again. I can feel your pain and if it is of any comfort, you are not alone. In my case, whenever I am out and doing something either with friends or at work, I am fine (most of the time at least). But when I am left on my own again, which is whenever I am home, I get hit by the pain so bad that it depresses me so much. Sometimes even when I am outside doing other things and I see a reminder, a couple for instance, it starts my negative thinking. The pain starts and I cry deep inside.
What do you do when that happens? I am so messed up. I mean, clearly, I know he is not meant for me, still I cannot rid him of my mind. After everything he did, I should be comfortable on leaving him alone. But I feel so bad. Like someone died. Like I died. Why can't I accept the fact that he is not good for me? That I deserve better? He is a creep and I still cannot severe my association with him...what is wrong with me?
My only advice is to focus on the negatives of the other person. Pining about how much we miss this or that about someone keeps us from healing. Think about the things he did and said that upset you and let you down time and time again. You need to continually remind yourself that you are a person who is worth being treated well and that you will find better.
Last edited by vintagegirl; 09-18-2005 at 06:37 AM.
you will never completely heal but it will get easier. i know how you feel about seeing things that remind you of him. i swear that my heart physically hurts each time. you should allow yourself to cry when you feel like crying. it actually makes me feel better. it has been five years since i've criedfor a guy and it seems like that is all i've been doing lately. friends, love songs, other guys... all help make it easier. i called my best girl friend and she made me laugh. i listen to sad love songs over and over. how do they know exactly how i feel? i went out with another guy last night. it helps to feel desired by someone else. i've never been the type to binge on chocolate and ice cream. if anything, i think i'v eaten less. the last time my heart was broken, i lost 15 pounds. there is a mathematical formula on how long it takes to get over someone. they say it should take about half of the length of the relationship. i promise you that it will get easier. while i'm trying to convince you of this, i am trying to convince myself. i know it will get easier.
I can tell you this , you will be a happier, more joyful person, and all it takes is time. I grieved over my ex and it seemed like forever until it eventually passed . It is the best feeling in the world, but you have to WANT to stop hurting and start living and do this with all of your entire being which sounds silly but oh so true.
I am now with another man, who is sexier, smarter, and much more with it than my ex. That helps a whole bunch in my road to recovery to get over my ex.
Trust me, it is mind over matter. Repeat that several times a day if you must, and you will be a brand new woman agian .
Mood Ring ~With a fire in her heart and love in her soul
I am hurting so bad I cannot even begin to describe it into words. I keep thinking I am never going to be happy with anyone because I always lose in the end. He is getting married soon and I am so confused. What am I missing? How is she like? Does she look better? Sigh. I don't know I am just so lost. Why do I feel this way? What did she do that I could have done? I wish I knew and I wish I could make him love me like I love him.
I am crying so bad right now I could not stop.............my head hurts, everything hurts. Why do I get hurt when I hurt no one? Why? Life is not fair. Love is not fair. I can't stop hurting.....