I really think I made a mistake when I got married. Before I got married, I had left my husband at one point because he didn't have anything good going on in his life so I told him he had to get it together. We got back together 1 month later (WAY too soon) and less than 2 years later, we got married. Now I think I made a BIG mistake. When we had broken up the first time, I started seeing my ex-boyfriend and realized then that he may be my soulmate, but then I thought I was just falling into his arms b/c of everything that was wrong in my relationship. So I got back together with my boyfriend and never again spoke or saw my ex-boyfriend. Now, I find out that my husband was talking to another woman since May and I believe they slept together. And I am in a destructive mode...I don't care what he is feeling. All I care about is the fact that I think I married the wrong man.
The crazy thing is...I have never stopped thinking about my ex-boyfriend even after I got married. I found myself doing a lot of comparing. The two of them are very different and life with each of them would be very different What I like about my ex is that he is traditional...he wants to take care of his woman, is a gentleman, is extremely family-oriented, etc. My husband, on the other hand, is a little selfish and wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to doit. Over the past 3 years, I usually only think of the ex when we strugle with ou marriage and I wonder if that is because I married the wrong man. I called the ex this morning and after talking for a little while, he told me he was married and I was completely heartbroken. Why though? I let him go and got married and so he did the same. I TRULY think he is my soulmate as crazy as it sounds. What do I do? How do I get him out of my head?
I think that it is natural to think about an ex when you are dealing with issues in your current relationship. Especially when you feel betrayed. First, talk to your husband. See if comes clean about the relationship. Then seek counseling, if not for your marriage, for yourself. Getting back together with your ex is not going to solve all your problems. If you are meant to be with the ex, I would mend yourself first, and possible try to salvage your marriage. There is a reason you married the man. Maybe the two of you need to get back to that and rediscover each other.
Try not to think of your situation as if you've picked the "wrong" guy or that your ex is the "right" guy or "the one". You'll drive yourself mad. Just look at your situation as it really is. You're in a marriage that has problems. Who's to say that if you had married your ex that you wouldn't have a different set of problems? Just deal with what IS now, stop comparing and stop wondering if you made the wrong decision and just concentrate on what you have now. If your marriage is in trouble and if he cheated on you then you need to start making up your mind in what you want to do. Do you want to salvage what you have currently or do you want to divorce? those are the things you need to think about right now. Get your mind off of what you wonder what "could have been" and come to reality and deal with what you're up against. Your marriage isn't falling apart because you picked the "wrong" guy, it's falling apart because he's cheated on you. You will get over this and if you decide to move on, you will be much better at picking a better mate. Stop beating yourself up that you made a mistake, it's him that's making a big mistake.
What you're feeilng is normal though, but my advice would be to concentrate on your current situation and do something about it so you don't waste anymore time with someone who doesn't respect you.
Last edited by Silver Lining; 11-28-2005 at 11:41 AM.
Thanks to all of you who tookthe time to respond to me. Today just feels like it is the worst day yet, and I found out about the other woman 1 month ago. I have to find a way to get a hold of myself and my emotions. This hasbene very helful. You're right...stop comparing and thinking "what if" because nothing will change what has already happened. I can only change what will happen. I am going to start seeing a counselor...so I can get back to myself. Thank you again!
Last edited by ShellBell78; 11-28-2005 at 12:04 PM.
I am going to start seeing a counselor...so I can get back to myself. Thank you again!
Excellent idea! Go to one as soon as possible because we tend to talk ourselves out of seeing a counselor. She/he will totally put everything into perspective for you because it is just too hard to do that yourself when you are going through something traumatic.
Hang in there, you're totally on the right path =).