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Old 10-07-2005, 08:04 AM   #1
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Hiya HB User
What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

I have a male friend, (the FFWB)sort of, who is having a birthday party tomorrow night and has invited me to come. Some acquaintances I get on well with will be there, but he forwarned me that my ex will probably be there as well. I don't know for sure he will be there, but at first, my knee-jerk reaction was "No way, I'm not coming." Which I thought would be the right thing to do, but for some reason, this morning driving into work, something just said to me "You're being stupid!" On the one hand, I'm afraid of how I will react to seeing him again, especially with the tube-tied elephant hanging off him, but on the other hand, something tells me that this is an opportunity, but I'm not sure for what. Closure, a chance to just show my face and be brave and show he didn't break me, something like that? But is that really important now? I'm just not sure. Plus, if the TTE smirks at me again like she did before, I'm afraid I'll jump on her and pound on her till someone has to pry her hair out of my shaking, white-knuckled hands!

Anyway, just not sure what would be the best course at this point. I know in the end it has to be what feels right for me, but just would like a little feed back.

Last edited by Hiya; 10-07-2005 at 08:27 AM.

 
Old 10-07-2005, 08:21 AM   #2
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Go, go, go You are right Nini, you need the closure!!! Many a time you have come here and told us about what you dream of, what you imagine, what you perceive....this will be the real moment for you to finally face your biggest fears!!! You really need to go!!!

Wow...this is a once and a lifetime opportunity and perhaps just what you need to move forward. I know that you have your reservations but Nini, you can do it!!!

Yes, finally you can see the TTE and you will laugh...you will be able to at least see some humor in as awkward situation thanks to our dear friend Heartland!!!

Go...and if you get the least bit uncomfortable just think about our circus scenario....just like we tell those who have stage fright to think of their audience in their fruit of the looms

We are with you all the way.....accept the invitation and when you get the jitters come here and we will surely help you through!!!

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 10-07-2005 at 08:22 AM.

 
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Old 10-07-2005, 08:44 AM   #3
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Defintely should go. I agree with all Goody said. Besides, why shouldn't you go and have a good time for yourself just because of who else will be there. Let that be their problwm.
If it starts getting rough, just think of all us here, surrounding you and holding your hand. We WILL be with you in spirit the whole time. I promise I will be anyway.

 
Old 10-07-2005, 09:22 AM   #4
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Hiya HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Thanks guys. I was so dead set against it last night, but this morning, that little voice in my head was so strong, telling me I'd be stupid to pass up this chance to finally face it and put it all behind me. It's been my experience that when that little voice is that strong, you'd better listen!

My main concern is I just don't want to embarrass myself. I'm afraid I'll start shaking, or break out in tears, or get into it with the TTE, and I don't want any of that. But I'll pray on it and think on it some more, but I'll probably go. Whheeeewww!

 
Old 10-07-2005, 09:22 AM   #5
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SophiaM HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

I also think you should go. If you start feeling too uncomfortable, you can always leave whenever you want to. I think you want to go and face this situation, so you should Nini!

 
Old 10-07-2005, 09:33 AM   #6
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiya
Thanks guys. I was so dead set against it last night, but this morning, that little voice in my head was so strong, telling me I'd be stupid to pass up this chance to finally face it and put it all behind me. It's been my experience that when that little voice is that strong, you'd better listen!

My main concern is I just don't want to embarrass myself. I'm afraid I'll start shaking, or break out in tears, or get into it with the TTE, and I don't want any of that. But I'll pray on it and think on it some more, but I'll probably go. Whheeeewww!
Good for you, Nini!! yes that little voice is advising you well...I always thought you had a wonderful conscience

Anyway...I like LostMyHeart's advice....when and if you get to the point that you may cry or feel as if you may say something that will embaress you, picture all of us holding your hand and there to help you handle whatever situation that may come. In fact imagine the whole bunch of us going in with you...we will definitely be there in spirit. You will be fine and I personally cannot wait to hear all about it.

Are you going with the FWB guy??? Perhaps you can line him up to get you out of a situation such as a hand signal or gesture like rubbing your forehead where he comes to your side or suggests it's time to go...whatever makes it easier.....having a friend to get you out of there will be a good plan. What do you think about that?? ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 10-07-2005 at 09:38 AM.

 
Old 10-07-2005, 09:38 AM   #7
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

If you think it will help you out and come out of it a better person, go for it. If you think or have doubts about the final out come, then think it over carefully.

I don't think you should be taking out your frustrations on the girl as much as your ex, if it gets that far, although I hope it doesn't.

If you go, hold your head up high and smile. Be happy to be among your real friends. Say hi to the ex if you end up seeing him there and don't let him get to you. In the past you've stated he had a habit of making rude remarks toward you in front of everyone. Don't let him get away with it if he tries that again. Be prepared to expect it and don't let him get away with it, but don't get confrontational about it either. Your are very intelligent Nini... you should have no problem handling this creep.

Go and have fun with your friends.

Hoop!

 
Old 10-07-2005, 09:59 AM   #8
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Hiya HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz
Good for you, Nini!! yes that little voice is advising you well...I always thought you had a wonderful conscience

Anyway...I like LostMyHeart's advice....when and if you get to the point that you may cry or feel as if you may say something that will embaress you, picture all of us holding your hand and there to help you handle whatever situation that may come. In fact imagine the whole bunch of us going inwith you...we will definitely be ther in spirit. You will be fine and I personally cannot wait to hear all about it.

Are you going with the FWB guy??? Perhaps you can line him up to get you out of a situation such as a hand signal or gesture like rubbing your forehead where he comes to your side or suggests it's time to go...whatever makes it easier.....having a friend to get you out of there will be a good plan. What do you think about that?? ~ Goody
Well, the party will be at the FFWB's place, so I'll be going and leaving alone, but there will some people there I know, and one guy who always fawns over me, so I think I can take them aside one at a time and ask them to sort of check in with me and offer a little extra support.

And Hoop! You're right. I really don't want to start anything with the TTE, or even talk to her or whatever. I just don't want her starting any garbage with me. The way she looked at me when we ran into each other several years ago tells me that she might be the type to start crap. I've never been good with confrontation. I'mlousy with my words. My ears start pounding, my eyes get small, my heart races, and my mind goes blank, and I think of words to say, all I want to do is attack, and of course I can't so I usually just end up crying. I hate that about myself! But I may be stressing for nothing. He may not even come, and if he does, she may not even come with him, and if she does, there should be enough people there for us to avoid each other.

Last edited by Hiya; 10-07-2005 at 10:18 AM.

 
Old 10-07-2005, 10:19 AM   #9
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Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Having been in situations like this where I'm obsessing about how nervous I'll be, what got me through it is pretending that I'm an actress playing a role.

Pick the role, i.e. - internationally recognized competent business woman (or whatever will give you confidence) and then just pretend that's who you are.

I know it sounds silly, but it really worked for me. I used to be horrendously shy, started pretending that I'm not, and now it's just a new part of my personality. People are always surprised when I confide that I'm actually a shy person.

Best of luck to you! We'll all be here sending positive vibes your way.

 
Old 10-07-2005, 10:30 AM   #10
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Great idea. Art!!! Nini, you could do that....from what we see of you here you can definitely do that...pretend to be Diane Lane or Signorney Weaver...Glene Close would be another good one

Heck, whatever it takes..you are not going to cry!! Nope....you are going to go in there strong & confident and come out feeling like you just left the boxing ring with your first knockout!!!

Good idea to have at least one friend as an out...to be there to escort you out if necessary. And the others to come & go checking in with you every once in a while.

You will be just fine...you know Nini, it is amazing but with all the support I have gotten here I have found that I am getting to deal with real life situations so much easier b just pretending I am offering advice to myself as I would others in the same situation. It has really helped when dealing with my MIL....it is amazing how well it helps knowing what you get out of being here with such wonderful people. So I have a feeling that you will do just fine. Go Nini....go....we are rooting for you ~ Goody

 
Old 10-07-2005, 01:46 PM   #11
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Hiya HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz
Great idea. Art!!! Nini, you could do that....from what we see of you here you can definitely do that...pretend to be Diane Lane or Signorney Weaver...Glene Close would be another good one

Heck, whatever it takes..you are not going to cry!! Nope....you are going to go in there strong & confident and come out feeling like you just left the boxing ring with your first knockout!!!

Good idea to have at least one friend as an out...to be there to escort you out if necessary. And the others to come & go checking in with you every once in a while.

You will be just fine...you know Nini, it is amazing but with all the support I have gotten here I have found that I am getting to deal with real life situations so much easier b just pretending I am offering advice to myself as I would others in the same situation. It has really helped when dealing with my MIL....it is amazing how well it helps knowing what you get out of being here with such wonderful people. So I have a feeling that you will do just fine. Go Nini....go....we are rooting for you ~ Goody
Thanks heaps everyone. I just talked to the FFWB and it's not tomorrow, but he's planning it for a week from tomorrow, which is actually good because it will give me time to practice my guitar and see if can't slim down just a tad to put my best foot forward and feel as confident as possible. We'll see what happens. Will I choke? Will I finally get to say all the things I've wanted to say for so long? Will it all suddenly seem unimportant? Will I take one look at him and think "I've been making myself miserable for almost a decade over THAT??!!" Who knows? I'll let you know next week!

 
Old 10-07-2005, 03:35 PM   #12
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evy38 HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiya
I have a male friend, (the FFWB)sort of, who is having a birthday party tomorrow night and has invited me to come. Some acquaintances I get on well with will be there, but he forwarned me that my ex will probably be there as well. I don't know for sure he will be there, but at first, my knee-jerk reaction was "No way, I'm not coming." Which I thought would be the right thing to do, but for some reason, this morning driving into work, something just said to me "You're being stupid!" On the one hand, I'm afraid of how I will react to seeing him again, especially with the tube-tied elephant hanging off him, but on the other hand, something tells me that this is an opportunity, but I'm not sure for what. Closure, a chance to just show my face and be brave and show he didn't break me, something like that? But is that really important now? I'm just not sure. Plus, if the TTE smirks at me again like she did before, I'm afraid I'll jump on her and pound on her till someone has to pry her hair out of my shaking, white-knuckled hands!

Anyway, just not sure what would be the best course at this point. I know in the end it has to be what feels right for me, but just would like a little feed back.
I say go Nini! I say go with bells on! This is an opportunity for you. You haven't seen him in so long and you've kind of put him in a past where you know the relationship was bad, but you seem to concentrate on only the emotionally good times. He's almost become a fictional character for you. This will give you a chance to see him as a slightly messed up man, a mere mortal like you or me.
And, what the heck, if you have to take her down to get over this guy, then take her DOWN. Take a deep breath, look your best, realize that you are the SMARTEST you've ever been, the most TOGETHER you've ever been, the STRONGEST you've ever been. Let him KNOW he can't hurt you ever again! You will feel better then you have in years, once you've shown him he isn't your world anymore. You know why? Because YOU will realize he isn't your world anymore. Facing your biggest fears and conquering them is one of lifes' best highs.
Evy

Last edited by evy38; 10-07-2005 at 03:37 PM.

 
Old 10-07-2005, 03:39 PM   #13
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

The last time I had a strange urging like you described I ended up in the right place at the right time to meet Mr. Ruth....
Who says the evening has anything to do with your ex!!!!

 
Old 10-07-2005, 03:53 PM   #14
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Hiya HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

I thought of that, too, Ruth! You never know, right?




Quote:
Originally Posted by evy38
And, what the heck, if you have to take her down to get over this guy, then take her DOWN.
Evy
Just the thought does tickle me. Am I wicked or what?

 
Old 10-07-2005, 10:44 PM   #15
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soulster HB User
Re: What do you suggest - a little feeback, please

Definately you should go Hiya, for all the reasons everyone has already said Maybe he has aged, is overweight, bald with a personality to fit... hehe.. that would make getting over him a lot easier

 
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