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Old 12-19-2005, 06:04 PM   #1
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volcomrxy21 HB User
22 and not ready for marriage, or to be engaged for that matter

Because I finally gave in to his questions of whether I was ready to take the next step, I think my boyfriend of over a year is going to propose sometime in the near future, and suddenly I'm feeling (again) that I'm not ready to be engaged yet.
It's not him, because I still feel that I love him.... and I know he loves me. My hesitation is because of personal reasons.
Should I tell him before he pops the question? Or is this just "cold feet" and normal?

Last edited by volcomrxy21; 12-19-2005 at 06:41 PM.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 05:32 PM   #2
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Re: 22 and not ready for marriage, or to be engaged for that matter

I couldn't tell you whether to talk to him or wait until he asks. I would advise that you seriously take a good look at your feelings regarding what you want in your future and what you might want in a marriage. There is no reason to be ashamed if you are not ready. Please don't leap into it without thinking about it though. My husband and I got married on our fifth month anniversary of dating. I am 22, and have a two year old who is not my husbands. Sometimes I regret getting married that fast, although I do love him. But I never got time to deal with my own personal issues, and neither did he, so now we have to deal with them in the marriage, which causes lots of problems and arguments. if you don't feel right about marriage, DON'T SAY YES!! it is a huge decision, and although I always hear people saying that if you don't like it, you can always get divorced, that isn't what marriage is about. It is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. Are you ready for that? Think hard about it, it is a huge life changing decision. Good luck.

 
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Old 12-29-2005, 08:24 PM   #3
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luvgirl HB User
Re: 22 and not ready for marriage, or to be engaged for that matter

I think it's normal if you're not ready to get married yet. I would sort of hint it to your bf that you're not ready. Mention it in a subtle way so that it doesn't come out directly. I know hinting it in a way may not be the best way to go but I would have trouble telling my bf that I don't want to marry him but yet I love him to death. Sorry but hope this helps.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 08:34 PM   #4
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galinaqt HB User
Re: 22 and not ready for marriage, or to be engaged for that matter

When I was growing up in ex USSR woman supposed to marry when somebody wanted to mary her and if she was not married by 23 she unlikely marry at all. It used to be like that here but this day you have plenty of time. May be this guy is not the one.

 
Old 12-30-2005, 08:55 AM   #5
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Re: 22 and not ready for marriage, or to be engaged for that matter

22 is so young! If you have any doubts you need to talk to him before he proposes. Imagine having to say "no" as he's on one knee holding a ring! That would be awful and you may get caught up in the moment and say "yes" without being sure...

I also think you should give subtle hints letting him know you aren't ready. Are you in school? If you are, you can casually mention that you want to finish school before getting married so that you can enjoy it and be more financially stable. And when he asks you if you're ready for the next step, don't feel bad asking him straight out what exactly that next step is. Maybe you can also suggest living together first. I know some people don't believ in living together before marriage, but I think its a good idea and it will by you some time!

Good luck! Its kind of refreshing hearing a young girl say she's not ready for marriage... Usually it's totally the opposite way around! (Me being one of the guilty ones). I wanted to get married at 23...Now, almost 3 years later I am pretty happy I didn't have the chance to. I probably wouldn't have chosen to go back to school if I got married and became the housewife I aspired to be! haha
Plus, I have changed a lot since then, in only 2 years. I still want to marry my boyfriend but my rose colored glassses are in the garbage and I think thats a good thing!

 
Old 12-30-2005, 10:17 AM   #6
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galinaqt HB User
Re: 22 and not ready for marriage, or to be engaged for that matter

Leaving together may not be a good idea, some man it may turn off of marrying at all. Why to buy a cow if you can have milk for free.

 
Old 12-30-2005, 10:24 AM   #7
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Re: 22 and not ready for marriage, or to be engaged for that matter

Quote:
Originally Posted by galinaqt
Leaving together may not be a good idea, some man it may turn off of marrying at all. Why to buy a cow if you can have milk for free.
But he's the one who wants to get married....
And lets face it, there's plenty of milk out there for men to have
Its easier to come by these days...

 
Old 12-30-2005, 11:41 AM   #8
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galinaqt HB User
Re: 22 and not ready for marriage, or to be engaged for that matter

He may change his mind. My cousin lived with guy who seems perfect match for 3y, and all relatives her and his were really hoping that they would marry. After 3 y love lost it spark and some other reasons so they just broke up.

 
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