Just broken up with b/f - don't have many friends - Relationship Health Message Board

veggie girl · 09-24-2005, 12:29 PM

I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. He was the closest person to me and was always there for me - and I'm realized how truly alone I am now that I don't have him to call.

I seem to have lots of acquaintances but very few people I can truly call friends. How do I make new friends? I'm a girl and seem to make guy friends really easily - esp. considering guys readiness and willingness to hang out. But, how do I make more female friends?? Girls seem to like me and respond positively to me but nothing ever happens beyond that point. Also, I'm not the kind of person who can just hang out with someone I don't feel a connection with, I'd prefer people that I have a lot in common with.

Also, I live in the city which makes it even more difficult being that people are just so busy with work, school etc or are too broke to go out. I also don't live anywhere near anyone I know.

Thanks for any advice.

tamsynn · 09-24-2005, 01:31 PM

hi i hope the breakup wasnt too bad,sometimes they can get very nasty...

When relationships end we sometimes feel very alone anyway due to your ex partner usually being the most constant person in our lives, seeing them, talking to them and thinking about them constantly.
In my experience the most thing i have ever missed about a ex partner is the constant contact but it gets easier as time passes..trust me!
You say that you only broke up a few days ago? well is it possible that what you are feeling is just lonely-ness due to the sudden cut-off of that contact?

I dont know how long you were seeing your b/f but for example say it was a year, well think back to the time before you were seeing him, did you have alot of friends then or were things just as they are now that you are not seeing him again?

You say that you have male friends, well im sure some of them have girlfriends so maybe you could suggest a night out with all your male friends and if they bring there girlfriennds or just some female friends then get chatting to the girls and suggest a night out-all of you girls- without the men..its a good way to try and get to know them better when you are out, without the men and i can gurantee you that the girls will be up for it as us women are always up for a night out without the men..girls always love a ''girls night out''

Another way to get to know women and more men is in work, i dont know what kind of job you work in or what the female/male ratio is like in your work place but there are always nights when people from work will all go out for a few drinks after work and if that opportunity comes up then you should go along and then if you get talking to someone or a few people that you feel that you like then you could suggest you all go out some time..

I know it is not easy to make new friends, especially when you are a bit older..god if it was only as easy as when we were kids!!!
The important thing to rememeber is to be friendly and open to people and you should have no problem!
Also i dont mean to sound presumptious or anything but when you do make these friends and then you get a new boyfriend you have to make sure that you dont cut your friends off just becuase you have a b/f..im not saying thats what you do or anything but just make sure you dont cos' people hate that..

I hope i helped..

good luck,

Tamsynn!

veggie girl · 09-24-2005, 05:20 PM

Awww...thanks Tamsynn, I really appreciate the response.

There are girls at my job (about 4) but I'm the new one and they're already been friends for over a year so its a bit cliquish. They're really cool with me but there are no offers to hang out after work - though, we work opposite shifts, so it makes it a little more difficult.

I've been making an extra effort lately, giving my number more to chicks, but they don't call much. NOw guys, thats easy!! You give 'em your number and the next day yo'ure out getting drinks 'n stuff, but girls, I dunno, they either don't like to hang out or they don't like me!!

BTW. I was seeing my bf for about 2 years and b4 that, i was seeing a guy (the love of my life) for 5 years. most of my friends have been guys. I've been trying to reduce my girl:guy ratio but the guy side keeps growing!! I've just made a really cool new friend over the past 4 months and we've hung out a lot - but he's interested in me so i know its not PURELY platonic. I do have 2 female friends who i've started to call more often. But, you know, chicks just don't seem to want to hang out!! whats with that??!!

I know this might sound a bit crazy, but I'm a very outgoing person (in public) and was wondering if its possible that people think I already have enough friends?!! I have read that very social people are slightly intimidating to others who feel they'll have no room for them in their lives. Could this possiblly be the case? or do i just suck?!

tamsynn · 09-26-2005, 03:10 AM

Well you dont suck anyway!

u seem really nice and genuine so that should attract people to you, i think anyway..

maybe it is the case that people are intimidated by you as you are so outgoing etc but have you thought of just biting the bullet and one day asking these girls out with you after work for a drink or a movie or something to eat.
If you dont want to be that direct then you could try dropping a hint, like ''what are you all up to later'' and then see what there response is,if its ''oh no plans yet'' then that would be the perfect time to pounce!! no i mean then you could be like ''well do you's fancy coming for a drink''

I know its hard when you first start a job or new college or whatever cos everyone is already friends but you have to squeeze yourself in there!! lol!!

It will happen soon, im sure of it.

You know girls are just strange! they are not as accecpting of us as men are..unfortunatley!
you just have to keep trying

veggie girl · 09-26-2005, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tamsynn

You know girls are just strange! they are not as accecpting of us as men are..unfortunatley!

You got that right!! haha