Goodbye letter for hubby - Relationship Health Message Board

Rita05 · 10-25-2005, 09:05 AM

would appreciate your feedbak on this letter that I am going to give my husband:

"Looking back at our relationship over the last 18 months in extreme frustration and disbelief, I can’t think of one particular event that triggered all this bitterness to each other and all of this uncontrollable anger inside of me. All our troubles did exist right from the start. It may be that living closer, we were able to see clearer?

Looking ahead, I unfortunately see no hope. You are extremely self-centred. I am extremely in need of someone to share life with. Your many broken promises made me finally realise that it would be a waste of life to keep hoping that things would get better. At some point, you made me very insecure to the point that I dreaded loss unnecessarily. I lost belief, trust, and the motivation to do anything. You didn’t show me the nicest places, you made me live the worst memories of my life here, and my entire life altogether. You were happy to put me down in every way possible, to call me jealous of everyone, to intimidate me if I wanted to express my refusal to your treatment.

As you know, life is so short and our routs are sharply diverse. None of us deserve to be treated in such a sickening way. I think that it is time to say goodbye. I have listened to and wanted to believe your apologies or regrets time after time after time. I always lost. I am sure that you will find someone more compatible with you than I am, and so will I. However, all I want now is for this ugly chapter of out lives to be closed. I will always think of you as someone who taught me that life is not that bright!!! Thank you."

mada_3083 · 10-25-2005, 10:11 AM

is there no way to do it in person? how about a simple "it's over"

Rita05 · 10-25-2005, 10:22 AM

I wish it were that simple mada. I also lack the courage to do this face to fae. I packed my things and just waiting for the chance to leave, but I want him to know how hurt I feel

restless_heart · 10-25-2005, 10:25 AM

I say give it to him so that u can lift the burden off of your shoulders and then he knows exactly how u feel....If u dont u will look back at this time and time again and wonder did I say everything I wanted.....Anyway I am sure to b deamed a heartless B***h. But I am just giving an honest opinion..Good Luck

HelpHelpHelp · 10-25-2005, 01:27 PM

This letter is very much an expression of anger. It definitely reeks with hurt. It is quite obvious that you are in pain and feel wronged by him.

However, I don't find this letter to be very appropriate. Line after line you are blaming HIM for the way YOU feel. You need to communicate your feelings, not all the things you see wrong with him. We have to take responsibility as individuals for how others treat us.

If he has wronged you in all the ways you claim, i think you are doing the right thing in that you are communicating there is a problem (although I disagree with you getting the message across by writing a letter unless of course there is danger if you communicate it in other ways). I also disagree with HOW you are getting the point across---you way of stating your feelings does not exhibit maturity or acute reflection. It does not exhibit a resolved state of mind. It reads like someone yelling, "YOU DID THIS AND YOU DID THAT" much like how children ARGUE. I feel that most therapists and counselors would take issue with how you are presenting your side. I think your "goodbye" should come via a counseling session. I strongly urge you and he both to sit in a session together so that the counselor can help each of you communicate properly and understand what the other is saying.

But otherwise, by sending a letter like that, I think you are somewhat doing him a favor. Why would he want to be with someone who blames him for everything? Hell, once you say those things to him, I don't think he will even be sorry simply because of the approach you used to tell him you are hurt. He'll think how much he would rather be with a girl that will appreciate him.

Why don't you try that? Tell him, "(Name), I am hurt." Then you can reword your statements to say things like, "I feel that much of your life revolves around yourself. I am disappointed with the your seemingly lacking ability to uphold promises in our relationship." et cetera. Also, i would say to him, "and if you feel confident that I may be wrong, please, offer your counterarguement. I am glad to hear it. But even if you are right, and i have misunderstood the situation, i still have these feelings and we need to do something about that."