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Old 09-20-2005, 09:14 AM   #1
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Unhappy Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. I've been under a ton of pressure, because I left my husband of 5 years shortly after I met him, moved out on my own, lost a couple of jobs, because of stress and now moved again to move in with him. He actually first moved in to my small place in June.
Times have been rocky, but so far we're holding up. I genuinely love him and I think he does too, although at times he acts rather reserved. He says though, it's just the way he shows (or doesn't show) his love. Lately, he says though "his head isn't in the stars".
Anyway, back in July, when I thought things were looking up a little, I semi-accidentally discovered the password to his hotmail. There were some mails there from his ex, so I was curious and went in. I know I shouldn't have done that, but to my surprise, I discovered an email there from some new girl. The e-mail indicated that they have just met. He's never told me anything about that, so I got worried and confronted him about that.
He said he met her on the bus on his rides to work! She was smiling at him and started talking to him. He told me she was quite attractive and he liked her! ( my boyfriend can be painfully honest sometimes!) Also, she was saying that she's not doing good with her boyfriend and that she's "looking for someone". She seemed to have been interested in him. Allegedly, my boyfriend told her he has a girlfriend, but proceeded to give her his e-mail address to "keep in touch". The way I'm thinking, he thought "just in case... since she's interested in me".
I was very upset about this and he said he won't write her anymore. We spoke about this just a week ago and he said he hasn't been writing to her.
But yesterday I discovered that was a lie!
I had an intuitive feeling and tried the same password for his other mail. It worked. There, I found that he's been talking to this girl just a month after the first fiasco happened and just 2 weeks since we moved in!
He was asking for her number so that he can call her and set up a "clandestine randezvous". He was asking whether she'd prefer a cozy bar to a pub etc. Also he wrote that he will have to make up an excuse to meet her, so that I don't know about it.
She wrote back that she will have to make up an excuse too, as her boyfriend "woudn't bee too happy if he knew". This conversation ended a month ago with her phonenumbers, so who knows what's been going on since! Also, on Sep. 6, just after we came back from a beautiful vacation, where we seemed to be so in love, he transferred this conversation to a third e-mail address that I don't know the password to.
I wonder why he'd need to do that?! And why after such a beautiful time we had?!
Also, his ex has contacted him and he wrote her back that he'd be interested to catch up. I feel intimidated, because this ex he had mostly for sexual purposes and our sex has been sporadic lately. He told me, she used to be all over him and "eager". He said once "if I'll keep him saitisfied, he'll have no reason to cheat on me...".
Please help! I'm tormented. I can't keep secrets too well and specially when I'm upset about something. Also, I don't want to keep any secrets from him, because I love him and I want to share everything with him. Anyway, he was the one that originally strongly initiated that we have no secrets and be honest with each other and now this! I want to confront him with all my heart, but at the same time I don't want him to know I snooped again. He was quite upset when I did it the first time. I know it's something I shoudn't do, but somehow I have a feeling he's doing stuff behind my back and this proves he is! I need to know what I'm dealing with.
He seems to be really loving with me physically, but doesn't do any of the little "love gestures". A few times now I've written him a love letter and everytime he seems to be unmoved, which hurts! Last time I wrote one I asked him what he though and he shrug his shoulder and said "I don't know". He said he needs to think about it... I don't think that is a reaction of someone being in love and just receiving a love letter from their loved one!
I'm confused and hurting! Also what really hurts is, that we've been arguing a lot about him not helping me ANYTHING with setting up our new place that needs a ton of work and now I know that instead of him focusing on that, he's been setting up dates etc.!
Please, tell me what I should do.
Thanks a bunch!

Last edited by moonstruckgrl; 09-20-2005 at 09:32 AM.

 
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Old 09-20-2005, 09:32 AM   #2
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonstruckgrl
He seems to be really loving with me physically, but doesn't do any of the little "love gestures". A few times now I've written him a love letter and everytime he seems to be unmoved, which hurts! Last time I wrote one I asked him what he though and he shrug his shoulder and said "I don't know". He said he needs to think about it... I don't think that is a reaction of someone being in love...
I ask the following sincerely. If you shake your head clear, re-read what you posted that I have quoted above, what are your own thoughts about what you hear yourself saying? We rationalize as a way of avoiding what we already know, but don't want to face.

You are correct; these are not the behaviors of a person in love. And, aren't loving behaviors what you want and need in a loving relationship?


Quote:
Originally Posted by moonstruckgrl
Please, tell me what I should do.
Only because you specifically asked...leave the relationship to gather your dignity, self-respect, and future.

 
Old 09-20-2005, 09:53 AM   #3
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

I think it's a good thing you found out about this sooner rather than later!

I'm really sorry this happened to you, but I would ditch your boyfriend immediately. Some men think they can have their cake and eat it too. He is definitely one of them!

If I found out my boyfriend was doing that behind my back, I would never be able to trust him again.

You deserve much better treatment and there are men out there who would happily provide it. Good luck.

 
Old 09-20-2005, 10:16 AM   #4
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

It seems to me like you're worried about a minor issue rather than the main problem here--your primary concern seems to be that you don't want to upset him or make him angry by admitting you snooped, when if I was you, I'd be much more disturbed by the fact that you have discovered your boyfriend making plans for a clandestine meeting with another woman he's interested in sexually. It almost sounds like you haven't fully accepted what's going on with him by the way you ask why he'd talk to her after your vacation and why he'd change his email and reestablish contact with his ex. I'm sorry to say, but I think the answers to these questions are pretty obvious, unfortunately...I'm afraid it's clear that he's been making plans to cheat on you, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he is cheating on you already. I can't believe he would have the audacity to tell you that he'd cheat if you didn't keep him sexually satisfied! He should be faithful to you because he loves you and because you live together, with absolutely no strings attached! It's totally disrespectful for anyone to make those sort of threats to their partner, and even harsher of him to follow through on them.

Anyway, I'd say that judging by the fact that he isn't having regular or frequent sex with you or showing any interest in romance or affection, your relationship is effectively over, and even though it hurts, it's probably for the best that you snooped and found out about his lying and betrayals when you did. It sounds like otherwise, you might still be giving him the benefit of the doubt despite some of the suspicious signals and signs he's been displaying. I'm really sorry to say this, but you need to stop worrying about keeping secrets from him and having snooped, because you have much more serious problems on your hands. You say you need to know what you're dealing with as if you're not sure if he's actually being unfaithful, but from every indication, I think you have to assume he's definitely cheating. So I'd say you really need to confront him, but not just to apologize for snooping and keeping secrets, but instead to finally get some honest answers about his involvement with other women. I'm sorry you are going through another relationship trauma so soon after your divorce, but I'm afraid you deserve a lot better, more honest and respectful treatment than this man is showing you. I think you should take GE's advice and break up with him immediately, unless you are willing to stay in a relationship with a man who is sleeping with other women behind your back and lying to you about it (and potentially risking your health by doing so, as who knows if he is being careful or what the other women are up to). I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I do think you need to face up to what's going on here and decide how you want to proceed now that you have an overwhelmingly convincing preponderence of evidence that he is being unfaithful. I wish you the best of luck getting this resolved and getting on with your life...I think you deserve a lot better than you are getting now, and perhaps some time on your own would help you to build up your self-esteem again and realize that you deserve nothing less than a man who consistently respects you, adores you, and never fails to be honest and faithful to you.

 
Old 09-20-2005, 10:43 AM   #5
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

First of all, any man who says "keep me satisfied and you'll never give me a reason to cheat on you" is a man who 1) has no intention of taking any responsibility in the relationship 2) is totally unconcerned with your feelings, 3)feels that if he cheats, it will be your fault, not his, 4) doesn't realize that when things are wrong in a relationship, you turn toward each other to work them out, not outward toward someone else.

This guy has expressed luke warm feelings for you at best. He's unmoved by any and all love gestures you make. He's hooking up with women behind your back and is lying to you about it. He shows no interest in your home together. There are an awful lot of red flags here. I hate to be this blunt, but I'm going to tell you what I would want someone to tell me if I were in the same situation. He's clearly just not that into you, and probably never will be, so don't waste any more time with him. Dump him and move on. Good luck to you.

 
Old 09-20-2005, 11:58 AM   #6
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

Well, I don't know if I'm being naive, but from what I've been talking to him, he's not a cheater type. He's told me he never cheated on his girlfriends, but that was a long time ago... He could've changed. From what I know, when he hooked up with me, he was with this "****-toy" girlfriend as he called her and immediatelly dumped her over me. He wasn't really in love with her and he seemed to have fallen in love with me and I thought since we moved in together and he's introduced me to his parents and all, it's serious.
I'm not sure whether he's neccesarily sexually interested in this woman or just genuinely wants her as a friend.
BUT, that first time when I confronted him about her, he was saying he had the opportunnity to cheat, but he chose not to, because he chose me.
Well, that was then.... The first month after we moved in was pretty bad and I even suggested that we break up. I guess he was retaliating and therefore he contacted her. I just wish I knew what really happened.
Just so that you guys know, I was so in love with him first, that I went ahead and took on an STD that he has - warts. It's not the end of the world, but I was quite depressed for some time about it afterward and I realised it's gonna be very hard for me if I wanted to find a new partner now that I'm "tarnished".
But anyway, it's not that he's not trying to be affectionate with me. The lack of sex was initiated from my side, for some stressful issues we had.
He came back from a short trip he went to and was so sweet to me and said he really missed me.
I have no doubt about the fact that he does love me, but I know he's been reserved to some of my letters, takes me a bit for granted and of course the trust issue.... He's actually 5 years younger - only 24. He's not a sleep around type. He's only had about 5 sexual partners, but I always had this worry with him that one day he'll want to "explore more". I'm afraid that he might be afraid of settling down and seeking some excitement. Almost like a pre-midlife crisis.
Those letters are no proof he has actually cheated. Don't you guys think I should wait it out till I have some valid proof of cheating?! On the other hand I consider lying as cheating as well!
Yes, these are bad things, he's done, but I love him and I can't just freak out on him and leave!
My question is, should I confront him about this, or shoould I wait, snoop a little more (although I hate doing that!) and see wheather I'd find something more "serious". I just don't know whether I'll be able to not say anything when I see him next. He's out of town now and I'll be seeing him Friday, so till them I have to figure this out!
Thanks for your help!

 
Old 09-20-2005, 12:07 PM   #7
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

You've already snooped all you need to snoop to unearth his character. You have already confronted him and to do so again on the same topic, just a later chapter, would just be buying time.

Ask yourself if he represents in his actions the person you could trust in and believe in for the rest of your days. If not, you can rationalize until rationalizations no longer cover the things you see but don't want to accept.

These are not the behaviors of a person in love. Talk is cheap and love is nothing without the actions to back it up.

Tough spot. I feel for you. Seems obvious from this end, but I am not in your shoes.

 
Old 09-20-2005, 03:04 PM   #8
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

this relationship doesnt sound promising. he's already lieing on you and its been 9 months. I agree with the other posters take what dignity you have left and can him. this isnt love...

 
Old 09-21-2005, 02:01 AM   #9
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonstruckgrl
Well, I don't know if I'm being naive, but from what I've been talking to him, he's not a cheater type. He's told me he never cheated on his girlfriends, but that was a long time ago... He could've changed. From what I know, when he hooked up with me, he was with this "****-toy" girlfriend as he called her and immediatelly dumped her over me. He wasn't really in love with her and he seemed to have fallen in love with me and I thought since we moved in together and he's introduced me to his parents and all, it's serious. I'm not sure whether he's neccesarily sexually interested in this woman or just genuinely wants her as a friend. BUT, that first time when I confronted him about her, he was saying he had the opportunnity to cheat, but he chose not to, because he chose me. Well, that was then.... The first month after we moved in was pretty bad and I even suggested that we break up. I guess he was retaliating and therefore he contacted her. I just wish I knew what really happened. Just so that you guys know, I was so in love with him first, that I went ahead and took on an STD that he has - warts. It's not the end of the world, but I was quite depressed for some time about it afterward and I realised it's gonna be very hard for me if I wanted to find a new partner now that I'm "tarnished". But anyway, it's not that he's not trying to be affectionate with me. The lack of sex was initiated from my side, for some stressful issues we had. He came back from a short trip he went to and was so sweet to me and said he really missed me. I have no doubt about the fact that he does love me, but I know he's been reserved to some of my letters, takes me a bit for granted and of course the trust issue.... He's actually 5 years younger - only 24. He's not a sleep around type. He's only had about 5 sexual partners, but I always had this worry with him that one day he'll want to "explore more". I'm afraid that he might be afraid of settling down and seeking some excitement. Almost like a pre-midlife crisis. Those letters are no proof he has actually cheated. Don't you guys think I should wait it out till I have some valid proof of cheating?! On the other hand I consider lying as cheating as well! Yes, these are bad things, he's done, but I love him and I can't just freak out on him and leave! My question is, should I confront him about this, or shoould I wait, snoop a little more (although I hate doing that!) and see wheather I'd find something more "serious". I just don't know whether I'll be able to not say anything when I see him next. He's out of town now and I'll be seeing him Friday, so till them I have to figure this out! Thanks for your help!
I hate to be so blunt, but I do think the letters you found are proof that he is cheating on you. If he only wanted to be friends with this girl, he wouldn't have insisted on meeting her privately and that they both lie to their significant others about their rendezvous. He's already admitted to you that he's physically attracted to her and that she's looking for someone to get involved with, and it's pretty clear that that person is him. Besides, if he wasn't cheating with her, why would he call it a "clandestine rendezvous" and why would he keep changing email addresses? If he only wanted to be friends, he wouldn't need to hide their relationship from you...again I don't like to say this, but I'm 99% sure he's having an affair with this girl and probably with his ex too. That's mostly because he is hiding his emails from you and lying to you about contacting these girls, but it's also because he isn't pushing to have sex with you regularly and because he told you off the bat he would find another woman to sleep with unless you satisfied his sexual needs. Men don't stop wanting to have sex with their girlfriends unless they are either unsatisfied in the relationship or cheating, and in this case, all the signs are there that he's being unfaithful: you're arguing a lot, he's lying to you about talking with other women, making plans to meet them behind your back, changing his email accounts and passwords repeatedly so you can't read his communications with these women, losing interest in sex and romance with you, saying he needs time to think about how he feels in response to your love letter, etc.

I bet anything that if you could get into his current email account, you would find emails to the girl from the bus and his ex proving that he is having sex with them, as sad as that is to say. I think it's great that you're loyal and trusting and want to believe the best of him, but I also think you're putting your health at risk by failing to heed the warning signs that he's sexually involved with at least one other woman. Of course, your BF is the one who really bears the responsibility for jeopardizing your health, but nonetheless I am very worried about you emotionally and physically, because if he has already caught one sexually transmitted disease, the chances are pretty good that he is not being careful about always using condoms. I really think you need to protect yourself by finding out what exactly is going on...as you said, the fact that he changed his email yet again after you gained access to his second account is a huge red flag that he has something to hide, and if I were you, I'd insist on him logging into his account and letting you check his emails immediately after you confront him, without giving him an opportunity to delete any incriminating messages. I can't urge you strongly enough to confront him and not ignore all the warning signs of an affair here, if for no other reason than your health being in potential jeopardy.

It's a shame that you need to confront him, but he has given you ample reason to be suspicious, and if he is not cheating, then he will understand your need to make sure of that in order to protect yourself. The only reason I can see why he would object to letting you see his messages is if he indeed is lying to you and being unfaithful. You NEED to confront him for the sake of your own emotional and physical well-being. He may be upset about your snooping, but I suspect that is only because he knows you have caught him sending incriminating messages to other women. Reading his email is not at all a big deal or a betrayal of trust when compared to betraying your trust, lying, and having potentially unsafe sex with other women. If he makes a big deal about your snooping and refuses to allow you to see his new email account, then you can be sure that he is unfortunately cheating, just as many signs suggest. I'm sorry to keep being suspicious of your boyfriend and reiterating the same points, but I am just really concerned about you being betrayed and jeopardized by his shady behavior.

I don't even think the main issue here is that his actions aren't those of someone who is in love, as other posters have highlighted, though I agree with their assessments. My primary concern is for your health and safety, and from everything I've heard, I'm afraid you need to find out once and for all whether or not your boyfriend is putting you at risk. Even if you discover that he isn't cheating currently, I still don't think you can or should trust this man not to betray you, judging from what you've described him saying and doing so far. Again, you're obviously a good-hearted and trusting person to believe that he's not the cheating type, but I'm afraid that you can't afford to take that on faith because of all the evidence suggesting he may be deceiving you. From the way he talks so rudely and disrespectfully about his ex-girlfriend and warned you that he'll cheat if you don't satisfy his sexual needs, it seems pretty clear that he doesn't respect women or understand the importance of being faithful and honest with his girlfriends. Your fears that he is not ready to settle down without experiencing sex with more women seem to be warranted by what he's said and done, and you need to put your own health before your fear of confronting him and demand firm answers as to whether or not he's cheating. I really hope that we are wrong about him being unfaithful, but either way, he doesn't sound like the kind of loving, trustworthy, caring, and respectful boyfriend a sweet girl like you deserves. I DEFINITELY don't think you should wait until you have more solid proof of an affair, because what you already know is extremely suspicious and risky. You need to protect yourself by confronting him ASAP and I strongly suggest that you also leave the relationship, regardless of how he responds to your questions about his fidelity. Unfortunately, this seems to be a pretty clearcut situation of a nice, trusting woman having a disrespectful, sleazy guy who doesn't appreciate all the love she has to offer taking advantage of her kind and understanding nature. Again, I hope I'm wrong about him cheating, but all the signs are there, and you need to find out for certain what is going on. Your snooping is not a big deal compared to what he may be doing, so please don't hesitate to confront him and demand answers at the first possible opportunity...good luck!!

 
Old 09-23-2005, 03:26 AM   #10
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

Hi moonstruck girl (quite a romantic nickname ,

Here's my guy's point of view on your situation:
For your boyfriend, sex is an important part of your relationship. If for some reason he is dissatisfied with how your sex life is going, he may not have the skills to communicate that to you, or he'd rather settle for less for fear of not offending you (I doubt the latter - you said he can be painfully honest). What you can do:
  • try to spice up your sex life - plenty of resources on the net (http://www.the-penis.com/sextech.html is a good start)
  • ask him what his fantasies are, and see what you can fulfill
  • if you think he and the rest of your relationship are worth it, and the lack of sexual variety is the problem, investigate honestly open relationships (http://bcimages.baycouples.com/bc/articles/why_join_swinging.html)

On the other hand he's "I have to think about it" answer to your love letter puzzles me. Maybe he has lost interest in you. Is he the type who'd be afraid of breaking the relationship? If yes, it will be a relief for him if you propose that you want to end the relationship. Otherwise, I don't think he'll suffer too much if you break up anyway, so see if you can handle it.

Oh, and after you get over him, listen to "Tom Petty - Free Fallin'" :-)

 
Old 09-23-2005, 03:43 AM   #11
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eaglesgirl37
I hate to be so blunt, but I do think the letters you found are proof that he is cheating on you. If he only wanted to be friends with this girl, he wouldn't have insisted on meeting her privately and that they both lie to their significant others about their rendezvous.
I don't think this is the case of moonstruckgrl, but maybe her boyfriend is afraid of her possibly jealous reaction. My ex-girlfriend was so jealous and suspicious that after I helped another girl (a friend of her) with her computer a couple of times at her place (no touching ;-), the next time she needed help, I simply preferred to conceal to my ex the fact that I went at some other girl's place. My ex would simply not believe me that I had nothing to do with her friend. So I just avoided a bunch of bickering and suspicions.

 
Old 09-23-2005, 04:40 AM   #12
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

Quote:
Originally Posted by knowledge_miner
I don't think this is the case of moonstruckgrl, but maybe her boyfriend is afraid of her possibly jealous reaction. My ex-girlfriend was so jealous and suspicious that after I helped another girl (a friend of her) with her computer a couple of times at her place (no touching ;-), the next time she needed help, I simply preferred to conceal to my ex the fact that I went at some other girl's place. My ex would simply not believe me that I had nothing to do with her friend. So I just avoided a bunch of bickering and suspicions.

This quote from moonstruck would seem to counter the likelihood that he his just trying to be a good citizen helper:

Quote:
He was asking for her number so that he can call her and set up a "clandestine randezvous". He was asking whether she'd prefer a cozy bar to a pub etc. Also he wrote that he will have to make up an excuse to meet her, so that I don't know about it.

Last edited by Music4All; 09-23-2005 at 04:50 AM.

 
Old 09-26-2005, 10:41 PM   #13
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

Thanks to everybody for their insight and opinions. knowledge_miner's answer brought a breath of fresh air,in terms of actually focusing on what could've been my share of the deal.
I was thinking a lot and realised, that whenever our partners are unsatisfied we are part of the problem.
So I went back in time to around the time this all has happened and realised that our relationship was going quite bad. I was quite cold to him and even said I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore. To defend why I felt this way, let me just tell you, he was frustrating me a lot! However, we just moved and I was quite on edge, as the place had a lot of fixing up to do and he wasn't participating. On the other hand he was working very long hours outside in the heat, so no wonder he didn't feel like doing much after he got home. I failed to realise that then...
And that was precisely the reason, why he reacted with reservations to my love letter.
So anyway, we had a talk during the weekend where I brought up the issue of the girl from the bus (I didn't say though, that I snooped again - I saw no point in confronting/attacking him like that. It would've only made it worse). So he did tell me they communicated since that first time and he said it was because he was feeling lonely and unloved. After that mail exchange allegedly nothing happened, because things got better with us and he felt no need to meet somebody. The reason he wanted to meet her was to have some interaction with a female, (not sexual) since he felt so deprived. Now, I don't approve flirting or whatever this should be called, but I do trust him, that he didn't go further with this.
I think he was just trying to proove to himself, that "he still has it". He's a kind of guy that needs constant admiration and attention.
I guess, we can say our relationship could be jeopardised, whenever times aren't good, but I hope to still talk to him, that running to another woman is not a solution when the two of us are having a problem.
He didn't realise that why I was so angry with him back then, was his ignorance. Instead of looking within himself, what the problem could be (and boy, did I point it out to him!) he was looking for "soothing" conversations elsewhere. That's quite whimpy, but he still has to learn and I still have patience with him, because I see potential.
I don't think freaking out and breaking up with somebody for however suspicious reasons is a solution. The society today is doing that too much! There's much more closenes within a couple if you're able to sail through some hard times and stay together - and learn from it.

P.S. knowledge_miner - thanks for the comment on my nickname. The phrase is from the movie "Moonstruck" and there was a time I really felt that way.... haha

Last edited by moonstruckgrl; 09-26-2005 at 10:53 PM.

 
Old 09-27-2005, 02:47 AM   #14
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

I truly hope everything works out for the best for you. I'm still worried about you though and I really hope you use condoms from now on if you aren't already. I know what KM is saying, but this seems like a different situation than going to help a friend with her computer and telling a white lie by omission. I just think that when men have problems and little sex in their relationships and they respond by meeting up with women whom they know "want them," using words like clandestine rendezvous at bars, "working really late" all the time, and repeatedly changing their email addresses so their partners can't read the messages they exchange with the people they are lying in order to rendezvous with, there is or was something really shady going on. That's deliberately deceiving you and acting as if he has something to hide, though it's hard to know exactly what. While I wouldn't have accepted his claim that it's all innocent, you know him better than I do, and it's good that you're working on things and have decided to trust him as long as you stay aware of what's going on and not ignore red flags in order to make your relationship work. Did you ask why he changed his email address and if you can read his mail? I'd be interested to know how he explains that if you don't mind keeping us updated. I'm sorry to sound negative, because I don't want anything to disappoint you, but I just wanted to emphasize the importance of using condoms each and every time and wish you well, while simultaneously encouraging you to keep your eyes wide open and look out for your own best interests. I really do hope everything goes well and turns out for the best...good luck and take good care of yourself, OK?

 
Old 09-27-2005, 12:14 PM   #15
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Re: Please help! To tell or not to tell? Tormented!

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonstruckgrl
So I went back in time to around the time this all has happened and realised that our relationship was going quite bad. I was quite cold to him and even said I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore.
Had this bit of information been provided, there may have been additional respones more directly beneficial to you and your request for suggestions. WIthout it, your bf iss the obvious villain. With it, it at least changes the perspective.

 
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