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Old 11-08-2005, 06:52 AM   #1
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sandra2005 HB User
i did it again even though i begged for a 2nd chance last time

i have cheated again, i am a terrible person. about 3 months ago i kissed someone else on my long term bf( we have been seeing each other 3 years) and then he found out, he was completley devestated and so i was i that i could evem do it. it made me realise how much i really care for him and love him and i begged him for a second chance to which he agreed as he knew that it really was a mistake and that i did regret it.

then just last weeeknd i was out and i had been at the club and i was drunk (no excuse i know) and we went to a party and at the end of the night a handsome man that i know a couple of years asked me for a kiss, i declined for most of the night but then i finally gave in and we had sex.

i stopped him half way through as i realised it was a huge mistake but i still feel terrible...

I dont undertstand what is happening to me, a few months i would have NEVER done things like this, in fact i despise cheaters but i have become nothing more than them now i have turned into the very kind of people i despise ........................................ ..i just dont understand why i am doing this to him..or myself...

Last edited by sandra2005; 11-08-2005 at 06:56 AM.

 
Old 11-08-2005, 07:00 AM   #2
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Music4All HB User
Re: i did it again even though i begged for a 2nd chance last time

I am sorry you feel bad. Feeling bad is never a good thing. I can't offer any wisdom as to why you are making these choices. If you can't figure it out on your own, counseling is a good decision.

If you have not yet done so, your bf must know and be allowed to make an informed decision as to his future.

I am editing this as I just read some of your other posts and realize this is not about cheating. Cheating is a small secondary problem. You cannot attack your source problem by focusing on the results. You have to atack the problem at the source, where the bad choices start, and the influence played by the mind altering substances you ingest. Get clean first, the other problems will be easier to address when you do. If you don't get clean, you will waste time wondering why you make bad choices.

Last edited by Music4All; 11-08-2005 at 07:13 AM.

 
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Old 11-08-2005, 09:14 AM   #3
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curious_girl HB User
Re: i did it again even though i begged for a 2nd chance last time

Sandra, hi i did what you did before. i kissed another guy, while i was with my long term boyfriend but i didnt think nothing of it and never said anything to him about it. he still does know. well i started to have feelings for this other guy. so we dated and and it felt great. now i am back with the long term boyfriend(been two years off and on) but still i have cheated agian with an ex who makes me feel great bout myself and everything. but we are nothing more than a "booty call" for one another. but my long term b/f found out came to the guys house ready to kick his butt. nothing happened but it made me realize he really loves me. and i thought i loved him. i feel like i do but i cant tell. but the reason why i did what i did is i like the feeling of something new. yea the hooking up with the ex aint new but thats a different story. like right now im debating on weither to stay with my long term b/f or not. most people do things like cheat b/c some part of them wants something new then once you realize what has happened you feel bad. but music_4_all is right you need to let him know as soon as possible on what has happened if you havent. you may lose him or he may realize he loves you more for telling him. but i can tell you this you cant keep hurting him by cheating. you need to figure out what YOU want. and he needs to figure out what HE wants. dont be like me and stay with him b/c you dont want to hurt him by breaking up w him. my long term b/c makes me feel so guilty so i stay with him. i dont have the heart to hurt him anymore. but like i said before you CHEATED b/c some part of you wants something NEW. im sorry if i havent helped. but yall do need to talk about everything. i hope everything works out for you. keep me updated. BEST OF LUCK

 
Old 11-09-2005, 02:26 AM   #4
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Re: i did it again even though i begged for a 2nd chance last time

hi curious girl,

I never planned to do it either times, i wasnt like ''oh il go out tonight and screw my bf over'' sometimes i think i love him alot then other times im like thinking to myself that im wasting my time and his. lately i have been suffering from depression and i havent done anything about it, like i havent seen a councellor or anything and in fact no-ones knows how i feel inside,i just put on this front and make everything look ok...maybe thats one of the reasons i have done what i have done because im in a really weird place at the moment..my whole life has become alot more confusing and compilcated than i would like!
another thing that i have thought is that as me and my bf have been together a good while, in the beginning he treated me V.BADLY and i put up with him because 'i loved him'.. (stupid i know) but then we broke up and it hit him just how much he had really hurt me and since we have resumed our relationship he actually has changed (we have been back together about 8 months) i mean if he was just pretending to be nice and to have changed to get me back he sure is keeping it up but what i am trying to say is do you think that maybe i am behaving this way because he hurt me so badly in the past? actually that sounds like i am blaming him..but its not his fault, i know that...

i have had alot of time to think since i posted my original thread and i know that i should come clean to him but i know that he is not a push over and he would definatley dump me if i told him i had sex with someone...i am 500%sure of that and at the moment i dont think i could handle that,does that sound very selfish?

so at the moment are you actualy in love with your bf or just staying wiht him as you feel sorry for him?

 
Old 11-09-2005, 10:59 AM   #5
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Ruby13 HB User
Re: i did it again even though i begged for a 2nd chance last time

maybe thats one of the reasons i have done what i have done because im in a really weird place at the moment..my whole life has become alot more confusing and compilcated than i would like!

I read some of your other posts. I think this has to do with substance abuse more than your relationship, and you need to take care of that.

i have had alot of time to think since i posted my original thread and i know that i should come clean to him but i know that he is not a push over and he would definatley dump me if i told him i had sex with someone...i am 500%sure of that and at the moment i dont think i could handle that,does that sound very selfish?

Yes, that does sound very selfish. Can I tell you how terrified I was getting tested for STDs after I found out one of my boyfriends cheated on me years ago? Instead of telling me he cheated, he continued to sleep with me and put me in a terrible position. If he'd told me, I probably would have broken up with him (maybe not), but we'd still be on speaking terms. Unfortunately, he took the cowardly way out and I still feel angry years later when I happen to think about him. Please don't do the same. It's someone else's life you're dealing with.

 
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