Never been close to anyone? - Relationship Health Message Board

skyguy · 09-24-2005, 04:30 PM

Here's my problem. I don't feel like I have ever been close to anyone. I don't even feel love for my family. It's crazy.

I was dating a girl, an awesome girl, better than I could ever deserve, and there was nothing not to like about her. We were only going out about 2 months. She mentioned when she broke up with me that I didn't let her get close to me. Problem is, i don't think I know how. I am 23 years old and I have never felt close to anyone. I think about this girl all the time, yet I still can't say for sure I have feelings for her. How do you get close to someone? How can I be so immature that I can't be in a healthy relationship?

Hiya · 09-24-2005, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skyguy

Here's my problem. I don't feel like I have ever been close to anyone. I don't even feel love for my family. It's crazy.

I was dating a girl, an awesome girl, better than I could ever deserve, and there was nothing not to like about her. We were only going out about 2 months. She mentioned when she broke up with me that I didn't let her get close to me. Problem is, i don't think I know how. I am 23 years old and I have never felt close to anyone. I think about this girl all the time, yet I still can't say for sure I have feelings for her. How do you get close to someone? How can I be so immature that I can't be in a healthy relationship?

I don't think it's a matter of being immature. Even small children can be capable of feelings of emotional intimacy and closeness. Could it be some kind of disassociative disorder? Do you ever remember a time when you felt "warm fuzzies" for someone, anyone? Perhaps it's something you should discuss with a professional?

skyguy · 09-24-2005, 05:17 PM

You are right there. I think I am fairly mature, even for my age, just not when it comes to interpersonal relations.

Early on when we were together we were looking at photographs I had taken, and we were sitting on the couch and I was all excited and nervous just because our shoulders where touching(Yeah, kind of humorously pathetic for a 23year old). Then another time I had to fly 1000 miles away to visit my family and I have never been so paranoid of a plane crashing I was worried I would never get to see her again. THen all the time I was away I was constantly thinking about how much I wanted to be with her. Definitley had warm fuzzies then.

greeneyes100 · 09-25-2005, 06:05 AM

It sounds like you do have the capability to get close to someone, but when you start feeling these feelings, you pull back. You mentioned in your post how you think about this girl all the time (at least you did in the beginning) and got excited when you touched her. This signifies feelings of closeness and attachment.

For some reason, intimacy may frighten you or you have not learned how to show affection to someone else. You might need to get some counseling to get to the root of these problems. Are you still seeing this girl you mentioned in your post? If you still have feelings for her, maybe you should get in touch with her and let her know what you are feeling. Hope you can work it out.

skyguy · 09-25-2005, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greeneyes100

It sounds like you do have the capability to get close to someone, but when you start feeling these feelings, you pull back. You mentioned in your post how you think about this girl all the time (at least you did in the beginning) and got excited when you touched her. This signifies feelings of closeness and attachment.

For some reason, intimacy may frighten you or you have not learned how to show affection to someone else. You might need to get some counseling to get to the root of these problems. Are you still seeing this girl you mentioned in your post? If you still have feelings for her, maybe you should get in touch with her and let her know what you are feeling. Hope you can work it out.

I am not still seeing her. I kind of ruined that relationship. I have hope for it sometime in the future, but that maybe foolish.

I have a lot of anxiety. I get anxious about physical problems and the current situation of my life. I get anxious about my teeth(they are pretty bad), my skin, I have moderate acne on my face and pretty bad acne on my body(makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin, like I am diseased or something), my eyes(I have poor vision and it get's me down as my eyes feel strained all the time by my contacts and I HATE glasses), my job(I hate my job, and every morning I dread going, though I can get by). I was also anxious about touching her. I was just afraid to do it the way a teenager is afraid. As we spent more and more time together and I got no closer to being comfortable touching her I just got more and more anxious, until it dominated my thoughts when I was around her. I think that is a big part of why I feel so uncertain about my feelings towards her. All that anxiety manifested itself in ways that made her think we ought not to be together. Every now and then I get what you could call glimpses of how I might actually feel about her. I just get the feeling like I am totally devoted to her, would do anything for her, and would just love to be around her all the time. Then at other times, it's just blah, nothing. I just don't know what's up with me.