stacykgb20

I am so sorry that you are going through such a painful ordeal...I know how hurtful and devestating it is when someone you love and want to spend your future with ends your relationship unexpectedly. However, since you asked for honest feedback, I must say that reading your post, my first thought was, wow, he sounds really controlling, and I'm not surprised she broke things off. To try to prevent her from taking a vacation with her family strikes me as way over the top, as is calling her twenty times in one day, and from what you've shared already, I can definitely understand why she thinks you're trying to control her much more than she's comfortable with (particularly if you also try to prevent her from doing other things she enjoys without you). I think that in order for a relationship to work in the future, either with her or with another woman, you are going to need to learn to back off, not just allow but encourage her to have a life outside of your relationship, stop trying to tell her what to do and control her, and back off in terms of putting less pressure on her and being less intense and overbearing toward her.

It sounds like you're both pretty young and this is your first serious relationship, am I right about that? I know you don't want to hear this, but you can't make someone want to be with you if they no longer want to continue the relationship. For a healthy, happy relationship to prosper, both partners must be equally enthusiastic and committed to being together. I really don't mean to be harsh, but if you want to save this relatoinship (which unfortunately doesn't sound too likely), you are going to need to make some serious changes in your attitude and behavior. Her saying you are too controlling isn't just an excuse to get out of the relationship, it's genuinely the way she feels, and sounds like it might be pretty accurate. I don't mean to be too blunt here, but doing more of the same in terms of smothering her by calling all the time, trying to be with her all the time, telling her what she can and can't do, etc. is only going to drive her further away. She is not at all attracted to that kind of overbearing and controlling behavior, and even though I can understand the tendency to act that way toward someone you love, particularly if you lack a lot of relationship experience, it's usually toxic to at relationship. The tighter you hold onto someone you love, the more likely they are to squirm away. People and relationships need time apart, space to breathe, and freedom to enjoy life as an individual and develop into independent adults. Smothering her and controlling her will backfire; if you are to have a chance of resurrecting your relationship, you basically need to act exactly the opposite of the way you've been acting. Give her time on her own to think, space to consider whether she really wants to be alone, and hopefully that will give her an opportunity to miss you and appreciate you. The more you are in her face and pressuring her to be with you and do what you want, the more she'll be turned off and want to run in the opposite direction. I've had a number of exes act like you are when they sense me withdrawing...they responded by trying to keep a tighter reign on me, restricting my freedom, and clinging to me as closely as possible, all of which only drove me further away, often into the arms of another man who was refreshingly independent, self-sufficient and not at all demanding or needy. Anyway, I think you should try to respect her decision and do exactly the opposite of anything that she could interpret as controlling...that's your best shot at changing her mind, but to be honest, I think you also need to prepare for the possibility that she will be firm in her decision to leave you. Though you don't feel the same way and don't want to end the relationship, there's unfortunately nothing you can do about it if that's what she chooses, as you can't force someone to want to be with you if they don't feel that way voluntarily. I hope things work out for the best and that you learn some valuable love lessons from this experience no matter what--take care and good luck! And remember that everything has a way of turning out for the best and working out in the end, no matter how painful the path may be along the way.