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Old 12-21-2005, 08:35 PM   #1
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glamourgal HB User
Dealing with animosity for being single??

Today I found out that a girl who works for the same company I do is mad because her live-in boyfriend talked to me at the company Christmas party. He was old and ugly and I definitely did NOT flirt with him !! In fact, I had no clue (until today) that she went crazy and got into an arguement with him because of it. So now she has animosity towards me and I am just wondering how to deal with this sort of thing? This is why I hate being around couples (mainly the people that don't know me well) because I always feel like I am getting evil eyes/looks from the girls---even if I have not said anything (or even looked/payed attention to) their guy. I have never been the flirty type, I dress modestly, and I do not even want/feel flattered by the attention of married/attached men. What is really frustrating is that I know if I were in a relationship I would not even be having to deal with this!

Do any of you ever encounter this same type of problem???

 
Old 12-21-2005, 08:41 PM   #2
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degen95 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

GG, that's their problem..all you need to do is what they're paying you for. if she feels threatened by you then it can't be your fault.

and no, poor degen95 never had a situation where a coworker's old husband was hitting on him..

 
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Old 12-21-2005, 08:42 PM   #3
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phoenixgal77 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

Women can be really jealous. I know because I am a very jealous girl. This lady is either insecure or just doesn't trust her man. She thinks he is talking to another girl (you) because he wants to leave her...crazy huh? Now I am not saying that every man out there is unfaithful, but I run an adult enertainment company and 90% of all of our clients are married men traveling from another state on a business trip and their unsuspecting wives have no idea at all. In fact the men say they are happily married and just looking to have a little fun. All the stories of infidelity and her low self esteem compounded on that make this a sticky situation. All you need to do is approach her or send her an e-mail assuring her that you were just being friendly...then tell her (no offense to her) that her man is not even your type and that to you he is too old for you and unattractive to you..ofcourse say this in a nice way.

 
Old 12-21-2005, 08:45 PM   #4
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

Glamourgal!!!!

Sweetie, you must be worthy of being jealous over! Don't sweat it girl, it's her problem, not yours. Yeah, it is harder to work in an environment with some biatch who hates your guts, but you know what, there's nothing you can do. Nobody can control other people. She's insecure. She feels worthless. She is obviously threatened by you and maybe, it's justified. If she tries anything with you, just make sure you keep your composure and don't let her see you upset or sweating. That would "****" her off even more. LOL sorry, it's the devil in me.

Girl, let her sweat, but don't you do it. Rise above her insecure self and keep working the best you can. Besides, thinking about it may make you make mistakes at work and that won't look good.



.

Last edited by Fabat40; 12-21-2005 at 08:46 PM.

 
Old 12-22-2005, 05:14 AM   #5
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

GG ~ I must agree with the others. You must really have it going on girl Be happy with that and do not allw another's insecurity to get the better of you. The best way to handle this is with dignity and sweetness.....continue to smile and interact with others in your office in your usual way with your sweet and endearing disposition. Don't change a thing......smile and see the world as your oyster and don't allow this woman's negativity to penetrate all the positive in you. Ignore her animosity and if anything, cancel it out with your warm & friendly presence in the office. Nobody wants to hang around negative vibes for too long......show them that there is more to you than that!!!

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

 
Old 12-22-2005, 05:43 AM   #6
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

From the other side of the fence:

I am not the type of girl who would throw a fit if my guy was talking to another girl. But I AM the type who is a chronic worrier, and I will silently wonder if the other girl is intentionally being malicious out of bitterness. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm just offering you my point of view (crazy as it may be! ). The fact is, I have known so many women who are bitter, angry, and frustrated with life and intentionally have set out to bring down others. In fact, I had a very close friend who turned into this kind of person! It was quite sad- she had her fiance leave her for an 18 year old 2 months before their wedding. He kicked her out of their condo and she was left with nothing but a broken heart. I was there for her through everything, but when I met Nick, things changed. I could tell she hated me for being happy. As long as I was lonely with her, I was her friend. Once I wasn't lonely anymore, she actually made several attempts to sabatoge my relationship. Quite obvious ones! She was an awful, awful person and I honestly didn't know a human could do such awful things to their friend. And it wasn't only her! I have had countless angry bitter women try to destroy various things in my life! I guess it's those experiences that now make me wonder what people are "up to". I trust Nick with all my heart, and I would never be angry with him for spending time with a female co-worker. I know his intentions. But I don't know hers. And I don't trust her. I know that even someone who loves me as much as Nick does is still only human and can still fall victim to temptation. Honestly, if a woman took her clothes off in front of him, I would not expect him to look away! I'm just such a worrier that I immediately let my mind jump to a worst case scenario like that one whenever I'm introduced to a fairly decent looking female co-worker of his.
There are very few at his office, but some do exist. And that little part of my brain just doesn't trust them a bit. I finally have something I've waited my whole life for. And the thought of someone even TRYING to take that away from me is more horrific than I can describe. I think once a woman finds "her man"- the ONE- she really gets protective and defensive as she tries to build a bubble around her life. It's rather sad, but I do think married women view single women as the enemy in so many cases. Not all! But a lot. I'm not saying it's right, either. I know I have to work on my paranoia and learn to trust strangers. We all need to work on getting along. GG, your co-worker's outburst was un-called for. A woman who would openly chastise her man and then be rude to her co-worker over that has deeper problems than the ones I described above. I never let my paranoia show outwardly. I know I have to deal with it, and I'm never rude to people. But I can describe the feelings many women experience. Their actions... well, I can't really speak for that.

 
Old 12-22-2005, 08:51 AM   #7
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Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

I agree--you did NOTHING to cause this woman's animosity, Glamour! It's just that a lot of women feel insecure and don't trust their partner around another attractive female, whether that female has any interest in him or not. The co-worker's husband might have made some flattering comment about you to her, and that's what probably set her off. The best you can do is to just shrug it off. I would definitely not say anything to her about this, because WHY should you be defending yourself???? You didn't do anything! You were just sitting there and eating dinner. I would definitely NOT send her any emails explaining how not attracted to her husband you are I bet you she would be even more mad because now you would be also insulting her husband, and her too, by extention.

I understand your frustration, though. I have been in similar situations before and it is quite annoying. My good male friend whom I've known for years is not even speaking to me now only because his girlfriend HATES me. She hates me for absolutely NO reason whatsoever--only because she is extremely jealous that my friend will run off with me. She has made severeal extremely hurtful and rude comments about me to him and other people (I have no idea why he even informed me about it ), including that I'm a "blonde bimbo" and that I sleep around with men (which I don't!!!! and this woman doesn't even know me--that one made my blood boil!). Now, had she not been so stupid and ridiculously short-sighted, she would have figured out that if I were ever interested in dating her boyfriend, I would have done it by now! To be honest, I am mad at him now too, because he's such a wimp and stopped being in touch with me just because she is so insecure about it. So I lost a good friend because of this woman. I think you are also correct in speculating that if we had our own boyfriends or husbands, none of this would be happening because these women would not feel so threatened.

 
Old 12-22-2005, 10:30 AM   #8
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Hiya HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

Exactly. It was quite a while ago, but i think it was mentioned on these boards by someone who had a married friend who cut all single women out of her social circle because "they can't be trusted and men will be men."

GG, I'd say just be as professional and as coureous as you can be to this woman, and if she continues to give you dirty looks or be rude to you, just ask her flat out, "I'm sorry, is there a problem between us?" That will put the ball in her court. Hopefully she will see how stupid and foolish she's being. Arrrgghhh, this is the kind of thing that really makes me see red. Like I've said before, through my work I get access to all sorts of little surveys and studies and information, and it said that a large percentage of men have had problesm with their wives because a female co-worker was "too pretty" and many men have made the decision not to hire a woman because she was too pretty and it would cause problems at home. I've never been attractive enough to have all kinds of men drooling over me, but I have been attractive enough to offend a few wives, and nothing pi$$es me off more. Here I am struggling, trying to get by the best way I know how, and some insecure bi*** comes along and tries to make my life harder because SHE feels threatened??!! When I was singing in my old band, the bass player's wife felt she should have been the lead singer, never mind the fact that she couldn't really sing or play an instrument at all . She decided she didn't like me and did things like call me up and tell me rehearsal was going to end early, so I would start packing up and the leader was like "hey, where are you going?" I had just put on my stage make up and she said I needed more lipstick, even though I had just applied a very dark, wine colored lipstick but she insisted. She offered me a messy tube in a plastic baggie. Stupid, naive and trusting as I was back then, I figured she was operating in myand that band's best interest, so I used just a little of it. The next week I had strep throat. I always thought that envy or jealousy was a deadly sin and a bad trait, and if I found myself feeling them, then it was something I had to work on within myself, not something I had to make someone else pay for. It really ticks me off when someone who's lucky enough to have a husband or a significant other can't even reach that level of evolvement and emotional maturity, yet I'm told that I can't have an SO until I mature and grow and reach a deeper level of personal growth. Balony. In my opinion, she's just making a fool of herself. she should be lucky she has a man that she loves, and who apparantly no one else would want anyway! Don't let it get to you, and don't play her game. You did nothing wrong, don't let her make you feel like you did.

Last edited by Hiya; 12-22-2005 at 10:31 AM.

 
Old 12-22-2005, 11:14 AM   #9
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degen95 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
She hates me for absolutely NO reason whatsoever--only because she is extremely jealous that my friend will run off with me. She has made severeal extremely hurtful and rude comments about me to him and other people (I have no idea why he even informed me about it ), including that I'm a "blonde bimbo" and that I sleep around with men (which I don't!!!! and this woman doesn't even know me--that one made my blood boil!).
uh oohhh...what time is it?? what time is it?.....its STACY TIME!!! break out the lacrosse stick!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
To be honest, I am mad at him now too, because he's such a wimp and stopped being in touch with me just because she is so insecure about it. So I lost a good friend because of this woman. I think you are also correct in speculating that if we had our own boyfriends or husbands, none of this would be happening because these women would not feel so threatened.
why?? what if she made him choose between you and her?? can you blame her for feeling threatened by a more attractive single person being friends with her bf?? i can't blame her at all. also, from his perspective, if he knew it was causing problems with his relationship, i can't really blame him either. some people are the jealous type..

 
Old 12-22-2005, 11:59 AM   #10
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Nina000 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

Quote:
Originally Posted by degen95
uh oohhh...what time is it?? what time is it?.....its STACY TIME!!!
Degen, are you an XFactor fan ????

 
Old 12-22-2005, 01:22 PM   #11
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degen95 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nina000
Degen, are you an XFactor fan ????
xfactor??? don't even know what that is.

 
Old 12-22-2005, 01:33 PM   #12
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Nina000 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

It's like pop idol, and one of them keeps on saying ...what time is it? It's Chico time
Never mind, just thought someone else on the boards lives in England....

 
Old 12-22-2005, 01:52 PM   #13
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degen95 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nina000
Never mind, just thought someone else on the boards lives in England....
not really but i always wanted to go there

 
Old 12-22-2005, 02:00 PM   #14
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Nina000 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

You are most welcome...and I will be your guide and btw, bring Sophia with you....

Last edited by Nina000; 12-22-2005 at 02:01 PM.

 
Old 12-22-2005, 02:11 PM   #15
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muzicman66 HB User
Re: Dealing with animosity for being single??

Funny, Degen. Glamour, It"s a common problem for singles. I seemed to lose a few friends as I got into my thirties. Now, They want me to be around again. Big deal.
You can"t help it, if your hot.

 
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