why is it that he is more romantic, sweet, open and wonderful and says sweet things to me when he's had a few beers and feelin good? but when he's not drinking, he's so closed up, quiet and an *******?
Heaven, I think that some introvert people become more courageous/flirtatious when they have had few pints to drink. he might feel apprehensive or anxious otherwise to reveal his feelings to you. This doesn't mean that his feelings are untrue, but as Shell suggests, you need love and sweetness, etc while he's sober not only when he's drunk. Nevertheless you know now that at least he's not aggressive/argumantative or whatever drinking can cause.
I agree that it's probably easier for men to verbalize their feelings after they've had a few drinks. Alcohol lowers one's inhibitions and he is probably feeling less apprehensive about expressing his feelings.
As long as he isn't being mean or drinking too much, I wouldn't let it bother you. I still think he means what he is saying, it's just harder from him to do so when he is sober.
I agree with Rita and GE in most cases...however it kind of sounds like this guy isn't just reserved and shy about expressing his feelings while sober but also somewhat of an inconsiderate jerk? If I misinterpreted that, then I wholeheartedly support what Rita and GE said, and I'd encourage you to be patient and hope he comes around and acts affectionate and appreciative soon while sober as well as when he's tipsy. But if he's going beyond just being quiet and withdrawn to being rude, mean, or dismissive of you and your feelings when he's not drunk (as your post seems to suggest, but it's hard to tell for sure), then my advice would be quite different. If he only treats you sweetly and respectfully when he's drinking, then you need to face the reality that his sober personality is his true personality, and decide whether that's someone you want to be with, his tipsy behavior not withstanding. I definitely wouldn't stick around based only on how he acts when he's been drinking, because you'll be waiting forever if you are waiting for his tipsy personality to become his personality when he's sober. If he doesn't treat you as well as you'd like while sober, and it sounds like he doesn't if he's withholding sweet and romantic behavior except when he's been drinking, then I think you should cut him loose and find someone better. There are plenty of open, nice, respectful, and sweet guys out there who would love to find a great women to treat wonderfully all of the time, not just when they get some liquid courage. Perhaps if you'd elaborate a little more on how he acts in each circumstance, we'd be able to provide more helpful and accurate advice?
Joe told me all the "I love you, I'm going to be here forever, Your life is going to be glorious from here on out, you're IT for me, you are my soul mate, " BLA BLA BLA--all while on alcohol. He dumped me for no reason whatsoever--no other women, no fight, no losing interest--we were hot and heavy right til the end. Drinking problem--hiding MUCH bigger issues. Watch out, girl!!
thank you. he has told me before that he has a hard time expressing feelings. he has told me that he's scared to open up since his last two relationships, one ended up cheating and found out his son wasn't his son and the other girl died in a fire. He's scared to catch feelings he's said to me before. I can never get him to say anything nice to me when he's sober and we argue alot more. But when he's had a few drinks, he lightens up and he's alot more fun and sweet and open to me.....what should I do?
he only drinks maybe once a week around me. he's not tipsy like...crazy drunk, just buzzn, feelin nice, but not annoyingly drunk where he can't walk or drive. just a few beers...that's all. he's not an alcholic that's for damn sure.
Be careful. My guy had some similar (freakishly) issues with past hurt and could open up more after a few. I took this as ok, b/c I tricked myself into believing that these were his true feelings and he had trouble just saying it when sober. I even brought it up at the begining, saing that it was the beer talking and he totally refuted this saying these were all his true feelings, and the beers only made it easier for him to say--beer nerve, but true feelings kind of thing.
I still struggle with whether or not those were his true feelings at the time. BUt --what I do know now is that the drinking was masking some other real issues with him and relationships. He got freaked out and booked, leaving me to pick up the peices. Not fun. I still see him quite bit, and he still drinks--quite a bit more and people say he's miserable without me--but still drinking--still masking some sort of pain, and not getting back together. I was SO sucked in--so inlove, so stupid. Just be very careful. Substance abuse should be an automatic deal breaker. I just saw it as social, partying, whatever. It wasn't.
His true feelings toward you are those he displays while sober. If he has some sort of issues that prevent him from showing you affection and concern unless he's been drinking, that's an even more serious problem than him not feeling as fondly toward you as he acts while he's tipsy. Please don't be fooled into believing that anyone shows their "true" self while they're drinking but not while they are sober, because if they do, they definitely have a major, disruptive substance abuse problem. People who don't have a drinking problem have no problem telling and showing those they care about how they love without a few drinks...if anything, I'd say his true feelings are those he shows while sober and drinking helps him pretend he's a decent guy who cares about you, when the truth is that he seems incapable of caring for anyone but himself.
in my opinion it is because he is probably embarassed to say these things to you when he is sober, i know it doesnt help you much as you will feel un-appriciated when he is sober but you should talk to your boyfriend about this: in a kind caring way because if it is the case that he is embarassed to say these things to you when he is sober then that conversation could be quite hard for him..
heaven-I'll be the first to tell you that discussing relationships and alcohol causes many critcal responses. But I guess thats what is expected!
As for your issue, I use to be the one in my relationship that was boxed up and couldnt tell my boyfriend much, he was insecure but told me how he felt about me all the time, sober or not. Not a day goes by that he doesnt tell me he loves me and that im beautiful. When he started that with me I use to shell up. I couldnt believe he was telling me these things. I had never been in a relationship before where one tells me such positive things everyday!!
I do think the booze is helping him relax and open up. If this is a once a week thing and it's not an all out drink fest then he must know what is going on and what he is saying. He should remember saying it ect...
Have you ever brought it up with him about telling you how he feels before he's had a drink or two or any given day for that matter? How long have you two been dating? Just a couple of months? or is this a couple of years? If this is a fairly new relationship that could be part of it...
Just let him know that you share the same feelings as him but you'd like if he could attempt to express them better when he isnt buzzed up...