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Old 12-21-2005, 09:26 PM   #1
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Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

Well that wasn't what I was really trying to ask, but the title was too long

I'm 6'2" and weight about 180lbs; very lean and no fat. My girlfriend is 5'2" and weighs about the same as I do. She has a beautiful face and would have a gorgeous body if she could lose about 35lbs. Unfortunately, we grew up in two different types of families. I grew up learning how to exercise on a regular basis and love the feeling I get from working out. She, on the other hand, grew up in a family that never exercises at all. I try to do fun activities with her that can involve exercising (bike riding, lifting weights), but she seems to hate it.

I never tell her she's too fat or tell her what to eat. She eats at least as much as I do. But I don't want to be mean and tell her maybe she should try eating less. I want her to eat healthy and exercise because SHE wants to, not because of me. I know she wants to lose weight, but I don't think she has the determination right now... I keep telling her it wouldn't be that hard. Just one pound at a time... Just like when I workout and can only gain one pound of muscle at a time...

It is so frustrating to me, because I don't think losing the weight would be that difficult. Of course, I can't know for sure because I have never let myself put on excess fat. But sometimes I fantasize about switching bodies with her for 6 months and betting I could lose all of her weight and make her look like a fantastic model. Do any of you ever have this fantasy because of the frustration of trying to motivate the one you love?

Last edited by justinluck; 12-21-2005 at 09:27 PM.

 
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Old 12-21-2005, 09:40 PM   #2
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Re: Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

Have you tried talking about health benefits? Personally I'd be massively offended if my bf tried to get me to lose weight because although I'm pretty, I could be even prettier if I had a model's body. That would just tell me that my bf didn't think I was very attractive to begin with and wants me to become someone else, in which case I'd probably be very resistant to the idea. On the other hand, concern for her health because of the excessive weight is different. If she's 5'2" and 180, that's quite a bit overweight and can cause lots of problems down the line. I don't know the best way to go about it, but it just sounds from your post like your attitude is wrong. You should want her to lose weight because you want her to be healthy and together with you for a long time, not because it would make her better looking!

 
Old 12-21-2005, 10:20 PM   #3
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Re: Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

Hello there,

I had a BF who was overweight. At first, I felt like you, wishing he'd shed some of the pounds so he won't leave me literally breathless when we're making love. He is 6' tall and weighed about 280. But eventually, my issue with his weight went away because I fell in love with him. I accepted him for who he is. But slowly, he did shed some of the weight and lost about 60 lbs by the time we parted ways. What I did was showed him how to eat, what to eat, and we did a lot of activities such as hiking, biking, surfing, etc. I incorporated the things I liked to do in our relationship and I did a lot of cooking in the beginning to show him what's healthy to eat, etc. After we broke up, he gained some of the weight back. But at least I was able to introduce him to a healthier lifestyle. Just some suggestions.

Last edited by Fabat40; 12-21-2005 at 10:20 PM.

 
Old 12-21-2005, 10:21 PM   #4
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Re: Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

This is a very sensitive area your getting into here. She wants to lose weight. There is no doubt about it. Most of us although we may be happy with who we are and our bodies, are our biggest critics. Problem being she needs to set that goal. Even friendly advice can seem like criticism or push. I'm not sure how the best way to go about motivating her would be other than her getting that motivation from other people who are in her situation. My boyfriend takes great care of his body. He looks fantastic. I never once got on that wagon with him. I had been with him for years and never participated at all. But I found something I liked to do...and I found a friend who I could do it with and that snow balled and now I am very careful about how I treat my body. Not to mention that I look so much better and feel better too. Seeing people around me who improved and made life changes help me a lot. I could suggest a support for your girlfriend from someone she can relate to, and doesn't feel intimidated by. If she can get started and see positive results she may keep up with it.
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Old 12-21-2005, 10:22 PM   #5
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Re: Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

Check out the exercise and fitness boards with her too! Follow someones progress there. That may help. Not to mention there is a world of beginner info for her.
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Old 12-22-2005, 07:23 AM   #6
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Re: Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

I agree with Krissy there. Honestly it is offensive to want your gf to lose weight because she'll look hotter if she was thinner. You have to accept who she is as well too. You two are very similar to myself and my bf. He's a excercise freak and works out a lot. Now I on the other hand don't care as much and well.... almost never excercise save the yoga sessions He always invited me to go work out with him but I don't go because he makes me feel so intimidated. He can last hours while I can't and then when I am ready to leave the gym after say an hour and he's well still going at it then it gets boring for me to sit and wait. I found yoga to be my thing and not the hard core excercising some people like. Sure it's slow, probably won't burn as much calories but I like how it goes with the pace I want it to go. Tell your gf to try new things too other than the hiking, lifting weigts etc... hahaha sorry Justin but I am not a big fan of lifting weights either! She can do what I did. Get a gym membership, go to all the fitness classes at the beginning and then find what she loves. If she actually enjoys the classes then continue if not then stop. It's just a matter of finding what is right for her. Also 5'2" and 180lbs is well... a little on the plump side since she might have health problems if she don't shed a few pounds. You can always tell her the health benefits of excercising but never, NEVER tell her she'll look better if she lost weight! Hope this helps!

 
Old 12-22-2005, 09:22 AM   #7
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Re: Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

Has she always been this weight or did she gain a lot since you started the relationship? 5'2 and 180 lbs is not very healthy. I can see why you want her to loose weight. Her health, of course, should be your first concern but I don't think you're a horrible person for wanting her to do it for her looks as well....
My boyfriend has (or had) an awsome body when we started dating. He worked out all the time and followed the Body for Life diet religously. Now he likes to eat frozen pizzas on a daily basis and hasn't been to a gym in over 5 months.... I'm not sure what brought on the change, I guess its a comfort thing. Although he still has a nice body, its fading fast and his belly is growing by the day
I still love him and I'm still attracted to him though.
He says he has to put on his "winter weight" to stay warm...
But honestly, if he got to a point where he was really over weight, I would not only be concerned for his health but I would loose desire for him physically too. The same goes if the situation were reversed...

Anyway, I guess I really don't have any advise to offer you. I just wanted to say that I don't think you are totally insensitive because you want your girlfriend to look better. However, expecting her to look like a model is a bit rediculous. Just encourage her to be healthy...
Cook healthy (yet tastey) foods for her so she can actually start craving healthier options when she's hungry. Also, suggest fun ways of exercising. (weight lifting may be fun for you, but not for everyone)
Try making it seem more romantic. Like suggest Christmas shopping somewhere where there is a lot of walking (Like Down Town in a big city if you live near one). Take her ice skating. Go hiking in a state park.
Don't suggest these things with exercise as your focus, but rather a new way of spending quality time together...
Girls NEVER need their boyfriend or husband to tell them to loose weight! We already know when we need to loose weight.
She may be absolutly comfortable with her body. If this is the case, forget about her loosing weight or let her go find someone who will love every inch of her inside and out.
Good Luck!

 
Old 12-22-2005, 07:25 PM   #8
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Re: Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

Bicycle riding and lifting weights for a person new to exercise is like tossing a 5 yr old into college classes...!
Start with adding some walks to your time together. Make it a special time to talk about things that are more emotional and loving. There will be added incentive for her to WANT to go on a walk with you then.
Also, remember that just 2 - 3 blocks may be plenty for the first walk.
Its always hard for those who are athletic to understand us couch potatoes - but please be patient and work up to a nice loooong walk - and then maybe a pair of jogging shoes for a gift.
Jogging for 5-10 minutes, THEN building up to more each week.
And good luck - your heart is in the right place.

 
Old 12-22-2005, 08:33 PM   #9
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Re: Do you ever wish your significant other would lose some weight?

justinluck

First of all, accept your partner for who she is, not who you want her to be. What if you were the one who was overweight and she wanted you to lose weight? Wouldn't that bother you that she's asking you to change? Second, if you really do want her to lose weight not to change how she looks, but just for health reasons, then the best way to accomplish this is by setting a good example. I know where I work, I see a lot of people wishing they could lose weight and feel better. They know that I exercise all the time and eat healthy and they see how it keeps me thin and healthy. I never take a sick day and always look like I have a lot of energy. So slowly some of these people have been seeking my advice. I never preach or lecture. But I never hide the fact that I'm "a health nut." You can do the same with your partner. Let her see how exercise and eating healthy benefits you (and I don't just mean in terms of how you look). Don't flaunt it, but don't be subtle either. People's excess weight and bad eating habits eventually do catch up with them and hopefully she'll realize that sooner rather than later and will want to make a change.

 
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