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Old 12-21-2005, 11:46 AM   #1
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akajessie HB User
Angry dog gone it, i fell for it - hook like and sinker

well, it had been about a month since my g/f and i split up (she said she only wanted to be with me and we had a certain level of commitment there with all the lovey dovey i love you's, but she got asked out and decided out of the blue she should needed to look at dating others and not being with one person. i told her i couldn't just back off and just date her nor pretend we were now only friends. to make a long story short, i removed myself from the picture so she could go and do what she needed. so anyway...).

about 2 weeks ago she started calling every day, just to check in - all very casual.we kinda had a blow out and i told her that we aren't getting any where cuz there is too much stubborness and too much past. maybe some day we can talk.

about a week ago she sends me text message "i miss you and i don't know what to do about you". i took a little while before i responded. finally we talked. she told me how much she loved and missed me. we started IMing again, and again she said she loved and missed me and that i knew she wanted me but i scare her because i am the only one who makes her feel. she also said that she would like to start over but take things slow. so we agreed to go out for dinner and dancing.

well, talk about feeling like i got the cold shoulder and that i had to make the moves to be "close" and what i mean by close is, a little affection like putting my arm around her or holding hands. admittedly a lot of the time felt akward since we hadn't seen each other. when i wouldn't make any moves, she said "you can touch me or kiss me you know". however, she wasn't making any approaches towards me. at one point i told her "it be nice to be met half way instead of me feeling like i am in this alone right now". ya da ya da. so later we said good bye and went our different ways agreeing to take things slow, be open and honest with each other and not play games (oh and she says she hasn't been out with any one other than friends).

so on my way home i called and left a message saying again how great she looked, that i had a good time tho a bit awkward. course, i expected (silly me) to hear sumpin relatively soon from here. nope - wasn't until later the next day and it was short and sweet and very casual "i had a good time too, talk to you soon".

so i sent her email responding to that, telling her how nice things were, that i'm glad we took the opportunity to go out, blah blah blah. i however did EVIDENTALLY make the mistake of mentioning that i felt things were a little one sided and i left feeling a bit confused given her words of how much she still loves me, how i have her heart, misses me, etc, just a day before. needless to say i got hammered by her on that (none of the good stuff again mind you) with her saying "you didn't have to point out all that i did or didn't do and tell me how you felt about that - that's not being open and honest".

then i hear, "when you share your feelings, you need to say something like this 'i know things were a little akward but i still missed how close we use to be, maybe we can get that back some day". then i hear, "would you send that email to some one you have just met"? and "we are just getting to know each other - remember".

then i hear all kinds of other things to like "why can't you just let things be" and "i think you are disappointed because we didn't sleep together" and "you think to much" and "i think you don't have enough human interaction since you lost your job and all you do is sit at home on your puter talking to internet friends".

then i hear, "i have 3 feelings for you, i love you, i miss you, but you scare the scrap out of me". then pretty much the next thing i hear is, "ya know, i thought we were starting over but now i'm not so sure i want to, cuz this dance that we do is too crazy and too tiresome and i don't know why we do this... i really need to think about that - and that's where i am at with things with you right now - this craziness just is too tires some and wears me out".

huummm....guess i fell for it all again huh? am feeling she knew exactly what to say, how to say things, just to keep me in her little sticky web, but am also very confused about her response to my email which was never finger pointing by any means, then all the "quotes" above.

thoughts, opinions? can any one help me decipher this? thanks!

in the interim, merry christmas

p.s. by the way, my g/f and i are of the "alternative life style" meaning same sex - hope that doesn't matter here!

Last edited by akajessie; 12-21-2005 at 12:04 PM. Reason: adding things

 
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Old 12-21-2005, 12:25 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: dog gone it, i fell for it - hook like and sinker

Quote:
Originally Posted by akajessie
well, it had been about a month since my g/f and i split up (she said she only wanted to be with me and we had a certain level of commitment there with all the lovey dovey i love you's, but she got asked out and decided out of the blue she should needed to look at dating others and not being with one person. i told her i couldn't just back off and just date her nor pretend we were now only friends. to make a long story short, i removed myself from the picture so she could go and do what she needed. so anyway...).

about 2 weeks ago she started calling every day, just to check in - all very casual.we kinda had a blow out and i told her that we aren't getting any where cuz there is too much stubborness and too much past. maybe some day we can talk.

about a week ago she sends me text message "i miss you and i don't know what to do about you". i took a little while before i responded. finally we talked. she told me how much she loved and missed me. we started IMing again, and again she said she loved and missed me and that i knew she wanted me but i scare her because i am the only one who makes her feel. she also said that she would like to start over but take things slow. so we agreed to go out for dinner and dancing.

well, talk about feeling like i got the cold shoulder and that i had to make the moves to be "close" and what i mean by close is, a little affection like putting my arm around her or holding hands. admittedly a lot of the time felt akward since we hadn't seen each other. when i wouldn't make any moves, she said "you can touch me or kiss me you know". however, she wasn't making any approaches towards me. at one point i told her "it be nice to be met half way instead of me feeling like i am in this alone right now". ya da ya da. so later we said good bye and went our different ways agreeing to take things slow, be open and honest with each other and not play games (oh and she says she hasn't been out with any one other than friends).

so on my way home i called and left a message saying again how great she looked, that i had a good time tho a bit awkward. course, i expected (silly me) to hear sumpin relatively soon from here. nope - wasn't until later the next day and it was short and sweet and very casual "i had a good time too, talk to you soon".

so i sent her email responding to that, telling her how nice things were, that i'm glad we took the opportunity to go out, blah blah blah. i however did EVIDENTALLY make the mistake of mentioning that i felt things were a little one sided and i left feeling a bit confused given her words of how much she still loves me, how i have her heart, misses me, etc, just a day before. needless to say i got hammered by her on that (none of the good stuff again mind you) with her saying "you didn't have to point out all that i did or didn't do and tell me how you felt about that - that's not being open and honest".

then i hear, "when you share your feelings, you need to say something like this 'i know things were a little akward but i still missed how close we use to be, maybe we can get that back some day". then i hear, "would you send that email to some one you have just met"? and "we are just getting to know each other - remember".

then i hear all kinds of other things to like "why can't you just let things be" and "i think you are disappointed because we didn't sleep together" and "you think to much" and "i think you don't have enough human interaction since you lost your job and all you do is sit at home on your puter talking to internet friends".

then i hear, "i have 3 feelings for you, i love you, i miss you, but you scare the scrap out of me". then pretty much the next thing i hear is, "ya know, i thought we were starting over but now i'm not so sure i want to, cuz this dance that we do is too crazy and too tiresome and i don't know why we do this... i really need to think about that - and that's where i am at with things with you right now - this craziness just is too tires some and wears me out".

huummm....guess i fell for it all again huh? am feeling she knew exactly what to say, how to say things, just to keep me in her little sticky web, but am also very confused about her response to my email which was never finger pointing by any means, then all the "quotes" above.

thoughts, opinions? can any one help me decipher this? thanks!

in the interim, merry christmas

p.s. by the way, my g/f and i are of the "alternative life style" meaning same sex - hope that doesn't matter here!
It sounds to me like she is unsure of you at this point. On the one hand, she wants to keep seeing you and is doing everything in her power to keep you on the hook, while at the same time she seems to be looking around for something better.

How long were you dating her before you broke up? This would provide a little more insight. What I would do if I were you is date other people yourself, but continue to see her. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve at this point. Just get to know her better.

People usually date around until they find someone they want to date exclusively.

Last edited by greeneyes100; 12-21-2005 at 12:27 PM.

 
Old 12-21-2005, 12:54 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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akajessie HB User
Re: dog gone it, i fell for it - hook like and sinker

thanks for your response greeneyes. we were together for about four months. had one of those immediate/bond connection like type things mentally and emotionally with all the chemistry and stuff and such to go along with that.

we've both dated others before. the last time we were together she told me that i was the only one she wanted to be with (date exclusively). then the bottom fell out 2 days later.

she said she got "confused" when she was asked out and said that she thought it was something she needed to think about. well i told her that there was no way i could keep my self in the position that i was in and constantly be wondering if she were going to be telling them that she loved them too, never mind potential sleeping together.

prior to this, any time SHE mentioned dating exclusively or even "longer" if you know what i mean (like planning holidays together and even what size closet spaces we each would need when it came time came for us to decide to live together). however, any time i even hinted about being exclusive never mind any other stuff - she freaked and ran.

tried to start over and take things slow as you already have read but i definitely got the cold shoulder so to speak with her wanting me to make all the moves - ya da ya da - you know the rest....

she knows exactly how i feel - she told me her 3 feelings for me (as mentioned about), yet now we be!

i just don't know if i want or can or should continue this "dance" with her. i'm feeling like i dun got squashed a couple of times now, not sure what to trust or even if i should or or or and and and...

but i am pretty confident she will contact me at some point within the next several days cuz that has been her pattern and maybe that's just to keep me "there" and in her own way trying to tell me that she is thinking about me and missing me (as she has admitted to before when contacting me - she just goes around the bush with showing her feelings - but sheesh to show hardly nuttin and wanting me to "pursue" her after all the lovey dovey stuff she said the day or so before?)...sorry if i am sounding confusing here but it's only cuz i am - lol!

hope this answers your question. J~

Last edited by akajessie; 12-21-2005 at 01:17 PM.

 
Old 12-21-2005, 01:14 PM   #4
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Join Date: May 2005
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dewdrop333 HB User
Re: dog gone it, i fell for it - hook like and sinker

It is hard to start over and go slow when you have already been together. Honestly it sounds to me like she wanted to tell you she loves you and then you sweep her off her feet, but without sleeping together .. IE passionatly kiss her and tell her how much you love her too and want to make things work blah blah.

She still seems confused to me. Its a hard one honestly. The whole you think too much thing .. she may just want to let things fall into place and you want to know how things are going to be.

If you want to be with her you may just have to let it flow for right now. Have dates, make out and not lable anything until she settles in.

Oh and as a side note ... no your 'alternative lifestyle' makes no diffrence here

I wish you luck!
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Old 12-21-2005, 01:30 PM   #5
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 18
akajessie HB User
Re: dog gone it, i fell for it - hook like and sinker

hey drew, thanks for your reply too. and just so you know, we did hold each other a little bit and even share a passionate kiss, tho a little reserved mind you. as for the "thinking to much part" perhaps i should clarify something. that is, ANY TIME i share with her what i am feeling, then i am "thinking too much" or i am "being to serious" and it could just be sumpin that comes out of the blue! for me personally, i am of the like type that there is a difference in "thinking" versus "feeling" - if that makes sense. either way, i was always too much or too serious UNLESS she was in that sharing mode her ownself. then of course it was ok for me to share too at that point....

and i did tell her that i hoped we could work this out but made it clear that i wasn't going to sleep with her again cuz i just couldn't handle sharing all of that again when she may even just be holding some one else's hand since she still wants to date others too yet says she hasn't been out with any one, even the person that asked her out when all this first started.

yes, i agree with the confusion part but the way my mind and heart works is, you don't go telling some one how much you love and miss them and want to be with them and want to start over and even say (which i forgot to put in in my original post), "you know we won't be able to keep our hands off each other", then be cold shouldered and respond with the "quotes" in my original post.

ho hum...what a "dance" huh?

Last edited by akajessie; 12-21-2005 at 01:31 PM.

 
Old 12-21-2005, 01:46 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: dog gone it, i fell for it - hook like and sinker

Both men and women, when they start to feel strong emotional ties, will sometimes pull away from that person, out of fear. In other words, they will sometimes leave before they are left. It all stems from fear. This could be what she is feeling. If you can learn to deal with the "dance" and keep your cool, she may eventually be willing to make a solid commitment. In the meantime, you should date other people yourself so you won't be constantly obsessing about this woman. Maybe if she sees you dating other people and sees that you are not at her beck and call, she will change her tune. Usually when a person is afraid of losing someone they love, that's when they make a commitment.

 
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