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Old 11-18-2005, 12:50 PM   #1
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SophiaM HB User
To email or not to email?

I couldn't sleep at all last night and kept thinking about my ex-bf, the one who moved to study in Europe. I just can't forget him. So, since it's a slow day at work today, I did some research on the computer and found him! He hasn't contacted me since he left in late August because we had an argument and I had no way of contacting him, either. The surprising thing is, he is actually studying in Switzerland, not in France like he had told me he was going to!!! I am SO shocked. Up until he left, I was under the impression he was moving to France. Anyway, I now have his email address. My heart is beating so fast, but I'm afraid to email him. We always had so much chemistry and I can't stop missing him, but we also argued a lot. He is overly 'sensitive' and gets offended for stupid reasons and doesn't want to speak to me afterwards. So childish. But he always ends up contacting me again. BUt now it's different cause he's actually in a different country and he had said he might never come back. Oh gosh, I am so anxious now--I can't even concentrate at work. I have all these thoughts racing in my head. I'm sure he still has my phone number, so if he wanted to, he could have called me from there. At the same time, I just hate how he left. He hung up on me for a stupid reason the last time we spoke, which totally broke my heart. It just feels so "unfinished." Any thoughts?

 
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Old 11-18-2005, 12:59 PM   #2
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Re: To email or not to email?

My initial thought was go ahead and email him. What could it hurt? Are you in contact with any of his frineds or family? If so, maybe it might look a little better if you contaced them saying something like, "I've been thinking about Bob lately, wondering how he's doing and I was wondering if you could give me an email address so I might send him a note." Something like that. I wonder if he will wonder where you got his email address? Do you think it will be an issue if he finds out you did a search for him and found it that way.

One more major thing to consider and I only bring this up because I don't want to see you get hurt. What if you email him and he replies saying he has a new girlfriend? Will you be able to handle that? I don't want to see you get hurt again. I know what's it's like to miss someone you love. How about this... don't do anything. Think on it over night and revisit that idea in the morning.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:06 PM   #3
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Re: To email or not to email?

Thanks Red. No, I'm not in touch with his family or friends. And I definitely could NOT handle it if he had a new girlfriend--I would be insanely jealous. Yeah, maybe it's best to do nothing. Sounds the most logical. He has my phone number, after all. I know his program should end by the summer, so we'll see if he calls. So far, he always did, sooner or later. But it's so hard to wait. I shouldn't have done this "research" at all. I need some valium or something. I probably won't sleep tonight again.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:07 PM   #4
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Re: To email or not to email?

Yes, go with your gut instincts on this one! Email him. I think the way you two fight is constructive, not destructive. Like I said before, he may very well be afraid of rejection. Go for it! You hardly ever find anyone where you feel that special chemistry, so don't ignore it.

I think the reason Craig tells me to call him is because he may be afraid of rejection.

I can't wait to hear what happens! Keep us posted Sophia.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:12 PM   #5
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Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes100
Yes, go with your gut instincts on this one! Email him. I think the way you two fight is constructive, not destructive. Like I said before, he may very well be afraid of rejection. Go for it! You hardly ever find anyone where you feel that special chemistry, so don't ignore it.

I think the reason Craig tells me to call him is because he may be afraid of rejection.

I can't wait to hear what happens! Keep us posted Sophia.
But why would he be afraid of rejection? He must know how crazy I am about him. And what should I say if I were to email him?? Should I address our last argument and how upset I was that he hung up on me? Or should I just send a very short email, just to say hi and that I was wondering how he was and how his studies are going. I am SO scared. I'm afraid of rejection too!

Last edited by SophiaM; 11-18-2005 at 01:15 PM.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:16 PM   #6
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Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
But why would he be afraid of rejection? He must know how crazy I am about him. And what would I even say if I did email him?? I am SO scared. I'm afraid of rejection too!
You will always wonder unless you do it. Yes, you may get rejected, but he is not the last man on earth! I'll bet he would be tickled to death to hear from you.

Try to keep it light and not get too emotional in the email. Just drop him a quick note and say you've been thinking about him and wanted to know how his studies have been going or something like that. Follow your heart Sophia.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:18 PM   #7
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Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes100
Try to keep it light and not get too emotional in the email. Just drop him a quick note and say you've been thinking about him and wanted to know how his studies have been going or something like that. Follow your heart Sophia.
That is too funny--you said exactly what I was editing my post to. You must be readin my mind! LOL

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:21 PM   #8
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Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
That is too funny--you said exactly what I was editing my post to. You must be readin my mind! LOL
Whatever you do, don't be angry with him! Be really nice, but casual. Keep us posted! And good luck. I just have a gut feeling about you two...REALLY!

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:24 PM   #9
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reddoorblack HB User
Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
And what should I say if I were to email him?? Should I address our last argument and how upset I was that he hung up on me? Or should I just send a very short email, just to say hi and that I was wondering how he was and how his studies are going.
If you do decided to email him, don't bring any of the past stuff up! Keep it light and friendly. I still say sleep on it. You'll still have the email address in the morning.

You know, this all is totally natural. I emailed my ex a couple times and even wrote him a letter. It didn't get me anywhere though. He was either non-responsive, cold or just a plain jerk. Each time I wished I hadn't done it. On the other hand, sometimes I think it's just something we have to get out of our systems. I agree with green on this. It's not going to hurt anything to do it. Sweetie--just prepare yourself for an response you might not like. It could go either way. Who knows, it could be the start of a reconciliation.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:50 PM   #10
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Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by reddoorblack
If you do decided to email him, don't bring any of the past stuff up! Keep it light and friendly. I still say sleep on it. You'll still have the email address in the morning.

You know, this all is totally natural. I emailed my ex a couple times and even wrote him a letter. It didn't get me anywhere though. He was either non-responsive, cold or just a plain jerk. Each time I wished I hadn't done it. On the other hand, sometimes I think it's just something we have to get out of our systems. I agree with green on this. It's not going to hurt anything to do it. Sweetie--just prepare yourself for an response you might not like. It could go either way. Who knows, it could be the start of a reconciliation.
You're right. I think I should "sleep on it" (with the help of valium ). I don't want to chase him and look desperate.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:53 PM   #11
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Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
You're right. I think I should "sleep on it" (with the help of valium ). I don't want to chase him and look desperate.
Okay, but you really are not chasing him. You are just staying in touch. Gosh!

Maybe you should take the valium and then send the email.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:56 PM   #12
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lostsoul1 HB User
Re: To email or not to email?

Bottom line is this... if he still wants you, he'll be thrilled to death you contacted him. If he doesn't, he'll either see it as desperate or dismiss it. You really have no control over which response you get, but I guess the old saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" applies here.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 01:57 PM   #13
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Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes100
Okay, but you really are not chasing him. You are just staying in touch. Gosh!

Maybe you should take the valium and then send the email.
Yes, but he was the one who hung up on me and left me in pieces. He always keeps reappearing and leaving. If he were to reappear again, it would have to be "for good." I can't take him always leaving when we have an argument. The last time, he even said that there is no future for us cause he might not even come back to the U.S. Of course, he said that before and then ended up calling again. He's very confused.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 02:10 PM   #14
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Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostsoul1
Bottom line is this... if he still wants you, he'll be thrilled to death you contacted him. If he doesn't, he'll either see it as desperate or dismiss it. You really have no control over which response you get, but I guess the old saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" applies here.
See, I don't want to seem desperate. I guess he could find my email too, if he did a search, and he does have my phone number. If he missed me, he would have contacted me himself, no? Gosh, I miss him SO much, but I feel paralyzed with fear.

 
Old 11-18-2005, 02:11 PM   #15
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: To email or not to email?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Yes, but he was the one who hung up on me and left me in pieces. He always keeps reappearing and leaving. If he were to reappear again, it would have to be "for good." I can't take him always leaving when we have an argument. The last time, he even said that there is no future for us cause he might not even come back to the U.S. Of course, he said that before and then ended up calling again. He's very confused.
Give him ONE MORE CHANCE and that's it. If he doesn't make a commitment this time, then move on for sure. And set a certain time limit as far as the commitment. If you start seeing him again and he doesn't make a commitment after a certain timeframe, then call it quits for good.

 
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