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Old 12-19-2005, 04:16 PM   #1
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Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

Not sure where to put this post so I hope I picked the right forum...

I've been inputting old bank statements into our new financial software when I came across an odd transaction. It's dated 9/1/04 for $110 and $66 for King's Massage in SF. Now, this particular statement is my boyfriend's statement. I asked him about it and he says he doesn't remember ever going there or anything related to a massage in SF. We live in the East Bay and rarely go to SF except for maybe surfing, the occassional restaurant or event.

I should mention that it isn't suspicious to me that these charges went unnoticed. We've been working on two rehabs practically simultaneously and spending more money than we normally do. Had the charges been on my bank statement, I probably wouldn't have noticed them.

My BF thinks his info was stolen and used there. His bank won't investigate because the transaction is too old. What really alarmed me is that when I did a search for King's Massage, I found that they've been suspended for sex trafficking (sp?). I tried calling a number I found for them but it goes to some fax machine. So getting it resolved thru the bank or thru the merchant isn't going to happen.

He lied to me twice about 3 years ago about soliciting sex over the internet. He's been very open since and I don't have any reason to believe he's lying now.

Anything I can do to find out more about this transaction? Or should I just let it go since it's so old?

Last edited by turtlebug; 12-19-2005 at 04:23 PM.

 
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Old 12-19-2005, 04:39 PM   #2
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

I'm going to say it and please don't be mad at me. Sounds like he did it. My A flat out lied to me about things I found. Just be careful he doesn't give you a disease. Your not dumb. You know exactly what he did. Good luck.

 
Old 12-19-2005, 04:46 PM   #3
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

I'm not mad at you. I certainly doubt him myself cause it is awfully suspicious. I just wonder... Is there anything I can do to know for sure?

Like, since the transaction occurred on 9/1, would it be reasonable to, say, find out if he was at work on 8/30, 8/31 and 9/1 and that if he was, then there's a good chance he's telling the truth? I know it might seem like I'm in denial but there just might be a way maybe. We've been together every evening since we've lived with each other with one exception: 7/16/04. Had he been gone any other evenings, it would have been really suspicious because we're rehabbing houses and it takes up all our free time.

But, if you do think I'm in denial, what should I do?

Last edited by turtlebug; 12-19-2005 at 05:41 PM.

 
Old 12-19-2005, 07:40 PM   #4
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

You can check to see if he was at work but things like that can be done on a lunch break. There really isn't a way to know for sure. I mean if it's on your bank statement and he's not really pursueing to try and press charges or file for a stolen card, I mean come on.....he used the card after wards right? Maybe he wanted one last hurrah. Either way you can NOT trust him. I had a friend who trusted her husband and they seperated and some time after they got back and he gave her HIV. They had a two year old daughter too. I think he could use the excuse that he was messed up at the time or he'll do like addicted people do and believe his own lie. I know my A will lie even if proven with the truth.
There's not much you can do. You rather accept he cheated and wait for him to do it again. Or you say SEE YA.
I know what it's like to NEVER trust someone again after they messed around once or twice. Get tested. Sorry you have to go through this. It does suck.

 
Old 12-19-2005, 08:02 PM   #5
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

Oh it is simple. He visited a massage place and probably had an erotic massage. I don't think he had sex or anything but he did go and he is lying about it...come on I think you know the answer. I work in the adult enertainment field (as an owner) and 99% of our clients are married it is really sad. I am sorry to break the bad news to you...I would keep a closer eye on the account if he pays with cash from now on however...you will never know!

 
Old 12-19-2005, 08:07 PM   #6
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

men go to these places on their lunch breaks too. It is not only in the evenings some aren't even open on the weekends. You don't even have to see if he was at work he is lying dear sorry...

 
Old 12-19-2005, 08:10 PM   #7
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

I had a friend of mine who would get the hookers there. They were also called "massage" places. There has to be a way.

 
Old 12-19-2005, 08:25 PM   #8
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

Thanks for the additional comments. We talked again about it again tonight and I believe him.

His work bag was stolen around that same time. He should've watched his finances like a hawk, but I can't fault him for that. I'm the exact same way. I think our generation just has this lax attitude about finances, but that's why I'm starting to use Quicken. No more surprises. And all cash will be accounted for (in the software) beginning in Jan 2004 thru to the present.

I know some of you will pity me and think I'm blind. I did my best to look at the situation objectively. He's given me no other reason to doubt his word since the issue 3 years ago. And, in our area, it's totally reasonable to believe that someone would steal info and use it for one or two transactions so as to fly under the radar. It's happened recently to others I know. So, taking that as a whole, I'm just not in any hurry to believe he's lying. Time will tell. And, if I'm wrong, I'll have yet another deleted relationship to cry over. But, if I'm right, I'll have something pretty amazing.

Last edited by turtlebug; 12-20-2005 at 08:13 AM. Reason: Sorry for the language.

 
Old 12-20-2005, 01:26 PM   #9
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

you're believeing him because you want to believe him. I think in your gut you know better. Please don't stay with someone who has lied to you in the past about this very same situation!

 
Old 12-20-2005, 05:34 PM   #10
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

Your the only one that has to deal with him. I agree with getting checked for STD's to be on the safe side. Good luck. We will always be here.

 
Old 12-20-2005, 05:51 PM   #11
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

Quote:
Originally Posted by Turtlebug
It's dated 9/1/04 for $110 and $66 for King's Massage in SF
Kings massage parlor is a well known full service "happy ending" asian massage parlor. At that price he got a massage and sex with the girl.

Do a search on the internet and sooner or later you'll find out about Kings in dowtown SF.

Last edited by Computerlove; 12-21-2005 at 12:43 AM.

 
Old 12-20-2005, 06:02 PM   #12
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

I feel good about my decision but I thought I should probably respond to some of your questions.

I didn't just find out about the stolen bag. I knew about it the day it happened.

It's actually "not" convenient. Driving all the way into SF to go to a massage parlor and using his bank card is actually seriously inconvenient for him. He's always got cash on hand. And, he just wouldn't have had the time to drive into SF -- Oakland maybe but even that would be doubtful. (And I know what kind of place it is, which is why I was initially going out of my mind.)

I'm really surprised at everyone's reactions actually. I expected more positive support for him. Since my first post, I've come to realize that it's not logically or physically possible for him to have gone there. I'm believing him not only because I want to but also because the evidence is there to believe him.

If you still doubt my decision, maybe you should look internally and wonder why it's so hard for you to accept it. Take care.

Last edited by turtlebug; 12-20-2005 at 06:04 PM.

 
Old 12-20-2005, 06:08 PM   #13
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

Why does computer loves quote say "originally posted by soul catcher" I did not originally post that, tutlebug did. That's strange.

 
Old 12-20-2005, 06:16 PM   #14
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

Turtle bug, wow what a comment back. Now that's defensive. You came here looking for support and that's what you got, I don't think you should lash out at those trying to help you.

 
Old 12-21-2005, 02:14 AM   #15
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Re: Found a suspicious transaction on bank statement

If he has not given you any reason to think he has been unfaithful, and if he is somewhat "irresponsible" with his finances, then I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. I pay my bills on time every month, but when that bank statement comes, I don't review it, much less open the envelope! I'm sure it went unnoticed.

What did you mean by your man soliciting sex over the internet? Did he meet sexual partners over the internet and then had sex in person with them? Or did he have "computer sex"? Just wondering aboout the first incident.

Trust will make or brake a relationship....If you truly believe him and trust he did not go to SF...Then don't think twice about it, and just let the incident go, otherwise you will drive yourself nuts wondering, did he, or didn't he? Go with your gut and try not to be pursuaded by others.

 
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