Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and he still won't share his feelings with me. He never shows that he is sad or that his feelings are hurt, or shares any feelings of that matter. Everyone I confront him about it, he just gets edgy. He grew up with a mother that was the exact same way. I have tried to tell him what I mean about being emotionally close, but he just doesn't understand. Other than that, he is a good boyfriend. We never fight and he would never cheat on me. Does anyone else have this problem?
You know, I broke up this summer with a guy like that. He said his Dad always told him that "men don't show their feelings". Funny, he couldn't stand his Dad, but he still followed his guidelines like "you must clean your plate", so my boyfriend did, even if he was full or didn't like the food.
Anyway, there was nothing I could do or say to get him to express himself. I couldn't tell how he was feeling. Even his tone of voice wouldn't change. This was another aspect of him that made him so dull.
Is your boyfriend boring, too? We broke up because he was so boring (and cheap, but that's another story). I doubt your boyfriend is going to change.
Thanks for the reply. No, he is not boring. We have fun together joking around and such, he just doesn't say what he is feeling. His response to getting hurt is clamming up. Do you think it is possible that maybe he just doesn't know HOW to show is feelings?
I have the same type of boyfriend. And you know what? I had to learn my boyfriend. Whatever it is that he is not verbally saying, his actions are screaming. When he is sad, he wants to sit around watching movies, not just any movie, but the movie he has seen like a kabillion times over and over. When he is upset, he wants to be around his brother or his best friend. When he is feeling affectionate, he plays with me, like play wrestling or something.
He does the little things too. Like call me and tell me a joke he read on a LaffyTaffy wrapper.
Be patient. And trust your own instincts. If you feel good around him and he is treating you well. You doing good. Don't be like me, just looking for problems.
Exactly what sweethome says...join the club. Your relationship sort of sounds like mine and my husband. When I began dating him 4 years ago he wouldn't tell me how he felt, wouldn't just say "I Love You" out of the blue, wouldn't tell me if he was angry...I would just know. Most men are like this (from my experiences) Crying? Not allowed. Overtime the though, you do pick up on the signals. Like you, my husband and I get along GREAT. We have fun, we joke around, we talk about other things like sports, I have tried over the years to pay attention to the things he likes so we have things to talk about. Occassionally have a heart to heart. There have been times were I have broken down and cried to him and asked were this relationship was going and that I needed him to be a little more aware of what I want and how I feel (Afterall, relationships are 50/50 not 100% woman) I would NEVER have broken up over this only because we have worked on this, he has changed since we first met (again 4 years ago!) I love him, he loves me, and w have 2 beautiful kids together. We just work.I don't know how to explain it. I knew I would marry him the first week we were introduced. And I'll tell you a secret..the more you really push him (on certain things)the longer it might take. There are some things you have to accept about him if you want to stay with him. That was my choice. I accepted what I could not change. I let him be him and he respects the hell out me for it. What I never accepted was if he treated me bad in anyway. (sometimes guys can get tooooo comfortable) I would just put him in his place if he was having a bad day or whatever.And in the four years of us being together...I have only seen him cry once and it scared the hell out of me. I would rather not see a man cry at every little thing. He cried when our bestfriend was killed in an accident 3 months ago. So, I do know he has feelings. I just think you should take a look at the whole relationship..try not to focus so much on this little detail...because you might lose something great if you do. I hope you can work this out with him. I'm glad I worked it out with mine.
Last edited by missTee; 10-14-2005 at 01:23 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to missTee For This Useful Post: Missmeforever (09-06-2012)
Well, to an extent I think it is normal for a guy not to show his feelings, mainly because that his how society has come to be. My boyfriend shows emotion, just not SAD emotion. Hes told me that its been YEARS since hes cried. The best thing you can do is tell him "Hey, look. I understand that you are very emotional. I just want you to know what if you ever want to talk, etc... I listen and understand." Maybe over time he will open up. Otherwise, any anger emotions or sadness might fester up inside, and he will EVENTUALLY have to release it, and be careful... it might be toward you.